Hesitation
by VerelLupin
Summary: He hesitated and she saw it, but what did it mean? Nicky/Jason
1. Paris

**This is my first Bourne story, so I apologize for any mistakes. **

**Review and flames welcome...**

**Jason obviously does not belong to me...if he did he'd be constanly smooching Nicky.**

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**'Why was he just standing there?' **His hold on the gun was unsteady, she could tell.

**'If he didn't intend to use it, why is he still pointing it at me?' **She expected no answer from him. The queries were only meant to make her more comfortable. It was a way for her to cope with the stress of this job.

They studied each other silently, both looking for a sign of recognition.

Their breaths were the only sounds in the room, Conklin had no idea what was happening but he didn't care. If Nicky was stupid enough to get involved with one of his boys, he would be very surprised if she didn't die this night.

Jason took in her long blonde hair, the pureness of her features. **'Who was she?' **his fingertip was on the edge of the trigger but he couldn't bring himself to pull it. The thought of her face lifeless and empty because of him was too much.

Jason forced his eyes away from her, letting all his confusion and rage spill onto the man before him. The one that had made him this killing machine, that had stolen his second chance for a life with Marie. He yelled something at him, he threaten him with a fight at his doorstep.

She made a sound, as if she was trying to make herself smaller. His stomach clenched, he didn't want to be the reason for that noise. She was terrified but was still staring him down, daring him to remember her.

The banging of the door distracted him, reluctantly he let go of those wide brown eyes.

The fight and drop past the banister wiped any further thought of the girl in the room. He limped off into the Paris night, his face scrunching up in pain. The headache came back, he fell against a nearby doorway. He paused, struggling to breathe against the intense pain.

Jason patted his pocket, looking for the tiny bottle of relief. He dry swallowed the miracle pills, a sudden memory came to him.

_"Do you suffer from headaches or sensitivity to light?" she was sitting across from him, wearing a lab coat several sizes to big. She looked like a kid playing doctor, "Yeah."_

_She scowled at his monotone response but made a note in his chart. She got up from her desk, he observed her. She walked towards him with confidence, she came so close he could smell her faint perfume. Lavender or Jasmine or a combination of both._

_His throat went dry, she was too close. He had a real fear of hurting her, especially if she moved quickly. She must have sensed his apprehension because she reached over him cautiously, one eye trained on her destination and the other on him._

_She pulled a tiny white bottle and handed it to him. "For the headaches," she replied at his questioning gaze. She reached to close the cabinet but his grip on her wrist startled her. She fell against him, her hand on his racing heart._

_"Thank you." They both said at the same time, embarrassed she tugged her arm from his grasp. He let her hand slide from his gently. He willed his heart to slow down, to stop admiring the mole just visible beneath her neckline. "If they keep getting worse let me know," she said regaining her clinical persona. He nodded, and rolled down the sleeves of his shirt._

_He committed her to memory, she looked up with a brief smile. He felt one sneak onto his face, "He can smile." she said. Her teasing flustered him, it was surely a mistake to get attached. This feeling of helplessness was unfamiliar to him so he walked out._

Jason stood there, assimilating this new information. His troubled mind was piecing together the events of tonight and the new memory he was reluctant to explore.


	2. Sweden

**Hope you enjoy.**

**Reviews welcome and flames will be enjoyed...ha!ha!**

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_She was facing away from him, her long blonde hair swishing behind her. He covered a laugh but it was an unnecessary precaution, she was wearing her ridiculous headphones. They were those Bose noise canceling ones he always saw in late night infomercials. _

_He couldn't believe he had caved and bought them for her. She continued swaying her body to the music. He was astounded at her ability to dance, whisk eggs and flip pancakes at the same time._

"_It's no wonder, Conklin chose you for logistics." he remarked stepping behind her to yank the bowl of eggs from her hands and pull her against him._

"_Ahhhh," she shrieked, her hand clamped firmly in Jason's grip. "You're slow. We have to work on that." _

_Her mouth struggled to make a coherent thought but was interrupted by the smoke alarms. "Dammit Jason, you made me burn breakfast." _

_He let go of her and set the bowl down, a tiny smile cracking his stern features. "I hate pancakes." He shrugged and with a few deft moves had gone around her, thrown the mess in the trash and soundly kissed her. "I guess your forgiven." she mumbled..._

Her voice was distorted and foggy as it disappeared back into his subconcious.

He blinked, the ceiling of their crummy apartment coming into focus. He shot up, his hand going straight for the gun beneath his pillow. Some people had safety blankets but he had a gun.

Marie was fast asleep. Her breathing even and calm, a direct opposite of her companion. He felt the familiar rush of adrenaline except there was no mission to spend it on.

Restless he headed towards the terrace. The moonlight was obscured by heavy clouds. A sudden deluge soothed away the dream, **'because it had been a dream right?' **Jason braced his arms on the railing.

He absorbed the scope of mother nature's cleansing touch. **'Could I have functioned as a sane human being, as ready to kill as to kiss?' **the question whirled around his splintered mind.

Jason left the comfort of the rain. Slipping his clothes off and laying them on the tub. He rolled his head, his neck muscles popped and he stretched. He felt the tension uncurl from his body.

Slipping back into bed, Jason wrapped his arm around Marie and she snuggled into him.

He would not sleep for a while so he observed her. Her hair was getting longer, slowly making its way past her shoulders. It was more brown than black now.

**'Would she look good as a blonde?'** the traitorous idea caught him off guard. These recovered memories were getting more and more disturbing. He hugged Marie and hoped his next memories had nothing to do with a frightened girl that had once made him smile.

**Several Days Later - Swedish Safe House - Undisclosed Location**

Nicky had recovered from her disastrous ordeal at Treadstone. She had been relocated to Sweden. For the most part she was happy to be away from Paris. Nicky knew something awful had happened when she found out that the director had died.

**'Not died, he had been murdered. Gunned down in the middle of the most romantic city in the world and found by the very team that had promised to protect him.'**

Nicky knew she should have died that night along with Conklin. Jason had hesitated for whatever reason, giving her a chance to escape the program. Though as she struggled through her cover as a waitress, she almost wished he had put a bullet to her misery.

She cleaned the tables and pressed fresh napkins into the dispensers, all the while checking on Paz. He was being groomed for a new program. As a former member of Treadstone, she had been forced to provide logistics for the new assets.

Nicky took a quick break and scanned the roof tops for any possible attack. She didn't seriously think she could survive another brush with an asset. She knew the only reason she had been spared was because some tiny part of Jason had recalled her.

His eyes had told her that. She had felt that gaze so many times it had become a part of her. She blinked back tears. There was no reason to think about them anymore.

Whatever they had been had sunk to the bottom of the ocean along with his memories.


	3. Paris Past

**I'm so exited. This is short but more updates are coming. Whoo Hoo!**

**Enjoy**

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**Paris - 6 Months before Wombosi Mission**

Nicky stumbled from her bed. Her hand clutching her stomach as she fell to her knees and dumped out the contents of too much alcohol and not enough food. "Here." a glass of water was placed in her hand.

The hand did not let go patiently waiting for her own fingers to clench around the cool glass. "Thanks." she rasped before bending over and repeating her earlier actions. Only this time his hand had lifted her hair away from her face. "Are you planning on telling me?" he asked.

She shivered at the flat tone but shook her head. Nicky moved weakly away from the toilet desperate to stand and rinse out her mouth. He dropped the lid with a bang and flushed the toilet the whole time holding onto her arm. Nicky knew he was concerned but at the same time she felt apprehensive.

She figured rinsing her mouth five times would be enough. Now she just had to brush her teeth, get Jason to let go and go back to bed and pretend to sleep. "Nicolette." a gunshot would have been much more quieter but not nearly as painful. She cringed and forced herself to face him. His hand finally released her.

Nicky had forgotten how quickly he could move, **'dangerous to forget what he can do. Very dangerous.'**

Her inner voice distracted her long enough for him to invade her space.

She forced her head back since he was now looming over her. She could literally feel him scanning her without those blue chips he called eyes. "I have a stomach bug. It's not uncommon…maybe if I stopped eating at night we wouldn't be having this conversation right now." she babbled her forehead just touching his bare chest.

Jason sighed inwardly, he hated when she talked like that. It made him feel like he was grilling her but more importantly she was acting afraid of him. He would never want that. "We both now its not what you ate. When did you get it last?" he asked.

Her head snapped up nearly clipping his chin. "Missed what?" her pitch had a bit of hysteric in it and he groaned at his blunder. "Your period. Last time." he carefully phrased. Her look of shock was not feigned. If Jason could read anything it was liars and right now she had no idea what he was suspecting. "I got it at the same time I always do. Middle of the month and its only." Nicky began to frantically look for the calendar that hung on her bathroom wall.

Jason spotted it, **'Damm why couldn't he have been wrong. Of course its not like you really thought about it.' **he scolded himself. **'Too busy enjoying those extra days, weren't we?' **She tore the calendar from the wall. Her finger racing down the days until it stopped on the day's date. "Oh my god." she uttered her eyes searching for confirmation.

Jason watched as she wilted. The calendar fluttered to the ground and she began to cry. He bent and pulled her up cradling her against him. "I'm sorry," he said. Nicky blinked at him, even with tears on her lashes and her hair knotted she looked beautiful to him.

"I'm sorry?" she gasped. " Are you really?"

It was a brutal question but Jason knew why she asked. He couldn't provide her with anything. They couldn't even go out on the street like a normal couple. He sometimes wanted to tell Conklin where he could stick his orders but he held back for fear of what they would do to Nicky.

His own stomach began to feel a little queasy just thinking what could happen to her if they ever found out. He was pretty sure that a handler getting impregnated by her asset was a big no-no as far as Langley was concerned. With all these thought swirling around his head, Jason looked into her puffy eyes and responded.

The blue chips melted and he smiled. "No, I don't think I am."


	4. Mykonos

**Sorry this is a small chapter. **

**I have a real hard time writing Marie and she made it difficult.**

**Anyway thank you to everybody who is still with this story.**

**Review because everytime you do Jason remembers how much he loves Nicky!**

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**Mykonos - 7 Months Later**

"It's been too long, we need to move." he had told her, his eyes covertly observing their paying customers. "Not now Jason, please. Just enjoy today and we can talk about this later." she gave the man in front of her a tight smile and he scurried away. "Marie, it's not going to change. They will come after us."

Marie sighed. She lifted her hand to stop him but she realized it was shaking so she thought better of it.

"It's been more than six months. What if they've given up." she supplied. His mouth set into a very thin line and Marie knew that they would be arguing again. "They'll never give up. I did something I wasn't supposed to do. I quit. You can't quit their program."

Marie's hand rested on his bicep and she soothed him. "If they were going to kill you wouldn't they have done it already?" she asked.

Jason nodded, "I know that, Marie. Don't you think I've thought about that?" he exploded his head scrunched up in pain. "I'm sorry. I just don't trust them. You shouldn't even trust me. There's so many things I can't remember and what I do scares me."

They watched the tourists on their jet skis. The girls in skimpy bikinis sunning and bronzing every part of their body and Marie felt a twinge of envy.** 'Why couldn't she do that? Just live a normal life without watching over her shoulder.'** Marie lifted a hand to wave to Kyle one of their regulars.

Jason sat still behind her, his face showing none of the turmoil she was experiencing.

"In a month of so we can decide. I just can't right now. Please Jason." he was pulled back from his mind and for a second Marie's brown eyes shimmered and a different set of eyes stared back at him. Her hands were wrapped around his own but he could not move. "Jason, Jason? Did you hear me?"

He rose in a fog, he muttered something to her and moved away from the bar. Marie stood there dumbfounded as he began his run up the beach. She knew he would be gone for a while. He would take out his frustrations and would come back calmer but that didn't disturb her as much as that name did.

'**Who was Nicky and why had he called her that?**

Jason forced his eyes to the horizon. His feet pounded the sand and the surf rose up to half cover his shoes but maybe it sensed his aggravation because it moved quickly away leaving the man undisturbed. It had been seven months since that tragic night in Paris.

The girl's face swam in his vision but Jason shook his head. His mind whirring through their next travel spot and effectively distracting him. He had been trying to convince Marie for the last few weeks that their island home was no longer a safe place.

It had resulted in an argument that left him hostile and Marie a little scared. **'Was it possible she was right and they had left us alone. Can we take that chance?'**


	5. Malmö

**Two Chapters...I love it when the plotbunnies come to play;)**

**I still don't own anything, except the movies and they actually belong to my fiancee. **

**Oh well.**

**Enjoy.**

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_She had gone to a clinic the very next day but not before making sure Jason was nowhere to be seen, the walk was brutual and she felt like she was being watched. **'I'm paranoid. He'd be so proud.'** _

___She was __glad she had been a natural when it came to disguises because keeping to her original plan would take all her acting skills. __She should have stayed in her drama class not as a actress but definitely as a make-up artist. The chair was uncomfortable but given her circumstances, a hard plastic chair was the least of her worries._

_Jason had been so supportive. He told her was scared to death of what they could do to them and he offered to help her hide out somehow. She knew covering it up was his way of showing how much he cared for her. _

_Realistically Nicky was sure that Conklin would never suspect any of his precious boys, she had more than adequately shown her fear of them, especially Jason._

"_Nancy Webberly?" Nicky stood and walked to the door propped open by the nurse. Seeing the worry on her face, the matronly nurse, who introduced herself as Sheila, gave her a reassuring squeeze. "Don't worry. It will be ok." Nicky allowed her words to wash the terror from her. _

_The nurse began with the random questions, was she allergic to anything? Was she on any medications? _

_And finally the dreaded question, "Are you sexually active and when was your last period." Nicky began to cry. Alarmed the nurse patted her and told her to take a deep breaths and to tell her what was the matter. "IthinkImightbepregnant." Sheila smiled but it faded when Nicky took off her sunglasses._

_Ugly purple bruises covered her delicate pale skin, her split lip more pronounced by her teeth biting into it. "Oh." Sheila sucked in a breath patting Nicky gingerly lest she land on other unseen injuries. Having garnered the sympathy of the nurse, Nicky launched into her made up story of how her boyfriend was abusive but he had many powerful friends so she couldn't report him._

_Guilt nearly threatened to loosen her tongue but she kept to her story, it was imperative nobody knew about this pregnancy. Sheila listened to the young woman, hate building for the bastard that would hurt such a frail little thing. Nicky silently apologized to Jason for demonizing him but continued her story. _

"_Please I just need to know if I am for sure." Nicky pleaded and surprised that her fear and tears were in fact genuine. _

_Sheila agreed to do the tests and asked for a phone number to contact her. Nicky gave her the mobile number of the phone she had bought this morning. After leaving her sample the nurse __promised her to let her know as soon as the results were positive. _

_Nicky hugged the woman and slipped her several hundred euros for her help. "Thank you." Sheila pocketed the money confused but hoping that the young woman would be able to get away from whatever was pursuing her and her child, if there was one. _

**Sweden - Present Day**

Nicky finished her water and put away her book. She had not read it at all but that didn't matter. Today had been especially hard and thinking about what had happened in the past was becoming difficult to keep locked up.

Especially when you had nothing but time on your hands.

Nicky shut off the memory and replaced the treasured postcard. She had bought it at quaint little shop as a joke. Sometimes when Jason was gone for months she would go down to the store and buy postcards.

She would collect them and send them to whatever country he was in at the time.

She would always received them back with a stamp telling her there was no such address but the stamp made her feel like she had some connection to him, no matter how tenuous. Her hand traced the curled writing, its single phrase conveying the pure emotion of its owner, "Wish you were here."

This had been the last one before he had disappeared into the Atlantic. She couldn't bear to throw it away and had kept it over the years along with any new book she bought. It's pretty picture which showcased the general ocean view off the coast of Marseilles, was grainy from being handled and spotted.

It had never been mailed, it was the last string that tied her to her old life and she hugged the feeling to her chest. New spots dotted its surface and Nicky wiped her eyes angry at herself for opening a barely healed wound.

The view from the översten was a treat and she was grateful to take this small step towards moving on.

The restaurant offered a nice view of Malmö and the Öresund strait and a bit of Copenhagen on a clear day.

The magnificence of the Kronprinsen almost made her forget that it have been almost eight months since Jason had forgotten them and that their child had been stillborn.


	6. From Mykonos Through Sweden

**I am astounded to the response for this meager little story. I apologize if my writing is a bit abrupt, I'm in between Betas. **

**Anyway, I have tried to stay as close to these very real countries but since I do most of my research through the net, we'll I apologize for any discrepancies.**

**Enjoy, the next chapter coming soon...**

**Reviews and flames...you know the drill. Thank you to all who review.**

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She was angry at him, but he shrugged it off. She would eventually see that it was best after all they had stayed almost a full year. This reasoning was doing nothing to burn through the frosty attitude that Marie was bestowing on him. They packed in silence and he could swear he heard her curse him in several languages some of which he didn't know.

Marie tried not to let a single tear escape as they pulled away from the ideal little place they had called home. "Jason where are we going?" He didn't bother to take his eyes off the road and they parked in one of the many alleyways. Grabbing their gear they began the walk to the ferry that would take them to Piraeus.

"If you don't tell me where we are going, I swear I'll just leave you here and go back with out you." He grabbed her arm and began dragging her, "Act like a disgruntled wife." he muttered.

"Shouldn't be too much of a stretch," he rolled his eyes at her childish behavior. "Where are we going?" He furtively looked behind him, all the while appearing a husband trying to pacify his wife. "The ferry to Piraeus takes off in 10 minutes from there we got to the Hotel Ionion which is next to the metro station. Satisfied." he growled.

Marie nodded and was astounded he had given her that much information. Seeing her shocked look, he immediately responded, "In case we get separated. Just stay there ok." The ferry had the usual amount of tourist with a few non locals holding onto their heads and stomachs in remorse for indulging in Mykonos's famous nightlife.

Jason bought his tickets for him and Marie and she grinned at his appalling Greek. The man looked amused because from what Marie could understand, Jason had just told the man he had to go to the bathroom on his shoes. He returned and handed the tickets to her.

They made their way inside and copied some of the mannerisms of the other passengers. The air was breezy and for a second Marie was excited about their new destination but Jason leaning so nonchalantly against the rail brought it closer home as to why they were leaving.

Once they left the ferry they walked towards the more scenic parts of the port. "Try to enjoy it, who knows when will pass by here again." she uttered threading her hand through his arm. His lips lifted a bit and he walked at a more sedate walk. "It really is beautiful. I sometime forget," she continued.

Jason barely moved but she could tell his body was more relaxed and she imagined they were a regular couple out for a stroll. The Hotel Ionion came into view and he quickened his pace. She sighed but picked up hers as well. They slipped into a café to the right and ordered pastries more for show than actual consumption.

Jason ordered in rapid fire Greek and the servers brought their order in quick succession. Outraging the patrons around them but he was more interested in cramming the bread down Marie's throat. The Airport Express Busses weren't due for another hour and so they cooled their heels. "Why the show at the ferry?" she asked tearing a piece of bread. "We have to appear like tourists." he answered.

The cafe was busy and they people watched.

"Who's Nicky?" she asked. The back of his head did not move but she'd obviously hit a nerve. He deliberately moved closer to her, his bulk covering the island vistas. "I don't know, it doesn't matter."

Feeling like she'd been slapped, Marie proceeded to drink and eat but her appetite had fled. Their bus arrived and they settled in silence. Her head was pillowed against his shoulder completing their cover of a tourist couple. Jason quickly dozed off and Marie watched over him. It pained her to see him always so alert so she kept her view on the what scenery the bus provided.

She wasn't asleep very long when she felt the thrashing next to her, "Jason wake up. Jason." she called softly terrified he would wake up like he had at home. "Jason, we're in public calm down. I'm here." her voice soothed him and he curled inwards as if he was trying to disappear. Several passengers looked on in shock. "War memories." she supplied. They nodded sympathetically and continued with their own agendas.

Marie moved him slightly towards her so if he said anything it would be more or less muffled against her shoulder. "We'll figure out something. Don't cry. Sweet Nicolette." Marie hunched down desperate to hear about this woman who just recently popped into his mind. "Ours. Yours and mine… nobody will hurt you… I'll be there."

Marie swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to go back to sleep, she supposed that what he was reliving was horrible but it didn't make it any easier for her to comfort him when he dreamt of someone else.


	7. Athens Turns Into Goa

**I apologize for the long hiatus. That is over at least I hope.**

**If this appears confusing don't worry everything will be explained. There's a method to my madness.**

**For now enjoy. Sorry if Jason seems oc. I try very hard to keep them in character.**

**Big Giant Thanks to Everybody for your support!!**

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**Athens - 2 days after arriving at Piraeus**

He almost panicked but not a second later, Marie broke through the surface. The sun was still high in the sky and she was going to make the best of situation. "Kyle, come on in, the water is nice." Jason aka Kyle Vonderstin ignored her shouts knowing it would annoy her and pull her from the water.

He had developed a serious hatred for water. As long as it didn't involve him in it, he'd watch Marie swim for hours and have her fun but he was tired and wanted her by his side. His plan however had not included her stepping on his expertly constructed sand castle. "Whoa! Dammit Jess."

A little dark haired boy to the side of him laughed and his companion a little blonde girl smacked him. The boy tackled her and sand flew into the air much to Jason's amusement. "Jared, Natalie stop that!" a young woman no older than Marie shouted at them. Jared shoved her. He got up and dusted himself only to have Natalie bring him back down.

She had a fist full of sand that she shoved down the boy's shirt. Satisfied Natalie left the boy and walked over to the amazed couple. Holding up a bright red bucket she offered it to Jason. "Here Mister. You can always try again." she smiled and took off. Jason took the bucket and the little girl blushed. "I think you have an admirer." Marie said. Natalie waved back at him and hurried off around a pair of bungalows.

The boy glared at him and followed the girl out of sight. "You have competition." Jason said to Marie.

Using the red bucket, they built a much more impressive castle. Jason built a tall tower in the middle on the front, he wrote their initials. He jumped up and helped Marie. "Dinner? I have been craving steak." she said gathering all their things. "Kyle?" Jason surveyed the castle, it was missing something.

He rounded it one more time and found it had only three towers. He built one more tower, it was small but was much more sturdy than the others. He scratched out some initials and placed the bucket over it.

"How about steak and champagne?"

"Champagne?" She inquired, "Our castle." he responded swinging her into his arms and splashing sand everywhere.

Hours later the blond little girl found what was left of a huge castle. Her bucket was covering a mound of sand that had once been a tower, only a tiny portion was left with a broken J beneath a complete N.

**Goa - India - Two weeks after Sweden**

Marie stayed vigilantly by his side. His fever broke. Breathing a sigh of relief, Marie rolled him over and after several hours she too fell asleep.

'_This is not a drill soldier. This is not a drill… Berlin…You are go…' The corridor was empty and he silently followed the room numbers. 'Only supposed to be two.' he put away the syringe and screwed on _the silencer. 'please no, please no.' the shouts were in frantic german.

_"Mission complete." Conklin said, "Go see Nicky."_

Jason got out of the bed and padded to the bathroom. He bent his head over the sink, his gaze meeting Marie's in the mirror. "You're burning up." she said wiping his face with a towel. "I can't remember."

"Write it down." this had become her mantra but it was the only thing that seemed to help. "I'm sick of writing it down. Two years and nothing, just blurred images." She stood behind him the rag limp in her hand. Jason stalked out of the room, his face hard and distant.

Marie went up to him. The ocean waves muted the sounds of his nightmares. He feared it but when his thoughts turned against him the water reminded him how much worse a fate he had already endured.

Her arms went around his abdomen and he could detect his journal in her hands. "It will help. Just one name at a time."

Jason kissed her hand and took the book from her. He scribbled furiously. The pencil flying over the paper occasionally ripping through it. Only bits and pieces of the names would come but Berlin had never shown up before. The sunrise broke through the curtains, highlighting her. Its colors poured over her, her long blond hair spread on his pillow like always.

'**Always?' **he wondered. The surf matched his rhythm. His jog was meant to clear his senses but all he could see was the blonde hair. Spread on his pillows, on his chest. Flying across his face when Conklin slapped her in front of him. The red tinge from the alarm and the lights coming from the shattered Paris night.

He stopped and gasped, he looked up but it wasn't the Indian sun he was seeing but a moon lit window in a Paris safe house. And she had been at that window. "Get back," he had mouthed but she had shook her head and the night wind had carried its scent back to him. Jasmine. She leaned and threw out a bottle. A tiny bottle of white pills that would trigger everything else.

He blinked and the night sky blurred like a mirage. He was still on a beach in Goa and Marie was waiting for him to meet her at the market. It was then he saw the car, a car that looked out of place. He hurried to Marie. Urged her to move and forced her to drive. The world tilted on its axis as the truck careened of the bridge. The force of the water drove him back into his seat. He struggled out of his belt and sucked in as much air as possible.

Marie's head flopped back and forth. He kicked the door over and over, yanking at the handle with his whole body.

He put his mouth to hers and exhaled but she did not respond. She was docile and pliant obeying his every move and he knew that Marie was lost to him. Her hair waved up and down, its blonde strands taking the last of his tears and he said goodbye.


	8. Spain then Amsterdam

**Ok, Jason and Nicky are about to meet again...dum dum dum**

**Enjoy**

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**Spain Safe House - 3 months before Marie's Murder**

"So you been in contact with Bourne?" Nicky didn't even bother to answer Danny. "Why was I summoned?" she asked instead. "We just want to make sure that you're keeping your nose clean." Danny muttered, "wouldn't want anybody to find out about your little affair with Jason would you?"

Nicky kept the fury from her face but Danny smiled at the daggers in her eyes. "Get over yourself Zorn. You don't know anything. You're just a lapdog. First Conklin's and now Abbott's." she got up from the chair and faced the busy street full of tourists and vendors.

"Maybe but at least I wasn't screwing my assignments." Nicky stiffened.

His mouth was close to her ear, "Is that why you never gave me the time of day?" he pressed a kiss to her neck. "Did you enjoy sleeping with killers. Did they come and take out their frustrations on you? Is that what you liked?" She turned her face away from him. "At least they were real men."

"How many times was your bed stained with their target's blood?" he whispered. Nicky smiled at him and he stepped back a little, "I rather roll around in bloody sheets with them any day than clean ones with you."

"Zorn? Where's Neal? I told you to get Neal too." Abbott shouted from the doorway. Glaring at Nicky he shrugged into his coat, slammed the door behind him and stomped down the stairs. "Still has a crush I see." He directed to Nicky and he removed his own coat. "I thought my business with Tread…black opps was over. I was debriefed right after Conklin's death"

Abbott admired how she had managed to sidestep the Danny Zorn business. "You were debriefed but I want to know exactly what you said to Daniels. "I didn't speak to Daniels sir. I just was told to write Conklin was murdered by Bourne and forget all of the operations for Treadstone."

Abbott smiled and patted her head like a grandfather and his favorite grand daughter. "Good, you and Daniels will be moved. I'm going to transfer you to Amsterdam. If someone comes to get you or I do and its about Bourne you repeat after me. "I kept records of assets and monitored their physical and psychological well being. I planned logistics but knew nothing about the operations themselves. Got it?"

Nicky recited it three more times before Abbott was happy. "Nicky one more thing. I am no where near as forgiving as Conklin. I know you were screwing around, nobody's sure with who but we knew. If you help anybody else but me, I will discredit you and have you taken care of. Understood."

Nicky nodded and swallowed the fear in her throat. **'They don't know its Jason. He's still safe. Jason don't come back.'**

**Amsterdam - 3 months after the Spanish Safe House Debriefing**

It was nice to get out and shop with friends. So who cares that they didn't really know her name or real life. She'd been surrounded by nothing but partying students and academia's for the past few months.

No worrying if this operative was going to snap and kill her in the process. No dodging down side alleys so Conklin didn't wonder about her night time activities. No more hiding in little out of the way bars to spend a night with a man who had erased his past and had no future.

She wrapped the scarf more securely around her throat. She had a date tonight. It was just coffee but maybe this one was the one to finally get him out of her mind. She'd begun to slowly rid herself of any reminders of Jason Bourne. The postcard had been shredded a week ago and now only her necklace remained.

She touched the golden cross a smile ghosting over her face, then the car pulled up and out stepped Ward Abbott and he stared her down.

Just as she was trying to get out they pulled her back in. He tucked her into the seat and she held onto her cross waiting for the reason he had come for her, "We just found Bourne."


	9. Netherlands, Amsterdam

**Hey I updated again. Whoo hoo!! **

**Sorry if is slow going with Jason and Nicky meeting again but there is a reason. **

**Obviously some of the dialogue is not mine. Taken directly from the movie. It does not belong to me. **

**Ok that said. ****Enjoy...**

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******

Netherlands - Amsterdam

Nicky regarded the woman sitting at the window. Pamela Landy was how she introduced herself but beyond that was still a question mark.

Abbott was to the left of her giving her cues of what she had to say to this woman and the man with her. She repeated what she had memorized and Tom Cronin, the man with Landy asked, "Health meaning what?"

"Their mental health." was her vague answer, but his look was obvious he wanted more. "Because of what they have been through, they were prone to a variety of problems." Landy put down the file and interrupted, "What kind of problem?"

"Depression, anger, compulsive behaviors." Nicky answered her gaze wandering to Danny. He was looking down, she knew both were reliving the same memory.

**Paris - Nicky's Apartment - 3 Years Ago**

_She was stepping out of the shower and wrapping her hair in a towel when the banging on her door began. Without hesitating she slid her hand beneath the edge of her sink and got a grip on her gun. It was one of many that she had planted in her apartment. She never knew when things could turn ugly and she wanted to be able to defend herself always. _

_The furious banging had not ceased and she rolled under the table when the door was kicked from the hinges. She bit her tongue to keep from coughing at the explosion of plaster that had rained about them. Standing in her doorway was Jason poised like some demented avenging angel. "Nicky, where are you? Nicky answer!" he commanded. _

_Nicky climbed to her feet and appeared at the other side of the table her gun cocked and pointed at him. "What do you want?" she shouted her hand steady as she circled him. "I just…I needed…I had to…" he looked lost and forlorn. His eyes staring morosely at the gun still pointed at him._

_Nicky didn't want to do anything but hug him but when ever he came from wherever he wasn't hers but the cold operative Treadstone had created. He had broken her arm the last time and though he had apologized profusely she had told him to calm himself before he came to her. He stepped forward but Nicky stepped back her eyes weary. "I'm not okay. I just had to see you. I dreamt…" somehow he had put his hand on the barrel without her knowing it. _

_Surprised her finger pulled back on the trigger and the shot rang out but he had sidestepped it and the bullet was now lodged somewhere near the ceiling. All the trauma of whatever assignment he had been on clicked back in and he closed in on her as if she too was the enemy. The wind was knocked from her as he brought her down hard. _

_His face a mask of determination._

_She struggled against him, using every trick he had taught her but he was more experienced and a hell of a lot madder. "Jason, please." she gasped and her fingers dug into his hands. Her flailing hands were caught by his and twisted. Her eyes were watering from the pain but the tears were the least of her problems. _

_In one more second she would die, his grip on her neck was too much and she went limp._

_Danny Zorn had just heard the alarm on Nicky's apartment. He had been tailing her for about a month. Conklin was nothing if not thorough and if he thought his guys were doing anything he wanted to know the who, where and why. Danny had volunteered and Conklin had loved the idea of the lovelorn boy keeping tabs on the girl keeping a leash on the killers. _

_He hadn't seen anybody go in but the silent alarm he installed went off and he shot across the street barely missing the night traffic. Danny pressed every button in the building hoping someone would buzz him in. Sick of waiting, he ran around the building in search of a service entrance. He found one and in one moment shot the lock and ran into the building. His heart nearly stopped when he heard the gunshot._

**'_Please don't be Nicky. Let her have gotten away.' _**_he prayed and ran up the flight of stairs. __**'If you have hurt her, I will kill you myself.' **_

_Her door was hanging on by one hinge and in the middle of the room was Nicky with Jason Bourne on top of her. _

_Danny rushed in a surge of adrenaline and jumped onto Jason. He instantly let go of Nicky and turned on Danny. He was no match for him but if it gave Nicky any chance at survival he would fight it out. Jason sent a series of quick punches to Danny's stomach that he just barely managed to dodge. He did not manage to dodge the kick that threw him to the ground and at Jason's mercy. _

_Nicky floated in complete darkness, her consciousness attempting to drag her back to her body. She pushed it away she was happy here, there was no pain, no heartache and no Jason. His name electrified her brain and forced the signal through her. She snapped to the surface and dragged herself awake, the sounds were muted and jumbled at first but soon she was able to separate the voices. _

"_Danny?" she called weakly. Jason stopped and turned his attention to her and his haze lifted. He let go of Zorn and kneeled next to her attempting to cradle her. Nicky saw his blue eyes looking over her. They came to a halt on the livid purple bruises forming around her neck and he recoiled away from her. "Wait, Jason. Wait…" with a sigh her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she passed out. _

_Jason looked back at the unconscious Nicky and the still wheezing Danny on the floor. _

_He closed the door and stood in the hallway. He slid down the wall tears burning his eyes as he guarded her from himself. _


	10. Meeting in Berlin

**Ok I could not decide from who's viewpoint to do it from, so this one is Nicky's and the next one will be Jason's.**

**Yes, Zorn is important but I can't tell you why yet. Tee Hee!!**

**Enjoy.**

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_Danny crawled towards Nicky and rolled her into his arms. He stumbled through her apartment and finally made it to her room. He put her in the bed and slid in beside her. His weight made her loll into him and he too passed out. They woke up at the same time, curiosity and love in his eyes and surprise in hers._

_"What happened, did...?" her question was answered when he sat up and she noticed he was fully clothed. "Jason is gone, you're safe now." he said looking at her. She wrapped the sheet around her and stared at her toes. "I'm safer with him."_

_Danny stood up from the bed and he paced angrily, "How long? Nicole. How long have you been sleeping with that…" he sputtered not sure what to call Jason. After all they were all in the same business none of them were innocent. "I don't…It's not that simple." _

_Danny's face had turned a red hue and he rounded on her, "Is this normal. Does he come back here and hit you …like that."_

_Nicky covered her eyes feeling like she was betraying Jason for telling about his demons. "He isn't like this but the missions sometimes are so hard on him. I take care of him, it's my job. Danny. I don't know how else to explain this." Danny sat on the bed, stilling her hands with his. "No its not. Your job is to watch them and organize them not to cure all their problems. They chose this life Nicky. You of all people know that."_

_Nicky pulled her hands, "You're right we all chose but none of us really knew what we were in for. I didn't think it would be this easy to fall." He stared her down pinning her with his brown eyes, "Maybe you didn't know but I'm sure Jason did. They all knew what would be asked of them. They volunteered and we were recruited that was the difference." Nicky glared at him, "I just don't see it like that. I work with them everyday and…"_

_"They are killers Nicky. Without any conscience or questions. They follow orders and do it. None of us are safe if the bosses deem it so." He wanted to shake her to force her to see but she was already too invested. "Do you honestly think he'll stop if he's ordered to kill you. Do you think he will protect you." he shouted. "He loves me and I love."_

_"You love him." He finished for her, Nicky wanted to apologize for giving him any kind of encouragement. "I'm sorry Danny. I am." she said. _

_"Yeah, Nicky you will be." he said. He had all but walked out but he had to warn her once more, "One day he will not recognize you and you will be looking down the barrel of his gun and I won't be there to save you. No one will."_

**Netherlands - Amsterdam**

She yanked herself back from the memory and rattled off the list, "They had physical symptoms. Headaches, sensitivity to light."

"Amnesia?" Landy asked. "Before Bourne? No." Nicky answered and she sneaked a glance at Danny. Wondering if he remembered the words he had thrown at her in her apartment that night. **'One day he will not recognize you.' **

The knock on the door interrupted the interrogation. Danny leaned in and he nodded. Ignoring Nicky he turned to Landy, "The plane's ready. There's a car waiting for you."

"Good Luck." Nicky said. "No. You were his local contact. You were with him the night Conklin died. You're coming with us." Landy commanded not missing the look Abbott threw at Nicky. Nicky stood frozen, her hands in her pocket to hide their shaking. Danny's gaze locked on to hers as did Abbott's but she just followed Cronin's hand movement.

They settled away from each other but Abbott wanted close tabs on her so Danny was forced to switch seats with Tom Cronin. He leaned close to her as the plane to off to cover his whisper, "Are you ready to meet your past?" Nicky curled her hand around her cross. "Are you?"

He said nothing and Nicky leaned back against her seat eyes closed. Her heart thumping a mile a minute.

**Berlin - Germany **

Nicky was back in element. She was studying the screen and the girl before her pointed out a series of red dots that pinpointed Bourne's last known locations including where he had last been seen in Italy. Landy was writing on the white board and breaking people into groups. Nicky smiled, she had to hand it to Landy. She sure knew how to make people move.

"Danny. box four, I need fresh eyes. Review the buy where we lost the Neski files." Nicky was reviewing a stack of papers that Kim had given her but her head snapped up as mention of Danny's assignment. "Timeline it with what we know about Bourne's movements." She didn't miss how he bristled at Jason's name. "Turn it upside down and see what we find." Landy continued oblivious.

The group began to shout information at each other, gathering data. Then Landy's cell rang, "Hello, Pamela Landy." Landy's face was wiped of all color, then she answered.

"Bourne."

Landy snapped her fingers at everybody to begin a trace. "What do you want?" she asked. Nicky was standing next to Abbott and they looked at each other as Landy mentioned Treadstone. The conversation was impossible to ignore and all stood breathless not daring to miss Landy's answers.

'**He killed two people in Berlin? Why? his missions are over. Was Danny right?' **Landy paused and Nicky walked closer, "Bourne?" Landy asked. **'Had he hung up.' **"Okay. How do you wanna do it?" **'Do what? Does he want to come in.' **Nicky knew Jason never did anything without some sort of plan and she was scared for him. Abbott was not in a mood to negotiate even if Pamela Landy was.

Triangulating him had put Landy's phone on speaker, "I need someone I know to bring me in." His voice echoed in the room and Nicky's heart pounded. "Who?" she asked. **'What was he doing?' **

"There was a girl in Paris. She was part of the program." Landy stopped pacing and swung to look at Nicky. **'Oh God, Jason what are you doing?' **His voice continued in the tone of someone arranging a pickup for dry cleaning. "She used to handle logistics. Alexander Strasse, 30 minutes, under the World clock. Send her alone. Give her your phone."

"What if I can't find her?" Landy stalled for time. Nicky could feel the terror welling inside her, "It's easy. She's standing right next to you." the line went dead and all hell broke loose.


	11. Goa, Italy and Finally Berlin

**I'm so nervous posting this chapter. **

**A****ll though I'm sure the next one will have me ****hyperventilating.**

**Enjoy...**

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**Goa, India**

Jason stood at the edge of the riverbank, exhausted and soaked to the bone. The jeep was ungainly and waterlogged but they managed to extract it from the Ganges. Jason stood a moment longer waiting for them to pull Marie out of the river.

**'Her body, not Marie.' **She was gone along with any decent part of him. Jason shut down and Bourne took over scanning the area before he too walked away from the river.

Jason re-emerged long enough to rip and burn any trace of Marie. The fire consumed the meager paper but he couldn't erase her completely. Their photograph stuck to his hand, pleading not to be forgotten.

Jason retreated back into the shadows.

Bourne ransacked the house taking anything of value. He pulled passports and money from every nook and cranny. He also took the giant volume of notes and scraps that had become Jason's lifeline. He stashed everything into a knapsack and duffle bag, abandoning Jason and Marie's house to avenge them.

**Naples, Italy**

The coast of Naples so resembled Greece that Bourne almost lost control to Jason. He grimly remembered their uncomfortable talk that had ended with him snapping at her. He recovered his composure and departed the boat. He pulled one of his passports, he was not going to hide.

He was coming for them. He wanted them to know and worry about it.

The official tapped his passport while another told Bourne to follow him. Annoyed to be detected so quickly he followed already forming a new plan. **'So they either were running a new operation and flagging all the assets. Or they're trying to smoke me out.' **

It didn't matter, who brought the fight to who at this point.

Bourne catalogued the amount of guards, the sweep of security cameras and experience of the men detaining him. So far they were unsure of who he was, that was an advantage and weapon. He remained blank studying them like chess pieces, these were pawns. The big pieces were in hiding.

They interrogated him in French, Spanish then Italian. When that failed they reluctantly turned to English. He did not look up or make any movement. He was plotting his options and how quickly he could get to out of this room and onto his real objective.

Bourne was going to make those bastard pay, Jason had warned them but first the preliminaries. "Mr. Bourne, I'm John Nevins. I'm with the U.S. Consulate." He showed his badge and continued, "I just have a few questions for you."

Bourne quelled the urge to smirk. The man was a moron. He actually looked at his passport and back at him, "You're coming out of Tangier. Is that correct?" Undaunted Nevins ignored his silence. "What's the, uh, nature of your visit to Naples?"

Nevins got up from his chair directing his question to the guard. Bourne understood the rapid Italian but remained catatonic, he'd find out this man's purpose soon. Nevins sat in front of him, snapping his fingers at him. Bourne catalogued the weight of the table and the length of the room, **'It'll work.' **

Nevins was still talking, "Look, I don't know what you did, and I don't know who you're working for. But I promise you this—you're gonna play ball one way or the other."

Bourne saw his opportunity as Nevins answered his cell. "Yes, I do." He said. "I understand." His voice was croaky with fear and he was reaching back into his pocket. Bourne observed and tensed.

A couple of strong hits knocked both men out and he took Nevin's gun. His stance was firm and the gun pointed at Nevins. He took the phone from his hand and copied it before discarding it with his owner and stepping out of the building.

Once in the car he listened as Nevins was browbeaten by some woman named Pamela Landy. **'Was she the new director of Treadstone. And if she was, where was Conklin?' **

**Berlin, Germany**

'_This is not a drill, soldier. This is not a drill, soldier.' _Bourne shook his head, the visions remained distorted and fuzzy. _'We clear on that. We clear on that.' _

Conklin's voice echoed through the hazy remnants of the dream and Bourne looked around the rest stop confused, his breath coming in short gasps.

There had been screaming, a woman pleading but he couldn't seem to hold onto anything beyond that. He headed towards Munich. Bourne would find out for sure if Treadstone was targeting all of them or just him.

The house was on a quiet corner of an unassuming street. He snuck in and emptied the gun before placing it back into the refrigerator. Bourne questioned him but Jarda appeared to be ignorant of the going ons of the agency.

"What do you want?" Jarda asked conversationally. "Conklin." Bourne responded rifling thorough Jarda's briefcase.

"He's dead." Jarda said, "Shot dead in Paris. Dead the night you walked out."

Bourne paused gauging the other agent, "So who's running Treadstone now?"

"Nobody. They shut it down. It's over. We're the last two." Jarda replied.

Bourne could only think of the girl. **'Was she dead too. Had they done clean up and taken care of her as well.' **Jarda's eyes widened as Bourne kicked the chair violently throwing the other agent onto the ground.

"If it's over, then why are they still after me?" Bourne growled.

"I don't know." Jarda answered.

"Ever heard the name Pamela Landy?" Bourne asked.

"I don't know." Jarda replied bored and sick of Bourne's questions. "Why would I lie?" Jarda asked resuming his seat. "I thought you were here to kill me." he looked at his watch. "I'm sorry."

"Did you call it in?" Bourne asked but he didn't wait for an answer he just walked over to the panel by the door.

"We should get out the back I have another car." Jarda said.

The phone rang and this time it was not to Bourne's advantage. Jarda caught him off guard with a hit to the head. Both agent went down fighting. Each taking a hit and giving one back. Bourne realized this fight could go on forever, Jarda and him were mirror images of each other.

Sometime during the scuffle Jarda came loose and acquired a knife. And though Bourne was armed with only a magazine he wielded it with deadly proficiency. They ended on the floor and Bourne managed to outmaneuver him and finally defeat him.

He felt no remorse as he passed Jarda's house in all its flaming glory. He headed to the Berlin airport and once he had gotten Landy's hotel and room number, Bourne waited for her to leave her room.

He followed her to the CIA's headquarters and watched on the roof of the Bosch building across from them.


	12. Jason & Nicky Collide in Berlin

Ok, I am totally sweating bullets. No pun intended.

Hopefully you guys won't hate me. I will update soon. I swear!!

Enjoy?...

Some parts aren't mine, movie dialogue and some information from Wikipedia.

I love that site.

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**Berlin, Germany atop the Bosch Building**

He set his sights and Landy was quickly located in the crosshairs. His eyes following her pacing. "What are you worried about?" he asked out loud. He picked up his cell phone and dialed, her phone rang twice before she picked up. "Pamela Landy."

"This is Jason Bourne." he muttered. Landy immediately began snapping her fingers at everybody to begin a trace. "What do you want?" she asked.

Bourne placed his hand on the trigger. Whether he pulled it all depended on her answer to his question, "Are you running Treadstone?" She responded and he almost believed her about Treadstone being closed. After all Jarda had said the same but he still wanted to be sure who's side she was really on. "Then who's planning the missions now?"

**'No missions, then why had they been hunting me since India.' **Bourne tightened his hand on the scope, "Then what do you want with me?" he asked.

"Berlin. Have you forgotten what happened in Berlin." she asked. Bourne opened his eye and stared ahead lost in his mind. _'You killed two people Bourne. You killed two people Bourne.' _her voice echoed just like Conklin's in his nightmares.

Jason couldn't get a grip as bits and pieces rushed through his mind. Berlin sign on the highway, a name, Vladimir Neski, a photograph of a family, and the woman pleading and whimpering.

He lost his handle on the scope and it swung away from him. It pointed sharply to the left and that was when he saw her.

Her hair no longer all blond and long as he often dreamed but it was her. Bourne pulled away from his scope and Jason clawed his way to the surface aching for the familiar face that accompanied some of few nice memories buried within all his tragic ones.

'_Jason? Hello? Anybody here?' she called turning left at the crossroads, which lead her to Italy. She supposed this appealed to his sense of irony. Since he couldn't take her with him around the world he had decided to bring the world to her. They had decided to visit Busch Gardens Europe._

_The park was laid out as a large circle that crossed the path between Banbury Cross, England and Heatherdowns, Scotland. A left turn at this crossroads leads to Italy/San Marco, while a right turn leads to Ireland. You could also follow the path straight into Heatherdowns, Scotland. _

_Beyond Heatherdowns, the walkway leads down a steep hill containing thirteen flights of stairs with slanted landings. At the base of this hill is the Rhine River Cruise boat ride. The path beyond the boat ride continues up an equally steep hill and stairs leading to Rhinefeld, Germany. Even though the Rhine River Cruise is one of the mildest rides in the park, it had become Jason's favorite and their meeting spot for the last few months._

'_Are you waiting for someone?' he asked in a terrible Italian accent. 'My boyfriend…' she hesitated, they had never agreed on the level of their relationship. She relaxed when his blue eyes stayed clear and his smiling face did not change. 'Well, I was waiting for someone but she is late.' he said dramatically._

'_Is she? What a shame.' Nicky responded patting his arm in mock sympathy. 'Since she is not here, she forfeits her present.' he replied and handed her a box. 'Would you mind giving it a loving home.' _

_Nicky's smile faltered and she took the box with trembling hands. Jason saw the smile dip and almost took it back. He had not meant to presume but he had seen it and could not resist. 'I thought you had forgotten.' she whispered opening the smooth velvet box. _

_Inside was another surprise, not jewelry but two smaller boxes. One midnight blue and the other black. Afraid she would drop them Jason took the blue one from her and opened it for her. Inside was a golden cross, it was delicate and heavy. _

"_Oh Jason, I…don't know what…" Jason went around her and lifted the cross from its box. He moved her hair and placed it around her neck. He clicked the tiny clasp in place and kissed her nape tenderly before letting her hair slide out of his hands. Tears were pooling in her eyes but she didn't allow herself to cry. _

'_Jason.' she said turning to him but he shushed her and took the black box from her and presented that one as well. Nicky wanted to open this one herself. Inside the black box was a pair of silver hoops. They were delicate and heavy like the cross but they were not as simple. They had a tier of three teardrops inside the hoop itself. 'Jason they are lovely.' she exclaimed._

_She knew he hated public displays of affection because he worried someone might see them and report back to Conklin but he didn't protest when she launched herself into his arms. All the boxes scattered on the floor at their feet. _

_'Happy Valentine's Day Nicolette.' he said. She mumbled something but he just squeezed her tighter and her tears slipped onto his face._

"Bourne?" Landy asked. He snapped back from the past and it shimmered like a mirage before disappearing leaving only her face staring earnestly at Landy thorough his scope.

"I wanna come in." he demanded. Landy answered him. The ball was in his court now, "I need someone I know to bring me in."

"Who?" Landy asked, completely unaware of her surveillance.

**'Would they agree to send her to him?' **he wondered. "There was a girl in Paris. She was part of the program." Landy stopped pacing and swung to look at Nicky. Nicky's face looked confused and he was amazed at what a relief that gave him.

After what had happened in Paris he had thought she would be afraid of him. His voice continued in the tone of someone arranging a pickup for dry cleaning. "She used to handle logistics. Alexander Strasse, 30 minutes, under the World clock. Send her alone. Give her your phone."

"What if I can't find her?" Landy stalled for time.

Jason paused for a second and replied, "It's easy. She's standing right next to you." He let the line go dead and all hell brake loose. Nicky looked around and out the window, Jason disappeared from sight as if she could see across the building and beneath the sign.

Now he just had to wait at Alexander Strasse to see her face to face.


	13. Parting in Germany

I know I promised but what can I say...

Jason doesn't want to be disturbed. He kidnapped Nicky like two days ago and he won't

let me get her back. I hear alot of giggling so she must be ok. (insert own conclusion here.)

I will make him let her go.

Anyway...Here you are.

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**Berlin, Germany - CIA Headquarters**

"It's easy. She's standing right next to you." Danny could do nothing but stare at Nicky. Enraged on her behalf, **'bastard. You had to drag her back didn't you. Heartless son of a bitch.' **

Danny thought, **'She had never been good at covering up her emotions.' **He had been shadowing her for years and could see the longing beneath the pain and her reluctance at being in the eye of the storm.

Landy was annoyed but her assistant Tom was very good and had already spread out maps on the tables. Danny shook his head,** 'They're looking for a weak point. Jason Bourne didn't have a weak spot unless you counted Nicky.' **He certainly hoped that Abbott didn't know that or Nicky would become the proverbial worm on a hook.

She was biting her lip, a sign she was stressed. He wanted to comfort her but Abbott kept tugging him towards every set of blueprints they had. A more detailed one was placed before him and it dawned on him, "Clock is right here--Shit he's put her right in the middle of everything."

Abbott gave him a warning look but his outburst went ignored. Tom Cronin voiced what Danny had been thinking all along, "This is a security nightmare. There is no way we are going to get her covered--"

Nicky looked to him and he gently squeezed her hand in reassurance. The touch was familiar but this was not the first time that Danny had been with her when Jason couldn't be.

**_New York original Headquarters of Pilot Program -- Treadstone - 5 yrs ago_**

_Daniel Michael Zorn had just been walking out of his NYU history class when he was approached by a severe looking man flanked by two other equally serious looking man. "Daniel Zorn?" the severe man asked but it was barked out._

_"I'm Daniel." he responded. "Who wants to now?" Danny asked in what he hoped was a tough guy voice._

_The man laughed, the sound rusty from lack of use, "You got balls kid. Alexander Conklin. Today is your lucky day. Come with us." Daniel followed the man to a rather impressive building that he later learned was the New York Office of the CIA._

_"Down this corridor to the left. The second door near the end of the hall. Wait inside." Conklin commanded as he showed the guard his badge and clearance I.D._

_Daniel arrived in a waiting room that would have looked very at home in any hospital in the_ _country. Seated to his right where several other kids his age. There were some men seated in the back. He sat down in the first available chair and waited._

_It must have been at least three hours since he had moved and the people around him kept changing every hour. Another few hours passed and his stomach grumbled in protest. Daniel pulled his bag, his hand searching for the energy bar that was always at the bottom. 'Are you really gonna eat that?' _

_Daniel looked up at Nicky Parsons. 'I'm sorry…What?' he asked. _

_She broke into a smile and sat down beside him, 'I said are you really gonna eat that.' She threw a curious glance at the all but forgotten bar. 'It looks like its been in there for a while, maybe it's time to let it go.'_

_Danny blushed and dropped the offending bar back in the bag. 'I guess so. I just been waiting for hours and my stomach protesting. I'm just trying to appease it.' he said. 'I'm Daniel Zorn.' he extended his hand and she shook it. Her hand was small but it fit in his comfortably. _

'_Nicolette Parsons, but my friends call me Nicky. Here, you can have a piece of mine. I just bought it. Fresh from the vending machine down the hall.' She replied, breaking off half of a chocolate chip Quaker bar._

'_Nicolette? That's nice. So what did you do to get in here?' he asked munching on his piece._

'_I'm majoring in statistical analysis, basically a glorified accountant. This guy, mean looking, Conklin or something showed up at my university and escorted me here. So Danny are you being recruited also?' she asked breaking smaller pieces of the bar as she spoke._

'_Yeah, I guess.' he said. He was going to ask her if she wanted to have coffee sometime._

_'When--'Daniel Zorn?' a big burly man with a clipboard called him from the doorway. 'Danny, my name is Danny.' he replied to the man scowling for ruining his chance._

_Her voice stopped him at the doorway, 'Nice to meet you Danny.' he turned and grinned at her, hoisting his bag a bit higher on his shoulder. 'You too Nicolette.' he answered._

'_Nicky, Danny. My friends call me Nicky.' his face took a slightly goofy look and he waved at her as the burly man lead him further down the hall. Nicky pulled a magazine from her bag and began to do a quiz. _

_Near the back, blue eyes watched as she chewed on a strand of long blond hair._

**Berlin - Present**

Their first meeting had been just one of many confused signals between him and Nicky over the years and they seemed to be continuing the tradition. Landy and Abbott argued whether or not Bourne really wanted to come in or if he was gunning for revenge.

"I'm not gonna pass up this chance to find out what it is." Landy yelled. "Don't be a fool. Not when where this close." Abbott argued back.

Danny watched them ping pong back and forth, no resolution in sight. He was just about to suggest an alternative when Landy cut him off. "Are we talking about protecting Nicky or killing Bourne."

Nicky yanked her hand from his, "We're talking about killing Bourne."

Abbott glared at her but Nicky was not ready to back down and Danny felt the old flame of jealousy spiral back. "We're talking about the next dead body. It might be Nicky. It will be someone." Abbott shouted.

Nicky visibly relaxed but Danny secretly hoped that Landy's thirst for information would not lead to placing Nicky as bait. He knew from experience that Bourne would take it. Abbott seemed to think better of fighting so he pinned Landy and asked her, "Can I talk to you privately?"

Danny took the opportunity to pull Nicky aside and make her see reason. "What, Danny. What do you want." she snapped pulling her arm from his hold. "Let me guess, you agree with Abbott about Jason?"

"Yes, as a matter a fact I do. Are you crazy? How could you even think of putting yourself in that position? You'd be a sitting duck. No backup and no way to extract you safely. He's made you bait and you're just going to go along with it?" he shouted.

"What do you want me to say? If Landy is calling the shots I have no choice. You once said that if the higher ups wanted to get rid of us there was nothing we could do. I'm a liability Danny." she said quietly.

"That's bullshit. If you're one so am I. I was, what did you call me, Conklin's lapdog. I was just as involved and Abbott was Conklin's boss so he knows that." he responded desperately. " Nicky, its only a matter of time till all connections to Bourne and Treadstone are eliminated. I couldn't handle hearing him kill you over some crappy connection." he pleaded.

"He's not gonna kill me. He knows me maybe he's even remembering me. Why else ask for me specifically?" she suggested.

"Because, Bourne is smart and he knows that you ran the missions. He probably wants to tie up all the loose ends." Danny stepped closer to her so that they could not be seen by Landy and Abbott who were still fighting in her office.

"He might remember Danny. What if he remembers? I can't let this chance get away. I've waited too long for this to happen just to back out now. I need to see him. I need to see Jason." Nicky hated being so weak but her control always slipped when it concerned him.

"He's not your Jason anymore." Danny gripped her arms, his finger digging into her sweater, "Just once Nicky. Give me a chance, I could help you if you let me. I know…" Nicky shook her head and leaned into him instead.

He embraced her. Her arms curled around him in a way they never had before. Danny realized that he would never be able to hold her this way again. He lost her the moment Jason had reached out for her. "Nicky." she bobbed her head, pressing her face against his lean frame. "I don't care if you don't love me but I just want you to know before you go out there how much I love you."

Her face was vulnerable and he knew how much it cost her to go out there not knowing which one she faced, Bourne or Jason. "I will always look out for you and I'm sorry for what I said in Amsterdam. I was just angry and hurt. I never meant it." he apologized.

"I know, I never meant anything I said either and Danny…" she didn't finish because at that moment she pressed her lips against him. She kissed him as if Jason had never come between them. "Danny Zorn, you are one of a kind." she said before giving him one last kiss.

They stepped away from each other and looked around.

Miraculously nobody had noticed. Abbott was coming out of the office, he did not have much time left. "Take this." Danny said pressing a key into her hand.

"What is this?" she asked alarmed. Landy was waving her over and Abbott would notice soon.

"Use it if you ever stop running." he replied. "But…what does it go to?" she asked.

"It will come to you. Think back to our past. Before Jason." he replied and walked away from her. It took all his willpower not to run back and kiss her. To drag her out of the office and run off with her. Away from Conklin's ghost and all the things that had systematically stolen their lives. For all three of them.

He only hoped she would remember. **'I hope I'm doing the right thing.' **he thought and approached Abbott with his suspicions. It was only when the knife slid between his ribs and he felt the hard stone stairs, that he was glad he had not trusted Abbott fully.

His eyes fluttered and the last scene of his life flashed before him. "Danny Zorn. You are one of a kind," followed by her kiss.

**'Protect her Jason, because I couldn't,'** he thought and breathed no more.


	14. Alexander Strasse, Under the World Clock

**I have not idea what happened this week. The plot bunnies were psychotic.**

**Finally the encounter... I hope it lives up to your expectations. It did for me but I'm **

**such ****an emotional wreck right now.**

**Enjoy**

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**Berlin, Germany – Alexander Strasse Square**

This is was it, after two years of avoiding anything that resembled her past life, she had come full circle. Just like in her first mission, she had to wait for the asset to come to her. Of course she had not been involved with Jason or any of the other assets at that time but for some reason she had felt more comfortable back then.

She looked behind her. A dark blue car pulled up, two guys got out. Above her on all sides snipers were placing their guns and using her as target practice. **'Two steps ahead of them and they don't even know it.' **

Protesters roamed around her, their banners obscuring her from the snipers and giving Jason the chance to get her. She scanned every face but he didn't appear.** 'Had this been a test? Please let your memories stay buried.' It was her only wish at this point.**

Landy's phone rang. Nicky reached for it gingerly as if expecting it to detonate in her hand. "Hello."

"There's a tram coming towards you. Get on it."

Nicky located the tram hurt at how cold his voice sounded. **'What has happened to you?'** She stuffed the phone back in her pocket and hurried to the tram. Louis and John were right behind her approaching the tram from a casual distance.

Jason had been at the entrance when she had climbed on. He'd been carrying the guilt of Marie's death with him across several countries. It frightened him how quickly Nicky could make that dissipate with just her presence.

He retreated far into the dark interior of the tram. The hidden corner was perfect and he eyed her hungrily. The scope had not been able to capture her in its small view. Here he was so close he could almost touch her.

He had to hold back, he didn't want to alarm her. He clenched his jaw and the effort did nothing but turn a blinding headache into a blinding migraine. They would arrive in Alexanderplatz Station in 20 seconds; he had to make his move now.

He broke through the crowd. Her back was to him. She still wore his favorite perfume, the scent intoxicated him. It was more crucial than ever for him to remember their full history. 'How much does she know about me?'

Her hair was more dark brown than blonde but little strands of her original color pee-a-booed through, hiding and teasing.

_'I hate my hair, it is so airhead.' Nicky yelled tugging at the offending follicle. 'Do you think I should dye it?' she asked him. Jason looked up from the test she had given him._

_"Why? It's a good color; it won't stand out in a crowd." He remarked. His mind was completely engrossed and he missed the clue that meant he had said something wrong._

_She had the actual nerve to smack him. It was shock pure and simple, that was why he had missed the question. **'She hit me. She actually hit me.' **She had her hand on her hip and the other was taping her clipboard. "What?" he asked defensively._

_"What kind of answer is that? You were supposed to say, 'Never change. You are beautiful exactly as you are.' She said in such a ridiculously low voice that he cringed._

_"I don't sound like that." He sulked still upset that she had gotten the upper hand on him. After all he was Jason Bourne-- the most elite asset in Treadstone history, so far. To have 135 lb., soaking wet and holding a 20 lb. bag of cement, petite blond reach out and whack him, and catch him off guard kind of hurt his professional pride._

_Since he gave no other mature response besides his sulking. She matched his_ level with one of her _own. Nicky stuck her tongue out at him, her mouth going into full little girl pout mode._

_Jason put aside his pride. This was the woman that might actually carry his child one day. Now was not the time to worry about their level of professional accomplishments._

_'**Did I really just think that?' **Jason wondered surprised and a bit alarmed. **'I'll get back to that later.' **_

_'**Coward.' **His mind shouted at him. **'Ok, that was new.' **He mused, pushing that very derailed train aside Jason tended to Nicky. 'You are beautiful exactly as you are.'_

_Nicky snorted, clearly she was not convinced but he continued. 'Nothing you do changes that. So feel free to dye your hair any color you want. I'll still want you.' He finished._

_Nicky's mouth hung open, her expression more comfortable on a trout's face than on his pretty girlfriend. 'You're forgiven.' She said giving him a quick peck on the mouth._

_'Nicky, Conklin wants to debrief you about…' Danny Zorn had stopped mid-sentence. His eyes so wide that Jason feared he would have to pick them off the floor and offer them back to him._

_'Thanks Danny. I just need to finish with Bourne's evaluation.' She replied straight faced. Jason stuck his chest out a little more. A downcast Danny nodded and slammed out of her office. 'Great, hope he doesn't squeal to Conklin. You better go, I still have to write up your report.' Nicky sighed._

_Jason dropped the finished paper on her desk, 'Hey, you really are beautiful.' He said in all seriousness. Nicky gave him a tight smile. 'Am I?" she mocked._

_'Yep. Especially when you're wracked with guilt.' Jason replied but he didn't hear her response because he was smart enough to duck out of the room. _

_Nicky annoyed always meant an innocent object being flung at his equally innocent head._

_He muffled a snicker and composed his face into its usual, 'I'm here to kill you look.'_

This scene was so far removed from anything he had ever experienced with Marie that the guilt nearly doubled him over. He breathed deeply, grabbed Nicky's arm and dragged her off the tram.

Nicky had known he was there. She wanted to make sure it wasn't just her paranoia but her fear was confirmed. She knew that hold, only Jason could carry and drag you at the same time. She panted in fear but she wasn't sure if it was fear of getting rescued or being pulled away from Jason.

It was easy to slip back into this habit of letting him lead her but she had her own agenda, she needed to know how much he truly remembered if anything. Jason was about to ask her about something but Nicky stopped him pointing at the wire beneath her scarf.

"Jason, please don't hurt me." She said quickly.

Her mistake was obvious by the change in his tone, Jason stepped aside and Bourne took over, "What were my words? What did I say? I said leave me alone, leave me out of it."

Nicky answered very aware the situation was skewing out of her control, "I did. I swear. Jason, I told them that I believed you." A note of very real fear had entered her voice and she was very sure of what she was afraid of.

"I'm gonna ask you some simple questions." He yanked her forward. **'She was trying to escape him?' **Bourne was still in control and he was not about to jeopardize answers for sentimentality. Jason was now in accordance with Bourne, "You're gonna answer me honestly, or I swear to God I'm gonna kill you."

Nicky stopped fighting, **'I'm dealing with Bourn****e now. I haven't dealt with him in so long.' **Nicky trembled but she would not show it. She dug for the experience that Nicolette Parson - handler and coordinator, not Nicky had amassed during those three years in Paris.

"Who's Pamela Landy?"

"She's a task force chief." Nicolette responded.

"Is she running Treadstone?" Bourne queried ignoring the calm he suddenly felt with Nicky so close to him.

"No, she's the deputy director." Nicolette replied a little more normal and beginning a more moderate pace. She kept her attention ahead, she couldn't afford to be distracted now.

"Why is she trying to kill me?" Bourne asked but it was Jason that struggled to look behind them and not at her.

"Last week an agency field officer tried to make a buy off of one of her ops." Jason lessened his grip. Nicky matched his pace, "He was trying to sell out a mole or something and you got to him before we did."

**To be continued...**


	15. Alexanderplatz Station

**I know I'm Evil, Evil!! The chapter was huge, I had to split it. **

**Here's the second part. Not even a day of wait.**

**Enjoy...**

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**Berlin, Germany - Alexanderplatz Station**

"I killed him?" Jason snapped.

Nicky fought the urge to squirm but looked at him, "You left a print. There were partial prints that trace back to Treadstone. They know it was you." Nicky was confused, '**if Bourne hadn't done it then what the hell was going on?'**

Jason was as perplexed as she was, "That is insane." He said out loud.

They were going in circles and she had to know why he had decided to pop back into the radar. Effectively screwing her over in a way she didn't like and certainly didn't appreciate considering how she had covered his ass with Abbott. "Why are you doing this? Why come back now?" she interrogated him, "Landy will find--"

As angry as Bourne was for what was happening to him it was no match to the torrent of feeling and frustration that welled up inside Jason. He hadn't meant to but it had been so long. He had been chasing her through his memories and dreams for the last year.

His rigid control snapped and he pinned her to one of the metal columns. The desire raged through him and he would have given anything to just take her right there and then. To possess her again and deliver his body from the lust that was driving him mad.

Nicky was surprise by the ferocity in his face as if he was holding himself back somehow. Her back was plastered to the metal and she was raised on tiptoes. She could almost imagine him lifting her legs around him. Making love to her with that uncontrollable passion that only she could make him release when the demons of his work got to him and he couldn't hold on anymore.

His hand moved up of its own accord, fingers clenched in agonized control to stop himself from bruising her until he heard his name in her voice. It would be so easy to find that acceptance like with Marie.

Her name stopped him cold and all the liquid fire turned to frost. "Stop. Stop." The command was for him but she took it, whatever had flared in her eyes was quelled by her fear of him and he let it stay. She wasn't such a temptation if she feared him.

"Last week I was 4,000 miles away in India watching Marie die." He shouted at her.

Nicky's heart took another punishing blow. Her Jason morphed into a split version of Jason now and Bourne now. Terrifying and unknown to her, it was Bourne at his deadliest but with the emotional wreck of a new Jason.

"They came for me, and they killed her instead. This ends now," he yelled propelling towards a hidden bunker. She didn't care if he killed her now.

**'What did it matter?' **She didn't know this stranger in Jason's body. He didn't care about her or her feelings. Nicky envied this Marie. At least she had been killed before she could lose him but Nicky had to mourn him with him standing in front of her, unaware of their past.

Nicky gasped as she collided with the wall. She fell to her knees and nearly laughed,** 'How appropriate he's going to assassinate me.' **But she was shocked at the reversal of character.

"What do you people want with me? Why are you trying to frame me?" he shouted. His anguish was genuine and he seemed so much like her Jason. He was so angry and tense but still in control and very dangerous.

An animal backed into a corner trying to survive. **'They broke you again and I wasn't there to put you together.' **He was slipping from her but she had to try, "Please! I'm only here because of Paris. Abbott dragged us--"

Jason seized on the name, "Abbott? Who's Abbott?

"Conklin's boss. He-He shut down Treadstone," she said.

Jason soaked up the terror, trying to make her hate him. She had to hate him or he would take her down with him just like Marie. "Is he here in Berlin?"

"Yes." She could barely get the word out and his resolve hung by a thread.

"Did he run Treadstone?"

She was sobbing now. "Did he run Treadstone?" he shouted again. He was making her cry. He was making his Nicky cry.

"Yes. Conklin reported to him." She half sniffled half sobbed, "Please. Please, I swear—"

He could just hold her and nobody would know. He knew Nicky could keep a secret, she was loyal to him but the repercussion of his revenge would find her and he'd never be able to live with himself.

His own emotions were running high and he had to step back. "What was Landy buying? What kind of files?"

"Conklin—stuff on Conklin." She cringed at each one of his question. She was falling in on herself, physically dodging his verbal blows. "It was something to do with a Russian politician." she was breaking down his resistance and if he wasn't careful she would kill them both.

His mind cycled through the images of that night, a room number 645, a dead woman on the floor a gun in her hand. He saw past Nicky, reliving that rainy night. "Neski." Just one out of many names he still didn't know.

The spell was broken by her question, "Wh-What? What are you talking about?"

He was a fool. The woman who had been his handler, she had been responsible for every part of their missions was standing before him. Surely if anybody knew all of Conklin's dirty secrets, she did. "When—When was I here in Berlin?"

Nicky was standing at the edge of the cliff and the ground was crumbling beneath her fast, "What are you talking about?" she played for time. He was close to pushing her but she would fall. It was only a matter a time.

"For Treadstone. I did a job here. You know my file. I did a job here." He kept shouting it as if by sheer volume she would see it as true.

**'Would she be able to look him in the eyes and lie?' **Nicky racked her brains she had no way out. "No, you never worked in Berlin before." He just had to push.

"My first job, you know my file." He was moving her closer and she was going to let him. "You never worked in Berlin before. Your first assignment was Geneva." She pushed all of her conviction into her response. **'He had to buy it; he had to for his sake.'**

"You fucking people." Bourne was no longer separate from Jason. They were now united in their anger and betrayal. By the agency, by Conklin but even worse because even Nicky had proven that betrayal knew no bounds.

She saw it coming. Jason pushed and she fell. "I know I was here, Nicky!"

Nicky flailed in the empty air, her instinct to survive at war with her love for him. "I swear! I swear!" she cried over and over. "It's not in your file!"

Jason pressed the gun into her hair, that hair that he had combed through with his fingers every time he came back alive. Her pleas echoed in his head and released the ones of that other woman. The German woman, who had resorted to whimpering in her native tongue. It fractured him.

The German woman's cries separated and became two separate entities.

Marie and Nicky; the two women he loved. One who had died beside him and one that had almost died because of him. Bourne move forward and dragged Nicky back onto the emotional cliff, leaving her whimpering.

Jason Bourne now whole stormed away, ashamed at what he had become. Nicky gulped in as much air as possible. She filled her lungs until she thought her ribs would snap.

She remained in the bunker until she fell asleep on the floor, Tom Cronin picked up her. Landy checked in on her but Nicky pretended to sleep.

Landy uttered it quietly to her people but Nicky heard it loud and clear. Danny's body had been found, Abbott had committed suicide and Jason Bourne was missing again.

Only then did she really suffer, "I'm sorry I lied to you. So sorry."


	16. Entering London

**Hello Just a little short to tie you over.**

**Thank you to all my reviewers. You make it possible for me to keep writting. **

**Like a writting Cheer Squad. (GO Verel, GO Verel!)**

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**Two Years into the Treadstone Program**

_"Shannon Ripley?" the name echoed up and down the corridor until Nicky rose from her seat. "The doctor will see you now." the nurse looked up from her clipboard long enough to shake her head and grumble._

_A nurse nudged the door open for her and she sat down on the_ crinkly paper covering. **_'How could I have been so stupid. I should have never…' _**

_"Ms. Ripley? I'm Dr. Malcolm. Now what seems to be the problem?" he closed the door behind him and faced her, "Oh. Never mind. Can you tell me how this happened?" the doctor looked over her arm but didn't touch her._

_"I was hanging some drapes, my stepstool wobbled and I fell." Nicky replied to the ceiling. "Hmm, ok. It doesn't look like a compound fracture so will have you up and about in no time." he scribbled something onto her chart and excused himself._

_'**He didn't mean to hurt me, he didn't mean to hurt me.' **Nicky repeated these words over and over._

_'**I just have to set some rules. I should have known better. You know what he goes through, you cannot be this careless next time.' **she berated herself._

_A young nurse came in and sterilized her arm for an IV. She dozed off grateful to escape the pain. She woke several hours later groggy and thirsty. "How are we feeling. Much better I hope." Dr. Malcolm chatted. "I've ordered some X-rays to see the full scope of your fall and then I'll see about getting you a cast." he smiled and Nicky returned to her dreamland._

_She was wheeled, prodded X-rayed and finally casted. She called a cab, taking small steps to it. The door of the cab closed before she could reach it. She cussed at the driver but when the rain began pelting her she began to laugh._

_"How much meds did they give you?" he asked materializing from the shadows._

_"Not enough." she hiccupped._

_"Come on, I have a car waiting." he steered her to his car which was just as hidden as he'd been. Normally he would have complained of wet anything in his precious vehicle but she was safe and that was all he cared about. "I'll take you home…" he began._

_"No, I don't want…" the exhaustion coated her voice but she struggled on. "Not alone, take me with you." she said._

_"Any other time, I would have been happy to hear that." Putting the car in motion._

**Moscow - Home of Irina Neski - Only child of Vladimir Neski**

He had learned over the years that being in his line of work would eventually give him nightmares. The tasks he had to complete every few months had scarred him to the point of ignorance.

He no longer wanted to know the why or who or what. He got a photograph, a location and a time. He went and killed and then walked out no questions asked.

Now was one of those time he wished he had asked the why. How did you explain to a barely grown up girl that you're mother was framed and shot because she had been in the wrong place. How to tell her that killing her parents had not been personal or even political but just a cover up for fraud.

To her credit the girl just looked at him. It had been worth sitting for hours with a bullet lodged in him. She shifted a bit getting more comfortable in this new knowledge and years melted off her.

"I'm sorry." he got up not bothering to wait for a reaction.

Her mother's screams were translated and made sense to him. Letting the memory lay to rest. A memory that proved that her parents had loved her, that her mother had cried and pleaded that they had a daughter and she could keep quiet.

She didn't need to know that so he didn't say it but he no longer had to carry it either.

His reflection was pallid and sweaty. His confession had drained him more than he expected. He dug the bullet out and screamed. His bloody hand slipped off the sink and into the icy water.

That was the problem with confessions. Sure they were good for the soul but when you let one go another popped up in its place. He gasped at the shock of cloth being drenched. He fought back as his face became encased in darkness and hands held the frigid hood.

"_Do you commit to the program? Do you commit to the_ program."the voice echoed. Jason bowed his head in defeat. **'How many secrets were still hidden from him and which one would succeed in killing the humanity he was gaining.'**


	17. Back In Madrid

****

**_Aren't you shocked and amazed! Two Updates. What is the world coming to?_**

**_This will solve the confusion of the last chapter. _**

**_Although the idea of Jason with PMS had me rolling._**

**

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**

**Madrid Safe house - Six Months Later**

"Nicky Parsons, is it?" Neal Daniels queried not bothering to look up from his desk. "A bit young to be so involved in Opps. Says here you were a logistics coordinator for Alexander Conklin. Apparently you're also the only person to cross paths with Jason Bourne since he went rogue, not once but twice and live to tell about it."

It was an observation not an accusation but Nicky felt the sting and defended herself. "I worked with him. I was his handler. I learned how to defuse him." She wasn't going to give him more rope to hang her. They could all go to the devil as far as she was concerned. She just wanted to survive.

"A pretty girl like you. I don't doubt it. However as my second in command, you'll have a new task. I expect you to follow orders and keep abreast of anything connected to Blackbiar. You follow orders and not ask questions and I guarantee you, we will get along just fine. Understand?"

"Yes sir." **'What new snake pit did I stumble into.' **Nicky twisted her ring and nodded. "Would you like me to set up right now or are we moving to another location?"

"I have one last question, Miss Parsons. Do you perchance know what Bourne's first mission was?" Daniels could read people, it was an amazing gift. **'If she answers truthfully then she can't be trusted. If she lies then I can give her the package Danny left her.'**

Nicky swallowed her discomfort, she couldn't tell Daniels what he wanted it would cost them all too much. "His first assignment was Geneva. It was strictly recon. His first kill order was Dublin."

Neal leaned back in his chair, smug satisfaction evident on his face. **'Conklin, that paranoid nut had to have trusted you since he did allow you to care for his boys. Behind that cute little face lurked the secrets to Jason Bourne.'**

"That's all. Three blocks from here is you base. Find it and be here tomorrow evening. Here is you new I.D."

Nicky reached for the passport dropping it into her pocket without glancing at it. She got to the street and breathed a huge sigh of relief. **'Ok. You passed. Good girl.' **Nicky had to backtrack several times before she found her new home. Figuring now was a good a time as any she flipped the passport open to read her new name.

In big bold black letters the name, Shannon Ripley glared up at her. "Oh Shit!"

**Outside Safe House #3 - 2 Yrs into the Treadstone Project**

_"Is this where you live?" her words slurred together. The medication made her chatty which was strange yet entertaining._

_"You could say that." She would never make it up the stairs to his walk up. __"Stay right here." He got out of the car quickly and opened the door just in time to catch her spilling out of it. "Whoa. I thought I would have to wait to see you trashed."_

_Indignant Nicky tried to punch his arm but missed and caught air instead. "No more meds for you, sweetheart," he muttered. His task was becoming more complicated as she struggled. _

_"That tickles." He managed to loop her good arm around his neck swiftly lifting her into his arms._

_"You swept me off my feet. I never knew you had it in you," she said burrowing her face into his collar enjoying the smell of him. "What cologne are you wearing? It smells nice." Her eyes fluttered and she took a deep breath._

_"It's not cologne. It's aftershave but thank you," he said to the sleepy girl._

_He could have blamed the trembling in his arms to standing too long in one position or maybe he was shaking from the cold shifting his hair and not her fingers curling at the edge of his nape making it stand on end._

_Nope it wasn't this girl that he had caught kissing one of their most ruthless assets and wishing desperately that it had been him instead. Nope it was not how she snuggled into him like this was an everyday occurrence._

_It wasn't how whenever she didn't want to be recognized she used his baby sister's name, Shannon Ripley. The same little sister that had died in the car accident that left him without a scratch but claimed his father and forced him to be the man of the house at the tender age of 12._

_Nope it was how she had wormed her way into his heart with half a piece of a Quaker oat bar. It was how she had stood up to Conklin and told him that none of the men were field ready and taken a slap in the face for her trouble. It was how she had hidden the fact that her own father had passed away while she'd been in a meeting trying to get both of their rears out of trouble with Abbott._

_It was how in her most vulnerable state she turned to him and not Jason._

_He gazed at the sky in recrimination. "You have it out for me, don't you?" he snapped at the silent universe. He kicked the car door closed. "Maybe it's time to let things go. To let you go."_

_Nicky stirred and shook her head, "Not yet Danny. Don't let go."_


	18. Between London & Madrid

**Thank you guys for lighting a fire under my inspiration. It has been lacking.**

**Here you go. Enjoy. I have not given up and will finish it.**

**That's a promise.**

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**Train – Between Paris and Waterloo**

It had been harder to speak to Marie's brother than Neski's daughter. Partly because Bourne agreed with him. It was only after Marie was killed that he knew her brother had been right. It was always going to end like this.

"I didn't believe that," Jason had told him but Jason had lied.

He carried death with him and Marie had found out first hand. That was why he had failed the Wombosi mission. He didn't want to further taint his relationship with Nicky. His brain skated to a stop at the admission. Relationship? At best he thought they might have been fooling around but a relationship was beyond him.

He pushed the thought away, he didn't want to deal with it yet. He had to focus on Ross and who is source was. Once he did then he would confront Nicky.

The train ride was anything but soothing. As he read Ross's report his whole bizarre life came back. Snatches of conversations.** 'Do you commit to the program.'**

**'I can't.'**

Marie, his marie as he kissed and held her. Careening out of control and landing roughly in the water. Floating away from him. A white washed corridor as he followed some man he didn't recognize.

Someone, a girl, a blonde that caught his attention for a second inside a side room.

**'Nicky.'**

**Beginning of Treadstone – NY Five Years Ago**

"Nicolette Parsons. I'm Alexander Conklin." Nicky looked up at the man that had introduced himself at her college earlier.

"I know who you are, what's this about?"

Conklin smiled briefly impressed by her bravado. "Will you commit to our program?"

She was confused. How could she commit to something that she knew nothing about? "What does the program entail? What would I have to do?" she asked.

Conklin was about to answer but his attention was diverted to the door. To the pupil that he hoped would be the beginning of a whole new era of black opps. He admired how she didn't flinch instead she just stared curiously at David before redirecting her gaze to him.

**'Yes, she would be the one. She would be his way into their minds.' **

He turned back to her and answered her questions. "The program entails complete and utter devotion. Compliance in every way, without any questions. You follow protocol and you'll get the adventure of a lifetime."

"Make a friend or two in the process." He smirked at her and for the first time she had serious misgivings of this whole business. She then remembered Danny but his face was suddenly replaced by the man with the blue eyes.

"I commit to this operation to the best of my abilities." Nicky said extending her hand to Conklin. She had no idea how much she would regret those words later.

**Madrid – Safehouse – 2 hours after the murder of Simon Ross**

"Dammit, where the hell are my keys! Ughh." Nicky or Elize as she was going by was definitely pissed. She had woken up late, her microwave was on the fritz and now she couldn't find her keys. **'Could her day get any worse?'**

Apparently it could, her cell rang. "2574," she answered automatically coding in. Only one person called this phone but she had learned to be careful, cell phones could be hacked. She had found her keys and was just about to raise the cup of coffee to her lips but the cup and keys crashed to the floor as the man on the other side babbled away.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

**'No, why now?'** She was just getting her life together. She didn't want anything to do with them, with him. She was done with Jason Bourne. Alexanderplatz had drilled that into her.

"I'll be right there. Yes, I know. Be safe. Goodbye and goodluck." Nicky hung up dazed. Jason had killed someone else. Some reporter, the same reporter that Daniels was talking to and now Jason was coming for him and possibly her.

She knew Jason. If he found out the origins and how much she knew, he wouldn't hesitate this time. He would put a bullet in her brain but given what had transpired between them in Berlin, that would be a kindness in her eyes.

She had maybe two hours to scour the apartment. Get the stuff from the safe house and disappear along with Daniels. She wiped down her apartment as best as she could and incinerating anything that tied her to Daniels and Blackbiar.

She pulled the bag from the closet and yanked the false bottom of her desk lamp. She pulled the wad of cash and shoved it into her pocket. She locked the apartment and ran to her car. She had one hour left to beat Jason there.

Nicky pulled the car out of park spot and sped down the streets of Madrid.


	19. Confrontation At Calle Norte

**Ok... After a long hiatus. I am back people.**

**More updates will be forthcoming. I actually have two more chapters written but I have to tweak them.**

**Thanks for you patience. **

**Enjoy...**

**As usual nothing belongs to me. Most of the dialogue is straight from the movie. I just threw in my ideas...**

* * *

The building was brick, white brick to be exact. It had a small balcony with wooden shutters typical of the area. All in all it was just another unassuming structure among another unassuming European city. He realized that the visit to the states had made him grouchier. He was more than a little annoyed that all his leads and connections seemed to keep him crossing the Atlantic.

All the traveling reminded him too much of Marie. Now that he had discovered more about Nicky it seemed his mind had switched back to Marie. Nicky was still a sore subject to him. **'Why was it, he couldn't think of the one without the other?'**

**Calle Norte Safe House - (Sewell & Marbury - Banca de Inversion Y Mercados Globales )**

He read the wall plaque and rang the bell. If they answered he had hit another dead end and Simon Ross had died for nothing. No answer was forthcoming as he tilted his head to look up at the building. He finally had a plausible lead. The building had a few security cameras but they were obviously cheap, the good ones would be inside the door. The front of the place did have a convenient hood that shadowed the door from casual passerbys. A fact that would help greatly once night fell.

Hours later Bourne approached the darkened façade making quick work of the lock. It was as he had expected. The place was alarmed but empty. An overturned light cast a small pool on the few scattered papers left. He was too late. Whoever Ross had been talking to had already disappeared and taken all the data with him.

He riffled through the papers, just maybe he might find something useful. Bourne quickly located a picture with two men who looked vaguely familiar. One of the many disadvantages of Amnesia was that everything appeared as déjà vu.

Bourne closed his eyes willing the fragile memories to break through ----

_'You're mission will save American lives.'_ A corridor, the same white corridor he'd been dreaming about since he'd left Moscow. The same dark deep voice asking if he would commit.

Bourne shook the memory dropping one hand onto the floor to steady himself. He felt winded and panted as if he'd been running. Jason emerged and Bourne backed away from the trauma.

_'Really give yourself to this program.'_

_'I can't.'_

But he had and this was the consequence. He could almost feel the bag tightening once more over his face and the hand crushing his larynx forcing him to struggle for breath. For a moment he sympathized with everyone one of his targets.

All those nameless people that had been murdered at his hand. The images flashed one after another. The sensations just as brutal as the first time he'd experienced them.

The cold water sloshing around him wetting his torso. His head and body colliding unmercifully with the tank as he was thrown to the floor with the darkness still encasing his vision. The bespectacled man ripping the hood along with some hair off him watching as he spit up water.

He had no idea how long they had lasted this time but he was not surprised to find himself on all fours, his hand still resting on the photograph that had conjured the images.

Bourne rose off the floor regaining control once Jason had suppressed the worst of them. A quick glance showed that the collection team had arrived. Bourne almost smiled. This he could handle. This was second nature to him and the devastating effects of his shared memories faded away as he prepared the trap.

He waited crouched on a tiny ledge near the window. Ready to leap out of it if necessary. He counted the footsteps and heard the men talking.

"The safe is empty. It looks like he left in a hurry."

He'd been right they had come to terminate whoever the source was. They were jumpy. He could almost hear their hearts thumping away. Treadstone had taught all the original assets the value of controlling one's body and it was obvious that the training these men had gotten wasn't up to the old standards.

No wonder they were so desperate to take him out. He was a giant leap forward and they were running backwards. They headed towards the fan making ridiculous signals at each other before shooting repeatedly at the door.

Bourne waited til their clips were empty before he came up from beside them. Landing a powerful blow to the arms of one as the other was taken by surprise with a swift kick in the side. An elbow to the chest and a quick series of jabs to the underside of the ribs and both men were soon incapacitated and on the ground.

He didn't stop to congratulate himself as the door from the street clicked and became visible from the security screens. Someone was coming up. Not taking a chance he grabbed a gun and cocked it ready to shoot whoever was being sent up next.

He made it to the door just as it swung open and the person walked in. He tapped the arm right at the nerve point forcing the person to face him.

In slow motion the dark coat gave way to a gray colored scarf as a head of mostly brown with strands of blonde spun and he stared once more into the dark brown depths of Nicky's eyes. Adrenaline was still coursing through him and for once he dared to ask her the first thing on his mind.

"What are you doing here?"

Nicky stayed rooted to the spot not sure what to make of having made a habit of viewing Jason Bourne behind the barrel of a gun pointed at her.

**Madrid - Several hours before **

Nicky had been forced to send a quick wire transfer to her Belgium and Australian banks before setting up a decoy to the Switzerland and Tunisian ones. Daniel's had given her explicit orders of what to do when and if they were compromised.

She had done the transfer and had left the Calle Norte safe house sure that everything she needed was taken and nothing that had anything to do with Black Briar was left. Daniels had given her several passports and quickly rigged up two more aliases for her just in case.

Both of them knew that with Abbot's and Conklin's crooked shenanigans out in the spot light that the agency would not waste time in gunning down the rest of the black ops including all the original members. Nicky had just gotten two tickets to the next available ferry where Daniels and her would go their separate ways.

She was busy confirming the last of the travel details when her mobile rang for the second time. "2574."

"Nicolette, listen to me." Neal Daniel's knew he was going to die. He didn't know where or how but he knew that once he had allowed himself to talk to Ross that his death certificate had been signed.

"2574." Nicky repeated.

"No, Nicky. I have one last job for you to do for me, sweetheart." Neal's raspy voice echoed and she could tell this was his last directive.

"I took everything. I left nothing that will compromise you but you have to follow this last order. This was Danny's and my last request for you."

Nicky swallowed the tears and answered in the affirmative. "Go back to the Calle Norte House. Stay there until the team arrives because a team will arrive for me. Tell them I wired money to Tangiers and send them after me."

"I can't…I… please…"

"Listen very carefully to me Nicolette. I have known what was expected of me and knew that this job would be the end all for me but it doesn't have to be for you. You have kept Conklin's and Abbott's and now my secrets. But you have to leave the agency or it will be the end of you as well."

"Daniels…what about Bourne? What do I do---"

Daniels cut her off, his cell phone was being triangulated and they would catch up with him in no time.

"Nicky, help Bourne if you can. Lead him to me and then disappear. Go to the train station in Berlin and you will find a locker with the number of the code in. Use the key. The rest you'll have to figure out on your own. Goodbye Nicky."

Neal Daniel's section chief of Madrid hung up and boarded the flight to Tangiers. He had given Nicky and Jason what they needed. He hoped it was enough.

**Present - Calle Norte House**

"What are you doing here?" he asked her.

No sense of remorse or longing. Nothing that showed her he had even thought about her for a second since he had left her a crying shivering mess in that tunnel in Alexanderplatz.

He looked awful. He was panting heavily and the gun shook just enough for her to recall that meeting in Paris about three years ago. His eyes were searching her for any concealed weapons. He was just as strong as before as evidenced when he grabbed at her when she came through the door but he was edgy. She also had a feeling he had been wounded not too long ago and had done shoddy patch work.

Whatever had transpired since Moscow had taken a toll on him. All this was tallied up between his question and her response.

"I was posted here after Berlin." **'After you used me.' **

"Where's Daniels?" **'After I abandoned you.' **

She didn't answer. **'After I lied to you.'**

"Where is he?" he asked again. **'After I held you.' **

More silence but she still just drank him in. He was going to leave her again of that she was very sure. **'After I betrayed and then cried for you.'**

The phone rang and both were spurred into action. He waved his gun and she moved. It had been this way when she had been his handler. He had always waited for her signal to begin his treatment and know they were role reversing.

She would have laughed had she been sure he wasn't going to shoot her. She was up against the new Jason and he was harder to read.

"Hello?" her voice was a bit trembly and silently Jason moved Bourne aside to watch.

"Who is this?"

"This is Nicky Parsons," she answered losing all the hesitation and regaining her professional persona.

"Nicky, I need to do an ID challenge." The man commanded.

Jason's hackles were raised as were Bourne's. "Code in, Sparrow."

Nicky looked up at Bourne. His gun had not moved and it was trained on her with precision. She could end it here. She could say Ruby and be done. She could save herself as Danny and Neal had told her to. She could have a life outside the web of lies and deceit that she had helped build.

**_New York - Five Years Ago - Pilot Program Treadstone_**

_"Nicky, This is David Webb. He is our new recruit. He will be the first subject in the Treadstone program. You are to observe only. If there are any complications you are to report to Dr. Hirsch or myself. Is that understood?" Conklin asked._

_Nicky glanced at the man sitting quietly in front of Dr. Hirsch. She flinched as a black bag was yanked over his head and he was forcibly dunked in the ice cold water. She pressed closer to the glass as he struggled and fought the two men holding him down._

_They dragged him out of the tank and his head covering was pulled off just in time for him to vomit onto the floor. Nicky looked away and into the cold eyes of her new boss._

_"Toughen up, Nicky it only gets worse from here on in." Conklin remarked smirking as she pressed a hand to the glass directly where David was kneeling._

_"Will I get to talk to him?" she asked._

_"Not yet. In two months I'll be reassigning you to the Paris section. I want you to set up a safe house and start a network of places for the assets to live. You will be directly in charge of them."_

_"Why me, sir?" Nicky asked._

_"Incentive, my dear. My boys need an incentive." Conklin chuckled and left her there._

"Response, Everest." She looked back down at the phone. There was no need to give away all her feelings.

"Nicky, this is Noah Vosen. How long have you been on-site?"

"I just walked in."

**'That's my girl.' **Jason applauded but Bourne remained ready to strike.

He could tell she was refusing to look at him. Here she was lying for him and he still had the damn gun on her. He fought the urge to apologize but all their lives were at stake right now. Not just his but hers as well.

"We have two officers on-site. Are you in contact with them?" Vosen asked.

She looked up but her gaze fell and he realized that she was seeing Bourne not Jason. "They're down. Unconscious but alive."

"Any sign of Neal Daniels?" Vosen queried.

"No." she responded quickly. Much too quickly by the twitch in Bourne's face. **'Damn, she'd screwed up and now she would have to tell him. There was no telling what mood he was in so she couldn't afford to lie.'**

"Nicky, this is Pam Landy." Bourne dropped the gun a smidge cocking his ear to hear her better. "We have reason to believe there's a connection between Neal Daniels and Jason Bourne."

"Bourne? You're still looking for Bourne? I thought that case was closed." Nicky's fear was starting to resurface. **'Where they after Black Briar? If Daniels was involved and Bourne was chasing him, it could only mean that Bourne was looking for his past. That Jason was looking for him past.'**

A past that did not paint her in a favorable light.

Pamela's response cut through the panic that was rapidly consuming her, "no, some people are convinced he's still a threat." She paused and Bourne stepped just a bit closer to Nicky. "I disagree, but to find out I need to talk to him."

"Hold on, Nicky." Vosen abruptly cut off the conversation leaving Nicky to gaze at the gun still in his hands.

He saw her as threat but he couldn't be sure which kind. Those eyes reminded him of much happier times. Times when they had laid together in bed and he had pulled on those silken strands that always covered them. He immediately raised the gun again.

Her sadness cut through him, "are you going to shoot me?"

It was such a simple question, he should have been able to give a simple answer. "I don't know."

"Why?" she asked.

"Why, what?"

"Why don't you know. Either I am an enemy or I am an ally." She shrugged her shoulders as if it was up to him. "You choose and you decide. You're the one with the gun."

"So which are you?" he asked.

"Depends what side you're on, I guess," she replied.

Jason saw the strand of hair shift and sway past her eye. It rested on her cheek and she tucked it back behind her ear. "Are you nervous?"

Puzzled at his inquiry, he elaborated. "You always tuck your hair behind your ear when you're nervous. I used to love---" he trailed off and his face lost the brief softness. He scrunched his eyes in pain before gaining control and glaring at her for forcing him to confront such a memory.

"Old habits die hard. Jason. Some don't die at all," she answered nearly touching the chain at her neck. She remembered her audience a moment too late but still let her hand drop.

"Nicky, I need you to stay put and secure the premises." Vosen said coming back on line breaking the tension.

Both Jason and Bourne saw her fingers almost touch the chain at her throat and filed it away for future contemplation but for the moment they focused on Vosen's instructions.

"Backup will be arriving in approximately one hour. Do you copy?"

"Copy, Sir." Nicky affirmed and hung up.

"How long do I have?" Bourne asked.

**'He's leaving me behind, again.' **Blinking back the tears at the truth of that statement she told him, "three minutes."

**'Come with me… Stay with me… Don't let me leave you--- I will protect you like I couldn't protect Marie.'** The jumbled thoughts sprang through his mind but none made it past his mouth. He couldn't drag her in. She had a chance to be free of him once and for all.

If he took her with him, she too would be hunted. Worse she might be killed because of him, she might die willingly for him. Just as he knew that he couldn't kill her no matter how long or how steadily he held the gun, he knew that she loved him still.

What part of him she loved he didn't know. He didn't want to know because what if what she loved was no longer part of him. He was still trying to figure out which section of his personalities didn't love her. So he waited in the pregnant silence. He waited for her to make the move.

"My car's outside." She made her choice but he didn't budge. **'He didn't want her, he wanted her information. Well it was time she made it up to him.'** "I know where Daniels is."

The gun came down and he finally approached her. Her happiness was short lived as he picked up the phone and told the operator in Spanish that some shots had been fired and that there were men shouting and he thought that they were American.

He shot off a couple of rounds and she tried not to smile at how bad his Spanish accent still was. He threw down the phone and took the crook of her elbow. She tried not to notice that he assisted her over the fallen grab team. She tried not to notice that he held her body close to his as he questioned her.

"Where was Daniels' headed?"

He tried not to notice how she trusted him to help her down the stairs. How she automatically fit into his side and how her body heat pushed his up a couple of notches.

"At 08:00 this morning, he wired $100,000 to a bank account in Tangier."

It was like old times, she was handling the logistics and he was planning their cover. "Right, that's 300 miles away. If we hurry, we can make the morning ferry." They stopped at the door and he let her arm go.

"Where are you parked?" He ducked his head and used his question to hide how much it bothered him to let her go. She thought about it and he almost cracked a smile at her tongue sticking out as she calculated exactly where she had put her car.

"To the right, 20 meters. North side of the street."

His hold on her arm was much less gentle but he knew that time was running out and if they were caught in a crossfire he would not be able to defend either one of them properly.

"They're coming."

"Keep moving." Bourne commanded. They made it to her car just in time to see the police and second grab team come face to face. He buckled in and she raised an eyebrow.

Bourne apparently remembered that Nicky was a crazy driver. It was odd because with Marie he always drove. Nicky sped through the streets of Madrid intent on reaching the ferry's at first light.

"You look tired, Bourne. Go to sleep." Nicky said turning up the heater to a more comfortable setting.

For a split second Jason came out and he caught her hand on the knob. Together they turned it to 79 degrees. "I don't like it too hot."

He leaned back in his seat and promptly fell asleep. She curled her fingers holding the feeling of his hand on hers. She pressed it to her heart before putting it back on the steering wheel.

"I know. I still remember."


	20. Cafeteria in Spain

**I have vowed to myself to finish three stories by May. This is one of them. **

**I suggest listening to "All Fall Down" by OneRepublic. **

**It absolutely describes the complicated relationship of Nicky and Jason.**

**Enjoy...**

**(Obviously some dialogue is directly from the movie. I build my scenes around them. I own nothing! Except my ideas.)**

* * *

**Present Day - Madrid - Cafeteria**

The picture of Neal Daniels shaking hands with Albert Hisch gleamed up at her. Daring her to continued to pretend to be innocent.

Nicky suppressed a shudder as the sudden recollection of her first real project in Treadstone washed over her.

**New York - Treadstone Project - 5 yrs Ago**

_"Nicolette Parsons, this is Daniel Zorn. You'll both be in charge of the logistics. He'll be training with you before you officially go to your respective safe houses."_

_She almost admitted that they had already met but Danny looked away indicating that it was knowledge Conklin did not need to have._

_"Nice to meet you, Daniel."_

_"Same here."_

_"You have half an hour and then I want you in my office." Conklin barked leaving the two alone in the coordinator's office._

_"So you gonna work for him too?" Nicky asked._

_"No, I get to work for…should I be telling you this." Danny remarked._

_"Probably not but I've yet to meet anybody else. Besides I can keep a secret." Nicky said with the hint of a smile._

_"I'll be working for his boss. I don't know the guy's name. So have they told you what you're going to be doing yet?" They left the office and headed to the cafeteria. __By her estimation she still had about twenty minutes before she had to present herself at Conklin's office._

_"No clue but whatever it is will be top secret." She replied rolling her eyes dramatically._

_Danny bought her lunch and they talked about maybe going out sometime. Nicky really liked Danny, he was funny and her only real world connection. Since beginning the Program, as she had begun calling it, she had met only one other person._

_A sharp and good looking man with spectacles that went by the Professor. She assumed he was going to be another asset. He had the same uncertain look that she had seen on David Webb's face. They didn't seem as real to her as Danny. She was going to make it a priority to stay as far from them as possible._

_Her lunch over she bid Danny goodbye and headed to her new boss's office. She slid out her badge and went past two metal doors before coming upon an empty corridor. Nicky didn't particularly feel comfortable walking down the silent hallway but she had orders._

_Conklin scared her and she was not about to disobey the man._

_"Are you lost?"_

_"Holy crap, I was not expecting…" Nicky whirled around and into the impossibly blue eyes of David Webb, … you."_

_"Who were you expecting?" he asked scanning her from head to toe in one brief glance. His stance was perfectly centered as if expecting an attack from her._

_"I…I…wasn't…expecting anybody." she stuttered._

_"Why are you here, then?"_

_Nicky forced herself to straighten and injected her voice with a bravado she did not feel. "Who are you to be interrogating me?"_

_He leaned in close. "If this were an interrogation, you would be answering."_

_"David, Nicky get in here." Conklin shouted at the both of them, startling Nicky. David merely moved around her disappearing through the door that Conklin had left open._

_"Close the door." Conklin snapped._

_Nicky meekly closed it depositing herself in the chair facing Conklin's desk. "Here. This is your new identity. I want you on the first flight to New Amsterdam. I will begin your training there."_

_Conklin turned to David. "You will travel on the next flight after her. Your job will be to find her."_

_Nicky swallowed her alarm and raised her hand briefly." Sir, when do I leave?"_

_"You both leave in two months. David you can go."_

_Dismissed he left Nicky alone with Conklin, who smiled like a cheshire cat once the door closed._

_"We have an experiment to perform. I read the report you finished on Phobias and their therapies. We are going to use it but backwards. We will show our_ _assets to fear nothing not even death. They will be well trained machines and you will instruct them." Conklin leaned back and another man entered the room._

_"Dr. Albert Hisch, this is Nicky. My new assistant. Our new assistant."_

_Hisch smiled and the hair on the back of her neck stood on end._

**Present Day - Madrid **

They had driven for several hours. Nicky could still feel Jason's warm hand on her cold one. He had fallen asleep.

She had pretended that they were going to their favorite eatery a block from her apartment. He would make a game of keeping her safe. Sometimes she had to figure out several way of getting to the eatery without being spotted by him or finding all the possible escape routes before he did. Usually he beat her but he would get her a prize for trying. It was usually something with too many calories and high amounts of sugar.

Then they would make love and he would leave before daybreak so as to keep the bosses from knowing.

She sighed tapping her fingers impatiently at the red light. What had possessed her to help him? It wasn't like he would be grateful, he was just using her. She had to get it through her head that he cared about her role in his life as far as Treadstone went but everything else was unimportant.

He struggled in his sleep, pressing his sweating head to the window. She lowered the heater and he stilled. He was now awake and staring at her. "Do you want to stop somewhere to get something to eat? I have a few bills with me if you want."

Jason blinked and sat up. He looked at the approaching street sign, "turn there."

She wondered how the hell he knew where to stop. The realization that she knew nothing about his life since he had disappeared drove all thoughts of food out of her head. "Do you know this place?"

She bit her lip waiting for his response, half afraid he would confirm what she was thinking. "She liked it here. They have good coffee."

**'She liked it here. No doubt as to who she was.' **

She parked and stepped out into the cold Spanish night. "Let's get coffee then." She slammed the car door a little harsher than necessary but she didn't care. Her feelings had been trampled by him from New York to Paris and it would continue until they reached Tangiers.

She could only hope that after this was over she would never have to hear the name Jason Bourne again.

He got to the door before she did and he held it for her. He took her arm and guided her to a table on the other side of the Cafeteria. It was close to their car parked by the rear exit. She resisted the impulse to move away from him as he took off her coat and pulled out her chair.

The waitress approached the solemn couple and was greeted with a terse order of two black coffees before she could even flip open her notepad. Sensing the tension she quickly scurried away.

Nicky looked around noting all the other patrons, scanning for an undercover operative. "We weren't followed."

"I know. There's three exits. The one behind us leads to the alley, its the closest to the car." she said, "Do I get my cheese Danish now?"

Jason listened as far as the alley but had zoned out. They had about ten minutes to kill before they could move on. The police cruisers that had been behind them had just passed. They were looking for them.

"Why did you come back?" she said softly leaning across the table so she wasn't overheard. He yanked his attention from the two local cops searching vehicles. They had dumped her car about an hour ago and picked up another, hopefully it had not been reported stolen yet.

"Why are you looking for Daniels?"

David and Jason were warring again. Jason had the upper hand for now. She had lied to them and he intended to remind David of that. He remained silent waiting to see if she would crack under his silence.

She didn't. Her brown eyes drilled into his blue ones until he looked away. Jason gave up his intimidation for the moment and reached into his overcoat. A small photograph emerged in his hand.

Her gaze dropped, she seemed disappointed as the photograph of the two men slid to the table top. He tapped the man on the left. "Do you know who that is?"

**'Dammit. He was after the beginning as she had thought.' **She purposely ignored Hirsh and pointed at the other man, "That's Daniels."

**'Could he see her hand shacking? Would he kill her once he knew?' **She pictured for a moment what dying at the hands of Jason Bourne would be like. **'Would he snap her neck or slowly squeeze the life out of her? Would she in her last moments plead for her life? Would she tell him about the child he probably didn't remember?' **

Her fingers twitched at Hirsch's face. "I don't know who that is. Who is he?"

Jason's jaw clenched. Her fingers had shook. She was hiding something. He took the picture in his hands. David was keeping him occupied otherwise Jason would have twisted that alabaster wrist and demanded answers.

"He was there at the beginning." Such a simple statement for all the chaos he had endured. Being shot at and almost drowning. Losing yourself only to find out that who ever you used to be was monstrous.

"I remember meeting him." Seeing the only person that loved you despite all that, ricochet forward from the force of a bullet meant for you.

"The first day."

_"I'm Nicky. You're handler. Any questions you talk to me." she announced. David was led away into the white room where he was dunked in ice cold water for three straight hours. Shivering he was returned to her. She sat in the middle of room clipboard in hand._

_"Do you still fear water? Do you fear drowning David?"_

_He suppressed a shiver but it traveled through him anyway. She mistook it for his answer, "do you dislike cold weather?"_

_He again was taken and thrown into a smaller room. He was stripped to his underwear and the thermostat was set at 57 with the knob broken off to show him who was in charge._

"Daniels brought me to him."

_She stood behind the glass. He knew that now. Every time he talked to her or made an indications of vulnerability he suffered some form of whatever he had divulged. Hisch had a wire in his ear and if David really concentrated he could possible make out her voice._

"That's where it all started for me."

Nicky curled her hands in her scarf. **'For me also.'**

_"Please. He's two degrees from having hypothermia. He needs to let his body adjust to the temperature. You can't just throw him in there. What if he dies?" she pleaded with Hirsch._

_"My dear, he signed up for this. He volunteered. Don't worry he is a hardy young man."_

_"I know that but there is now need to be cruel. He hates me." Nicky hadn't meant for it to slip out._

_"Developing a tender for your asset is not advisable. However your job is important. He struggles not to show his fears and weakness and by doing so we eradicate each one. Soon he will have none and you'll be the proud handler that started this forward thinking program."_

_"Please, let me just have a few sessions where nothing happens afterward. I need to build the trust If I am to work with them. Let me prepare his mind." She said trying not to cry as David was lead back into her office bloody and bruised._

_"No but I will recommend it to Conklin."_

"Something happened to me and I need to know what it was. Or I'll never be free of this."

_Nicky paled. She knew what that meant. Sure enough three hours later after her last session with David of the day. After he was mercifully allowed to rest, Conklin stormed into the room. "Stupid girl. Do I hear correctly that you are going soft on my assets."_

_"No sir. I was merely stating to Dr. Hisch that perhaps____" Nicky clasped a hand to her cheek._

"Daniels said the training was experimental. Behavior Modification."

_"These men are killers. I don't want compassion. I hear about this again and you'll be pulled from this program and I will assign your precious assets to somebody that follows my orders better. My much harsher orders."_

"Yes, sir."

_"Get your bags packed. You leave at first light. David will come after you. I expect you to give him a challenge." Conklin yelled before slamming out._

_"I...David. Be careful." Nicky gathered her things and left the building. She boarded the flight to New Amsterdam vowing to be there every step of the way to protect the men as best as she could. To keep them from becoming animals._

"They had to break down the agents before they became operational."

_She ran. _

_Nicky felt the icy tendril of fear slide down her spine as he spotted her. _

_She had reached her destination, got her luggage and arrived at the safe house. Her orders were waiting for her when she got there. She was to get to the district and pick up another set of instructions and return to the safe house._

_All without being spotted by him. She had reached her meeting spot but as soon as she picked up the envelope she cringed. In the shadows of the many buildings of the red light district he was there. Just standing, observing._

_Nicky dropped the instructions into her purse and ran. She tied up her hair blending into the crowded sea of tourists. She skidded to a stop at the mouth of an alley. She scrambled past women plying their trade. She shoved the packet into her shirt and threw her bag to lighten her load._

"Why are you helping me?"

_She emerged near a bakery and turned to the right and smack dab into him. He kissed her muffling her scream. He enveloped her in a hug, one hand wrapping around her as the other plunged a needle into her side and through her shirt._

_Nicky fell against him bonelessly._

_"Please excuse me, my fiancée. She is sick." He played the part of distraught American boyfriend to perfection. People moved out of the way of the young couple and Jason made his way to his car. He deposited her on the passenger seat. Her eyes were open and shiny, he could almost smell her fear._

_He pulled up to the safe house and carried her up the steps. "It will wear off in ten minutes." He laid her down on the couch and began rummaging through her clothes. He slipped his hand inside her pants pockets but came up empty. She had thrown her bag._

_Feeling was coming back as he continued to search her. Finally he plunged his hand into her blouse. His fingers grazed past her breast and he pulled the packet out. "I'm sorry."_

_Nicky squeezed her eyes shut. She had just fallen in love with Jason Bourne._


	21. Truth, Lies and The Comanav

**I updated. Aren't You Proud?**

**This bad boy should be wrapping up. At least five more chapter and I'm done.**

**Enjoy...**

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"Why are you helping me?"

Nicky concentrated on the swirling blackness in her cup. It reminded her so much of her life. Sure she looked cute and delicate like this cup but she was full of shadows. Full of secrets.

She pondered what to tell him. **'Well, you see. You and I were together even though I was one of the reasons you were horribly tortured. I sent you on missions that not only distorted your mind but made you into a very cooperative animal. On top of that I carried your child but lost it once I knew you weren't coming back.'**

"It was difficult… for me… with you." She settled on finally. Nicky chanced a quick glance but his stony face had not changed expression. She had always admired how perfect his face was. Like if it had been carved from one single perfect block.

Jason stared at her forcing her to lower her gaze back to her rapidly cooling drink. **'How much could she trust him? He was still technically at odds with her, they were working on opposites side of the fence.' **His reactions and moods thus far were so extreme that Nicky didn't really know how to act around him.

"You really don't remember anything?"

It was a leading question, they both knew it. Jason and David had morphed at some point but Bourne refused to assimilate. He wasn't ready to trust her. **'After all, hadn't she just betrayed her organization to go with a rogue agent that supposedly had taken out their own people?'**

David now Jason was cramming Bourne's mind with any tidbit it could find of the elusive Nicky Parsons. As usual his recollections always came at the most opportune moments. It was difficult for Bourne to keep his emotions in check when the object of them was sitting in front of him.

**New Amsterdam - Safe House - First Behavioral Test**

_"I'm sorry." he mumbled ignoring her wounded look, Bourne tore the package allowing her time to straighten herself. Two photos were in it, one was Conklin's and the other was unknown. Bourne flipped the second photo over - Albert Hisch - it read on the back._

_Also included was two transmitters and a cell. 'Ask Nicky.' the note on the phone read, "Tell me the code." he said to the now calm handler._

_"1789."_

_Bourne punched in the numbers and waited for an answer. Two rings later a deep voice congratulated him,_

_"Good job, Bourne. Get you instructions from Nikki, she should of just gotten them. She's a treat if you like." the voice commented with twisted glee._

_Bourne closed the cell and dropped it on the table. She was bent over a fax machine carefully reading the incoming transmission. Bourne hadn't liked the implication the voice had given him. While he didn't deny that he found the blonde attractive, he wasn't about to let the agency dictate who and where he would take any woman that he liked._

_He wasn't an animal. He did approach her, vaguely wondering if she knew what her role fully entailed. The sudden desire to touch her again after his mission surprised him but it dawned on him that the adrenaline was still pumping and would soon need a release._

_"You're to go to Geneva. We have two hours to prep you. I need to do a quick evaluation of your health at this juncture and sign off before you continue on---" the words died in her mouth at the gentle pressure on her hair._

_Nicky had been worried that Conklin had meant for her to be a complete asset to… well the assets. In all honestly though she was rapidly falling for Jason she was still a little bit afraid of him. It would be suicidal not to respect what he could do._

_"Your hair is very long." he commented fully aware how her breathing was a tiny bit more shallow and her eyes were trained on the long finished fax. He grasped a strand experimentally tugging on it until her head moved back just an inch._

_"Wh..wha…what…Um…why?" she managed to utter._

_"I can but I won't" he answered cryptically. In a flash he released her hair and took the fax from her hands. "Is this it?"_

_"Yes it is." she snapped ripping the papers from him. **'Just because she might love him, didn't mean she was going to be easy.' **"Don't touch me again." she hissed but it only made him smile at her. _

_It was a smile that promised that he would touch her again and that she would not be opposed to it when he did._

**Present - Cafeteria - Spain**

The image dissolved. Bourne found himself mesmerized by her will to continue with him. She was still waiting for his response. "No."

Her eyes a normal lively brown darkened and fell back to her cup. Bourne had never seen the light leave someone after he extinguished it but he imagined that it would look exactly like Nicky did now.

The bell over the door jingled merrily as two cops entered and immediately began socializing with the waitress at the bar. The same one who had served them earlier.

"We have to move," he whispered moving her ahead of him.

She pulled a few euros from her pocket and dropped them on the table. Bourne picked one up and exchanged it with his own. **'Why did I do that?' **he thought as he pocketed the money and followed her much smaller and suddenly more frail frame.

They left their car, walking for a few blocks to make sure any police on their tail had vanished. By now they had to be searching every car in the lot of the Cafeteria, that would take them a while.

The night was cold but Nicky was already numb. She had thought that helping Jason would be cathartic, she had hoped that it would at least make them even and at least soothe a little bit of her pain. Instead it had ripped open the hole Nicky had sworn had vanished when he put his gun against her head.

Their shoes made little noise as Bourne looked around them every once in a while searching for a suitable replacement vehicle. "We should arrive at the ferry soon. I have the tickets that Daniels originally purchased. Once we get to Tangiers we'll have to sit and wait until he re-emerges."

Bourne took her hand and wrapped it around his arm tucking it into the crook of his elbow. "Excuse me," he said in Spanish to a pair of policemen stationed at the corner. The cop took one look at their entwined arms and smiled.

"The alley. It opens near a warehouse. We should be able to find another car there." Bourne directed once the cops disappeared from sight. He dropped the pretense along with Nicky's arm. "Did you hear me?"

Bourne and Jason collided at her monotone response, "alley, car. Got it."

The ride to the ferry didn't fare any worse and this time Bourne drove. It was times like these that Bourne hated driving not just because of the headlights that pierced his skull but because more and more of his recollections kept pushing to the forefront.

His unintentional mistreatment of Nicky was making the block of guilt grow larger with every soft sigh she uttered.

She was curled on her side, her head pillowed on her scarf. She was awake, her open eyes reflected the lights of the city. He had definitely lied to her back at the café. He knew that she was important to him and that he had cared deeply about her but Marie had taken her place.

It felt like he was cheapening Marie's memory by admitting it to Nicky.

"We're here."

Nicky adjusted her scarf over her head tucking it into her coat. A gold cross glinted on her neck. A cross he had given her a lifetime ago. She had touched that earlier when he ran across her at the safe house. **'Did it represent salvation or regret?' **

Both blinked at the morning light. Bourne had been up for two days now so driving the whole night had not registered. He knew that at some point he would need to sleep. **'Could he sleep knowing that she was just within an arms length away? Could she?'**

His question went unanswered as they approached the marina. Nicky pulled two crumpled tickets from her purse. She handed one to him but made no comment as he stepped out of the car, locking the door and following her up the gangplank to the Comanav.

The ticket agent took them, stamped them and gave them back. Nicky took both back and shoved them deep into her bag. Bourne looked at her curiously but her back was already to him. He found her leaning against a rail. Her body position was at an angle with the railing.

**Undisclosed Safe House - 5 Years Ago**

_He had searched every local hospital for her. He hadn't meant to hurt her. One moment he had arrived from Monaco and eagerly kissing her and the next she was cradling her arm and he was above her._

_Jason rubbed his temples wishing the migraine away, he didn't have time for it now. He had to find Nicky and apologize. He had to find her and tell her he had no idea why he had broken her arm._

_Several hours had passed when he finally got a break. A familiar dark sedan drove past him near the canal. He kept his eye on the car until it turned a corner speeding off into the night. Jason followed it calculating which way it had gone._

_A sign for a hospital was just at the edge of the corner, Jason took off at a jog knowing he was on the right track. Jason had known that Conklin had been making sure that Nicky was suitably protected by having her followed by Danny Zorn._

_The kid had a good head on his shoulders but he was not worthy of Nicolette and while Jason tolerated the kid. He certainly was not about to have him around her especially if she was hurt. He squelched the tiny voice that reminded him, that he, Jason was the reason for her pain._

_He spotted the car parked across the entrance of the tiny hospital. Danny himself was leaning up against a building concealed in its dark shadows. Jason took up position downwind from him and in a better hidden doorway._

_After two hours, Jason's patience was rewarded. Nicky came stumbling out with her arm in a cast. She reached the edge of the curve and hailed a taxi but was splattered for her trouble. She cursed at it then began laughing. Just as he was to go to her aid, Zorn approached her and guided her to his car._

_Jason missed a lot of what was said but he did manage to hear Nicky's plea. "No, I don't want…" the exhaustion coated her voice but she struggled on. "Not alone, take me with you." she said._

_"Any other time, I would have been happy to hear that." Danny replied and put the car in motion._

_Jason waited until the car took off. He carefully concentrated on the tracking device he had placed on the car earlier. He adjusted his coat and walked towards Danny's home, the anger kept him warm. The jealousy made him very dangerous._

_By the time he arrived they were no longer in the street. He surveyed the area and figured that Daniel would like a secluded spot to be with Nicky. It was now six in the morning and though he should have been at her apartment waiting he wanted to be absolutely sure of what he was suspecting._

_Sure enough a balcony door slid open and out stepped his Nicky. She was wearing a robe and leaning against the railing. Jason took her in. She looked beautiful even with her injury. Remorse and guilt filled him anew, **'how could he have hurt her like that?'**_

_His guilt trip was cut short as Danny came out and stood behind her. He gently lifted her hair to the side dropping a kiss on the side of her neck. She squirmed and turned into his arms. In that split second before Danny dragged her back in, Jason stood out in the open._

_Danny looked down and Nicky gasped and just as quickly Jason Bourne vanished._

**Present - Aboard the Comanav**

Jason walked silently over to her. She slid her gaze off the water and onto him. She tried to smile but it was strained. Jason stood uncommonly close to her. Nicky turned to glance at him.

He could feel her confusion but he kept his eyes locked on the rapidly churning water. Realizing she was not going to get an answer for his uncharacteristic warmth, Nicky went back to contemplating the sea.

"I remember you."

Her head snapped up but Bourne continued to stare down into the depths ignoring her shocked look.

"I remember us."


	22. Arriving in Morocco

**Whoo, I know its a few days late but its long. Also I know that Nicky and Jason don't stay at the hotel or where ever they are for very long but for the sake of my story and because its my story. They will spend a night together and then go after Daniels.**

**Warning!! - Some language in this chapter.**

**On with the show....Enjoy!**

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**In the middle of the Ocean - Aboard the Comanav**

So many emotions traveled through Nicky's system that it was a wonder that she did not collapse in a heap at Jason's feet. **'Just what did he mean?' **

"I remember us."

**Did he remember us as partners or as lovers?'** Her life seemed to forever be tied to this man. Every time she thought she was done, he would pull her back. Choosing to end her misery she gathered her courage.

"What do you remember?"

The full power of Bourne's formidable skills were pressed upon her. His dispassionate face was at odds with the turmoil swirling in his blue eyes. He reached out a hand letting his fingers graze the hollow of her throat before picking up the golden cross.

She knew he had noticed it before. His intense looks had often strayed there. "You really like this, don't you?" He continued not really expecting an answer, "when I bought it for you, I thought you would never wear it. You used to say you weren't religious."

"I'm not," she gulped. This was so familiar to her and yet her past and his present kept her immobile unable to enjoy what he was stirring in her. "I often prayed you were ok."

Jason forced Bourne to release the charm. Neither one was ready to go down this path. They wouldn't survive it if they did.

"How long?" Nicky managed to squeeze out through her constricting throat.

The ocean stretched endlessly, a perfect image of the distance between them. "Since Paris. I've gotten bits and pieces here and there. I still don't know everything," he mumbled. He noticed that her hands had relaxed their white knuckled grip on the rail.

Nicky's eyes widened in an effort to keep the tears at bay. She couldn't do this. She couldn't stand here and discuss this like it was just another therapy session. He had been her life, he was still her life and nothing that happened to him would ever change that.

It didn't matter that he would probably never recall all the vivid details that haunted her at night when she was exhausted and unguarded. She vowed to keep him away from her at all costs, the agency had stolen so much already and Nicky would not add to the tally.

When things went south and they would go south, she, Nicolette Parsons would be collateral damage and he would carry her death on his conscience. He carried Marie's, she couldn't allow him to take her's on as well. "We weren't together long."

"It was long enough." He remarked matter of factly, "I loved you."

**'Past tense…meaning not anymore.' **"I suppose you did." Nicky replied. The Moroccan coast, Tangiers in specifically came into view saving them from another awkward conversation. This time as they disembarked she followed behind him. Both too caught up in their own thoughts of what had just transpired on the ferry.

Jason without logic took her hand again. They were undercover again so Nicky went along. However his grip was different from when they had left the Cafeteria. His fingers had only overlapped her own there while now they were interlocked with her pale ones.

Nicky experimentally curled hers and Jason gave her a quick lift of a smile. The custom's agent bored out tone asked why they were in Tangiers stamping their passports before either Bourne or Nicky could answer. "Welcome to Tangiers, Mr. And Mrs. Carter"

Bourne pocketed his passport but his usual serious expression nearly melted at Nicky's raised eyebrow. He handed her his passport. She examined her passport and compared it to his. In bold black letters along his picture was another one of his aliases.

**Paul Carter**

Right below her own picture and next to her signature was one of the aliases procured by Neal Daniels.

**Lilah Carter**

Somehow Bourne had grabbed the one document that tied him to her. Nicky didn't believe in coincidences. Things either were or weren't but their relationship seemed to be a perfect target for Fate's cruel practical jokes. Customs was left behind them with a simultaneous nod of apprehension.

One hurdle down and twenty more to go.

Nicky and Jason meandered through the city in a slow and careful circle. Along their romantic walk they had passed by emerging modernizations which included new 5-star hotels along the bay, a modern business district called Tangier City Center, a new airport terminal and a new soccer stadium. Tangier has been reputed to be a mecca for international spying activities. Which made it an ideal spot for a safe house due to its obviously diverse culture of tourists and locals.

**Hotel el Muniria - Tangiers - Morocco**

The hotel was a little challenging to find, thankfully Nicky was familiar with side streets as she had done some work for Conklin here when she had overseen the Proffessor. It had been the only time she had worked with Danny. His name gave her a pang. She remembered the last conversation she had shared with him, her fingers lightly touched her lips. She had kissed him not knowing it was the last time she would see him alive.

She had overhead him talking to Abbott. He had died for her, of that she was certain.

Jason saw her pause starring off into space but she snapped out of it. The sadness on her face was hidden as they spotted the place. It definitely wasn't a five star luxury hotel, but when you're paying just to stay alive a day longer you don't expect it to be. To Nicky it did have its charm, to Bourne it was individual and basic.

Nicky in flawless French asked for a room and paid with the last of her cash. The man gave her the key just as Jason reappeared with a small backpack behind her.

"We like to travel light." Nicky responded to the man in french.

"Oui, Madam et Monsier." The owner said politely. The woman was beautiful but the man scared him. She was obviously with the silent man. He didn't miss the look of ownership the young man threw him as guided the young woman up the stairs. He would steer clear of that one.

Bourne entered first to scope out the room and check for any unwelcome visitors. He checked the windows and outside terrace while Nicky set up her laptop on the table. The room had a good views of the beach and the sea. A large rooftop balcony was nearby to further check the area around them.

The bed was large and looming in the clean room. Blue and Brown eyed it with unease, hoping it would not be needed for this part of the trip.

Off to the right a tiny bathroom afforded her some privacy as she cleaned up after the travel weary day. Nicky wasn't vain by any means but even she was self conscious at the reflection in the mirror. Her hair was tousled and parts of it had been plastered to the back of her neck. She hung up her jacket on the hook at the back of the door.

She stripped off her shirt and ran a welcome and cold towel over her upper body. She was just about to unhook her bra when Bourne's rough voice asked if she needed anything. She wrapped the towel around her torso and peaked out.

"I could use something to eat and a water." Nicky couldn't seem to catch his eye line and she gladly realized that his face was a tiny bit flushed.

**'Jason Bourne; world traveler, deadly assassin. Scared of a half naked girl.' **

She attempted to keep the smile from spreading to the rest of her face but the idea that he might find her attractive and therefore made him afraid of her was too funny. Bourne apparently thought she was mocking him because he growled ok and slammed out of the room.

The steep flights of stairs would have made stalking down them an impossibility for anyone without extraordinary mobility but for a steaming mad Jason Bourne they were nothing. The owner glanced at him and Bourne glared back. **'Definitely staying away from that one.' **

Bourne walked out of the hotel and down to the marketplace intent on getting the visions of Nicky's almost bare back out of his mind.

**'How dare she look so appealing.' **Bourne railed against Jason. **'How can I keep her around and not take her? Does she belong to us?' **Having said that, his counterpart, Jason was too struggling with the tempting image of removing that last delicate lacy barrier that kept him from seeing all of her. A cold shower was sounding pretty good right about now. **'Water dripping down her...focus.'** Bourne snapped at Jason.

The place wasn't too busy but it was fairly centrally located. He could have easily walked from there down to the Medina, the beach or the market. It had been about a 25 minutes walk from the port - where they had arrived by ferry.

To Bourne it was an added bonus that one of Tangier's only bars was attached to the hotel. If he had to stay much longer he no doubt would need a drink even if it didn't do anything to dull his senses. He almost went back to tell her that while he tracked down Daniels it would probably be more fun for her to sit in one of the city's tea-shops and watch the world go by whilst enjoying a glass of sweet tea.

He quickly shook his head of the thought and returned to the hotel with a bag of ready made sandwiches and several bottles of water. Leaving Nicky alone with Treadstore - Blackbriar or whatever the hell it was now called, still out there looking for them while he was nowhere around to protect her, filled him with a terror that no amount of sexual tension would keep him away from her.

He would neutralize the threat first and then deal with whatever desires and memories she triggered.

Back at the hotel Nicky had slipped her shirt back on. It was still sweaty and travel stained but at least she felt a tiny bit cleaner and cooler. She tried to pull up her hair but there was nothing in her purse. She had packed in a hurry and all her clothes were still in her duffel bag in her now abandoned car.

She anxiously paced back and forth angry at herself for letting Jason leave. She should of gone with him. She was a complete sitting duck. By now Landy and now Vosen, not to mention how many other countless operatives were looking for them. She walked back and forth in a hotel where there was no real escape if she was caught.

After what felt like hours Jason returned. She hid behind the door until she heard the key in the lock. Only when she saw his dark hair appear around the door did she relax and drop the heavy piece of wood that had been previously jammed up against the window.

The room was dark from the closed draperies but he walked around the room like he'd memorized the layout which knowing him, he probably had. Nicky left the safety of the door and he closed it sharply. How they had gotten so close together she would never know.

In the space of a second she had gone from being a step from the table to feeling the edge of the bed at the back of her legs. Nothing but Jason's strong arms kept her from falling onto the bed. Her nails were digging into his biceps and she was startled by his breath so close to her face.

"I…I…I..um…" she couldn't form two words and embarrassment flowed over her for her schoolgirl reaction. She shouldn't have berated herself so badly as Jason too seemed to be having difficulty saying anything.

His eyes were almost glittering in the darkened room. She ran her tongue over her very dry lips.

It was the spark he needed. The barest touch of lips made her let go and step backwards. Sadly there was nowhere to go and Jason wasn't ready to either. Jason pressed her back against the bed fully following with his own body. Nicky gasped at the feel of his jean clad leg separating her own.

He was trying to gain more space so Nicky scooted back with one leg beginning to hook behind the crook of his knee. Her head hit the edge of the pillow but it was difficult to concentrate with his musky smell enveloping her senses.

His frame dipped the bed as he shifted it so he was balancing most of his bulk on one arm. His hand was busy leaving a trail of heat as it rested on her waist stopping there briefly before it moved on beneath her suddenly too heavy shirt. Nicky gritted her teeth as his nimble fingers skimmed over her ribs and into the vee of her bra.

His mouth still lingered above her but not for long. It descended with a rapid ferocity that made Nicky arch into him. His hand left her uncovered breast and traveled along her thigh and to her knee where he got a better grip to grind his hips against hers.

Neither had noticed that the bag had been dumped on the bed. His position pushed it over the side and the bag fell beside the bed with a loud thud that echoed in the silent room like a gunshot. Jason jackknifed up, the haze that settled over him clearing from his head.

Without warning his welcome weight was removed and Nicky bit her lip to keep the whimper of disappointment from escaping. He rose of the bed completely but she could hear his shaky breath as clear as her own pounding heartbeat.

"I'm sorry," he whispered before shutting himself in the bathroom.

Nicky grabbed the pillow and buried the trail of angry tears in it. Knowing he would not be coming out anytime soon, she too got off the bed. She picked up the bag of fallen groceries wishing them to hell. She straightened the bed as if to erase what had almost transpired.

She half-heartedly ate a bit of sandwich. Abandoning the food Nicky adjusted her clothing and sat in front of her laptop. She turned it on and began to type quickly and efficiently. The mindless typing helped clear her head and put aside the mistake she had almost allowed to happen.

She heard the crick of the bathroom door but continued to focus on the screen before her. "We have to talk about…this." Nicky didn't need to see him to know he was indicating the undisturbed bed. She ignored him but he persisted. "Tell me about our past, Nicolette."

Nicky missed a key at the use of her full name. He never used it unless he meant business. "What difference does it make now. It's over." she replied bitterly.

"Is it?" he took so long to say anything else that she had figured that he'd given up. She should have know better. "Do you love me still?" he asked placing a heavy hand on her wrist.

Anger and resentment welled up inside her. All this time she'd been so careful not to upset him or give him too much information because she was afraid of confusing him further. Yet he was ripping out her very heart and holding it in front her, dangling it on a string while he asked if she loved him.

All of the hatred and rage she'd felt towards Conklin and Abbott and even Daniels built up. The hurt at his supposed death and the death of Danny chocked up along with all her other feelings making her a hotbed of pain. The loss of their son and the life that they could have lived had they met in different circumstances lit the fuse and she spewed it all on him.

"Why the fuck should I answer that?" Nicky shouted clawing at his hand and upturning her chair as she rose off it violently. "You don't care. You don't give a shit about me at all."

Jason and even Bourne took a step back in the face of her rage. "You just want to fill in the details. You want to fill in all the holes. Well I'm not going to give you a goddamm thing."

Nicky stabbed her finger into his chest but he didn't dare to try to calm her down. He had seen that look on traumatized victims of war. They had the strength of terror behind their aggression. He knew she was just venting out but it didn't mean her accusations didn't hurt. "I care."

Nicky jabbed her finger even harder, "do you? Did you ever think of me when you were with that Kreutz girl." she snapped.

"Don't bring her into this," he warned in clipped tones. "I had amnesia, Nicky. I didn't remember…."

"How convenient that must have been for you. How perfectly wonderful." Nicky responded shoving him back against the wall. "That's your get-out- jail-free card isn't it. You didn't remember. You didn't know. Well you know what? that shit is not gonna fly anymore."

Nicky tried to take a deep breath but the sobs wouldn't allow her to breath. "I remembered everything. I lost everything. While you were living your carefree life with her**…sob…**I was**…sob…**stuck in the real world. So patch up your memory yourself. I don't want to be your little experiment anymore. My obligation to you died when you did."

Bourne stayed still but Jason wasn't having it. He clasped her face between his hands, "You claim that but here you are. You never answered me, why are you helping me. If you really want to help me as much as you shown you do, then tell me the truth. All of it." he said to her tearstain face.

"Let our past die." she pleaded.

"I can't. Something keeps bringing me back to you. I won't lie. I was with Marie and I loved her very much," she tried to turn her face but he kept her still. His eyes bored into hers, " …but your face was always there. I didn't know who you were but my memories of you slid into my dreams torturing me with what I didn't, couldn't remember. No matter how hard I tried and I tried very hard."

Indecision crossed her features and he pressed his advantage. "I want answers, I'm done running."

"You want answers?" Bourne and Jason tried to gather her in his arms but she pushed him away. "I was interrogated for hours after you left Paris. I was held in a detention cell for six months. I couldn't leave the premises without an armed guard. They had shoot to kill orders if I tried to run away." she confessed.

"Once they let me go I was stationed in Amsterdam where I was watched twenty four seven and then just when I was getting my credibility back you showed up in Berlin asking for me." The sobs and hiccups were making it almost impossible for him to understand her.

Even with her yelling at him, Jason could sense that her ire was more directed at herself than at him.

"Berlin**…sob…**was **…sob…** a trap. I was sent into the plaza**...sob...** to bring you out in the open. Abbott got confirmation to kill the both of us. I was bait, they were gonna**...sob...** sacrifice me for you. You foiled their plan when you told me to get**...sob...** on the cable car and you put a gun**...sob...** to my side and dragged me**...sob...** into the subway."

Bourne had always known how far the agency would go but to the idea of sacrificing her just because she had been near him at the wrong time was inhuman. "What happened after Berlin?"

She sniffed and wiped her eyes. The confessions drained what was left of her and she responded without hesitation. "I was questioned again and held under guard for a year. Then I was transferred to Daniels in Madrid…you know the rest."

"I came and took you with me." He finished for her.

She picked up her purse from the floor pulling a tissue from it. The overturned chair was righted and she was once again in front of her screen typing away. All the horrible images melting into his already splintered mind.

"Nicky…"

"Don't. Let's see if they found Daniels yet. Noah Vosen is the new head of operations in New York. He's a bigger bastard than Abbott and he has more clout. He was Abbott's boss and the creator of Project Treadstone. Landy doesn't trust him and neither did Daniels," she said.

"You trust Daniel?"

"He was strict but he was never a mean son of a bitch like Conklin. I did stuff for Conklin that still gives me nightmares." Bourne began to ask but she shook her head. "Don't ask," she responded almost laughingly.

He glanced at her surprised to see some of her good nature return so quickly. "Anyway, Neal was a good man but he strayed and got lost, much like you." she answered raising her eyes off the screen to look at him.

"Oh." was his only response. She seemed the same girl he had pulled from Calle Norte Safehouse but now he was aware of how fragile she really was. What Nicky had gone through because of him grew the brick of guilt he'd been carrying since Madrid double in size. "I'll make it up to you," he promised.

Nicky's typing stopped, "you don't have to. I owed you." Then the clacking of keys continued.

"If this is ever over, I want to know everything."

"Like what?" She asked fearfully.

"How close you were to Danny Zorn and why he left you several lockers in a Berlin train station. Why he left a bank account number with a little bit over two million dollars in the name of Lilah Carter."

"I don't know why." Nicky said confused.

"Then tell me what happened between you and him the night I broke your arm."


	23. El Muniria Hotel, Tangiers

**I know I promised May....clearly I didn't make it. **

**My friend is threatening to break my Ipod if I don't finish this story by the middle of November. (She'll do it, too!)**

**So expect updates all this week. I'm shooting for 25 chapters but it will be closer to 27. **

**Enjoy and sorry again for the long wait...(I hope you guys haven't given up on me.)**

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"I don't think now is the time for this."

David had now been completely absorbed by Jason. Jason and Bourne however were still compartmentalized. "You were on his balcony…." Bourne interrogated.

"He followed me to the hospital and picked me up. He took me to his apartment and I fell asleep."

She was typing again and the information that Daniel's had given up about Bourne and project Blackbriar formerly Treadstone, was popping up on her computer screen.

"That's it?"

"Yeah, I slept and that's it." Nicky congratulated herself on keeping a straight face with him so close to her.

He left her side and examined the windows. He opened the curtains a bit letting in the light of the streetlamps in. "So you being on his balcony wearing a robe and allowing him to kiss you was nothing?"

"We weren't exclusive, Jason."

"It should have been obvious, Nicky." She was spun in her chair and forced to stare into those icy eyes. "I was."

**_Danny Zorn's Apartment – 5 Years Ago_**

"_I'm so sleepy." She sing songed from his arms. "I want to sleep and the drugs are quick."_

_Danny chuckled and laid her on the couch. He told her not to move as he prepared his bed for her._

_He found her standing in the middle of the living room ready to do what looked like pirouettes. "Come on, you crazy woman." He swung her into his arms and placed her on his bed._

_He was just about to leave so she could change into one of his spare shirts but she pulled him back by his coat. "You're not gonna abandon me right now are you? You promised."_

"_Nicky, you are so blitzed." He said but he helped her out of her own wet clothes and into the laid out shirt. "Okay, now I'm going to go to bed but if you need something..." She had already lain down and was snoring peacefully. "…I'm here."_

_He tiptoed to the living room, removing his own outer layers before he let himself drop wearily to the couch. It was half past four when he was finally getting some sleep only to be woken up with a heavy weight on his arm. "Nicky?" he asked sleepily. "What are you doing out here?"_

_Her eyes were lucid with no trace of the drug in them. "I had a---" she buried her face in his shoulder and he hugged her to him. _

"_It's ok, you'll be fine. I'm here." He turned on his side to give her a bit more room. He suddenly wished he had not splurged on such a modern couch. It barely accommodated him forcing her to slip her legs between his. She awkwardly gripped him closer with her uninjured arm to keep from falling off it._

_It took two seconds for the realization that she was nuzzling his neck to make its way through his sleep hazed brain. "Nicky…what are you doing?"_

_She put her finger on his lips shushing him effectively. She continued to kiss him until he tilted his head capturing her mouth. Her hair swept the couch spreading like a backwards waterfall. "Danny," she sighed in response to his hands caressing her back. _

_She took the opportunity to curl her hand around the waistband of his boxers but his hands halted her. "What are you trying to forget by doing this?" he asked breathlessly._

"_What?" she mumbled still trying to press her body to his. _

"_Give me some credit, Nicky. I know about you and Bourne. I'm not dumb enough to believe that you've all of a sudden found me attractive enough to sleep with me." He said it with a sad smile._

_Nicky pulled her hand from his grasp and he let go easily. He sat up and stared at her clearly waiting for an answer. She sat as well tucking her legs against her chest. "I have always cared about you, Danny. You must know that. I mean you were the first person that made me feel safe when we first started the program."_

_She lowered her head to her knees ashamed at trying to use him to calm her own demons._

"_I'm not the one who makes you feel safe anymore. I wish I was and if I was really smart I would let you have your way with me and thank my lucky stars." He sighed and lifted her onto his lap. He wrapped his robe around her covering the short t-shirt. "Sadly, I love you too much to do that to you." _

_She hugged him inhaling his expensive scent. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have put you in this position. I always seem to make a mess of things."_

"_Nicky." He rested his chin on her head. "You haven't done anything wrong but I never ever want to be a regret. Knowing you how I do, you would feel guilty and I don't want to be the cause of that. If you need me, well I'll be happy to help you but don't ever feel like you owe me anything." _

"_I need some air." She turned herself loose and escaped to the balcony. _

_Danny ran his hand through his hair. __**'Stupid, stupid, stupid.' **_

_He had no choice but to go out to join her, she was more clear headed than last night but she would soon need medication and rest. He stood behind her as she shivered in the cold morning air. "Come back in. You'll catch your death out here."_

_She shook her head and he wondered if Nicky was sorry that she had asked him to bring her here. "I wish I could love you instead." _

_He pulled her back against him wrapping his arms around he, she stiffened just a bit. He released her just as quickly but not before taking a small memento of this night. He gently lifted her hair dropping a kiss on the side of her neck. She squirmed and turned into his arms. _

_In that split second before Danny dragged her back in, Nicky saw Jason standing out in the open. Even from this distance his expression was murderous. _

_Danny looked down while Nicky gasped, and just as quickly Jason Bourne vanished. _

She didn't want to lie to him anymore, "I was too… but you hurt me."

"I know." He said moving back to the curtains. "I didn't mean to."

"Danny kept me company until I reported back in. Conklin was super pissed that Danny had broken my arm and we were both punished."

Apparently there was a lot of things he had to thank Danny Zorn for, shame he had died at the hands of his boss. It was however the sad nature of the job. Jason knew that first hand, he sat at the edge of the bed trying to pull up more memories of that night. "Was that the first time I hurt you?"

Nicky wanted so badly to comfort him but she wasn't sure who she was dealing with. Bourne had been known to be the most human off all the assets and was excellent at manipulation tactics. She had a feeling that she was dealing with a strange hybrid of what little remained of David Webb and the more dominant personality of Jason Bourne.

"Yes."

"Was that the only time?" he forced the words through and they came out that way.

"Jason…there's no need to do this now. We have to worry about Daniels and whoever they might be sending after him. You said so yourself. We can talk about this later when were both more rested---"

He didn't give her the time to think much less act before he left the bed to haul her out of the chair, though it was done in a much gentler manner than he normally used. "I just want an answer. A simple yes or no?"

He knew he was scaring her but it was one of the few things he had been able to grasp from the messed up crap that qualified for his brain. And for once the source was right beside him. He couldn't let the opportunity escape him because he'd gotten a conscience.

"No."

He nearly dropped her. "No? It wasn't the only time?"

"You always have so much adrenaline when you come back and most of the time I knew to stay away from you but sometimes I would forget and I know you didn't mean to or really know what you were doing…" She wasn't crying but she sounded like she wanted to. "After you broke my arm, you stayed away from me for the most part. You did your physicals just fine same with our sessions. I figured you were just mad at me and I didn't think it was because of Danny since you had no overt aggression towards him."

Jason would have suppressed anything back then. It was part of the job however it did surprise him that Nicky hadn't caught it, since they had been so close. Now he had no such restrictions and he could feel the rage he must have felt back then.

The downside of gaining his memories was that they came with such clarity that they brought out whatever emotions had been tied to them. In the case of Danny it had brought forth the jealousy and betrayal. In Nicky's case it brought forth a deep shame for hurting the one person he had supposedly cared about.

"You had a job in Dublin and when you returned you went straight to the safe house. I was working late and since I was preoccupied I didn't see you." She sighed unsure why telling him this seemed so important. "You knocked me out."

He let go of her arms which had been in his iron grip since the beginning of the conversation. "Conklin never knew about this?"

She looked at him piercing him with those brown eyes, "I never told him. He would have sent you to be retrained like they did to the others." She shrugged. "I didn't want that to happen to you."

He walked to the table, rummaged in the grocery bag for a bottle of water and slammed a fist into the wall.

He didn't need to look back to know that she had jumped. He drew back his hand and punched the wall a second time. He heard her chair scrap backward and he instinctively knew that Nicky would want to look at his hand but he fled before she could even reach the duffle bags.

"David!" he heard her call out but he ignored her shouts leaving the hotel by a side door. He needed to clear his head and the only way he knew was running.

"David! David!" She shouted sure that he leaving her behind. "Fuck!" she kicked the chair and threw herself on the bed. "Stupid crazy idiot. God, why do I still feel this way!" she shouted at the ceiling.

Nicky flopped onto her stomach burying her face in the pillow for the second time that day. She had to stop being a crybaby and feeling sorry for herself. She had to act if she wanted to make it out of this alive. She got off the bed and grabbed the laptop settling it on her thighs. She typed in a few key strokes and pulled up the second safe house in Tangiers.

She'd only found out about this one a few hours ago when Jason had been out and before she had horribly embarrassed them both by jumping him. She shook her head at her own stupidity and resumed pulling up various schematics from the files Daniels had left her.

She should not go there; that she knew but if Landy or Vosen found them she would need a new alias. One not connected to Bourne. She picked up her purse and locked up. She would be gone no more than ten minutes and somehow she doubted Bourne would be waiting for her.

She had reached one of the many banks that catered to very private investors. Once she had what she needed she made her way back to their hotel. She took at least an hour just to make sure nobody was following her back.

Nicky wasn't surprised to see the room empty but she had hoped, she should have known better. She kicked off her shoes and polished off the last of her sandwich. The hotel was quiet and it unnerved her somehow. She wished for the thirtieth time that day that she had not offered to help Bourne.

The night came and Bourne was still nowhere to be seen. She searched the duffel bag that he had been carrying. He wasn't coming back so why not see what he had left her to work with. She sorted through the various items mentally cataloging them as she went.

At the bottom of the bag covered by a few t shirts was a book of some kind. It was a journal and she opened it curiously. She had never pegged Bourne as much of a writer but then she hadn't known him as well as she had thought.

Nicky was beginning to realize that the Marie woman had probably known him better than she ever would.

She cracked open the book and was instantly hit by the chaos of it. She winced because it was evident that this was what Jason Bourne's mind must be like. Fractured and full of half pieces of information and whatnot, pictures that meant nothing because he could not put names to them.

He had written whatever dreams he must have had and her heart splintered at how he must have been going crazy trying to piece everything together. She pulled out a map of some kind and she recognized a doodle of what had to be a turnpike somewhere in Germany.

She gently re-wrapped the journal back into the shirts vowing to burn it if he didn't return so it wouldn't be used against him. She tucked it back in when a stray page fell out. She unfolded it and a picture fell out. A smiling Jason in a white shirt with a woman who's dark hair seemed to sparkle in the sunlight.

Her smile was genuine as his hands kept a hold of the arms wrapped around him. Nicky swallowed heavily, she traced the face of the man that so resembled her Jason yet was miles apart from him. The woman had to be Marie Kreutz. Nicky had seen her picture a few times when she had been in Amsterdam.

"You still have him, you know." She said to the photograph. She replaced it in its paper cocoon and slid it back into the bag somewhere beneath the rest of his clothes. She zipped up the bag and put it back where she had found it. She re-situated everything including her laptop. She set her alarm on her watch and lay down to sleep.

In a few hours she would leave Jason Bourne behind once and for all. There was nothing left for her here.

Bourne was quickly cracking and giving in to Jason. Oddly it was Bourne that wanted to go back to Nicky, it was Bourne that needed Nicky. It was a primal and basic instinct and Bourne was nothing if not instinct.

Jason on the other hand was having more difficulty putting her in that role.

Marie had been that for him for the last few years and when they had fallen into that river he had left himself to drown with her. Yet even he could not mistake the need to protect and keep Nicky Parson as strictly professional. He had plenty of times to get rid of her and every time he had hesitated.

Hesitation was what had gotten him into this mess and he'd be dammed if he let it happen again. A few laps around the small beach gave him no clarity and he felt even more conflicted. The running had always helped and without this small reassurance he would splinter apart or go mad.

He got back to the hotel and stopped at the front desk it was a stalling tactic, he wasn't ready to face her again. He asked for extra blankets and left strict instructions that they be left in the hall. The man nodded and Jason made the trek up the stairs trying to decide what was the best way to apologize for everything that had happened between them since Berlin.

The first thing he noticed was the darkness. The second was the stillness, the combination of the two put him on alert and he cautiously backed against the wall to better look around. The laptop was exactly where she had left it as were the bags of food. Her water was half empty and the duffel bags had been moved a little closer to the bed. He'd ask her about that later.

In the bed breathing lightly was Nicky, curled up and facing the windows. Bourne dropped his guard and locked the door but not before scooping up the blankets that had been left as instructed. He took a long shower letting the water work the kinks out of his muscles.

_"You left me without warm water again!" Marie shouted from shower._

_"I could always warm you up if it's too cold." He retorted and she said something along the lines of you wish. Jason wiped the mirror with the palm of his hand revealing Marie covered only by her blond tresses._

_"I could have gotten you a towel." He said turning to her._

_"What would the fun of that be?" she asked smiling and winding her arms around his neck._

Jason rubbed at the migraine that was working its way up his face and to his temples. He gripped the cold tile wall but his hand was slippery and his stance was shaky. Without any kind of warning he saw the tub rushing violently to meet his head.

Nicky sprung from deep R.E.M. sleep and into full wakefulness at the loud sound. She immediately reached for the knife she kept hidden on her person and did a quick perimeter check of the room. The sound had come from the bathroom but if her bosses sent anybody it would be a team, especially if they thought that Jason was still with her.

She spotted the gun on the table and hurriedly thumbed off the safety and pushed the door opened. No sound was forthcoming and she dropped to the ground narrowly avoiding a jab to the stomach. "What the hell is the matter with you? I could have seriously hurt you!"

Jason had regained control just before he hit the tub bottom but he did bump along the shower doors to keep himself upright. He grabbed a towel and moved rapidly out of the enclosure at the sound of quick footsteps on the other side of the door. "Nicky."

He regained some of his equilibrium and swung and missed the blond he had been worried about. "What the hell is the matter with you? I could have seriously hurt you!" He shouted.

She had rolled beneath his arm and was rising from the floor. He heard the safety click on and it dawned on him that she had been willing to use lethal force.

"Me? I could have killed you." She waved the gun for emphasis, "you weren't supposed to come back."

Bourne was eying the gun and dutifully checking over that the safety was indeed on and that Nicky was alone with just him and in no immediate danger. Jason was in shock that she had thought he had abandoned her. **'What kind of bastard…'**

"Are you ok? I heard a loud crash. Did you fall in the shower?" Nicky was asking him in a very clinical way. Her eyes roamed over his body checking for damage. "You cut your arm."

Jason for once was pushed back by Bourne and it was Bourne that reached out a hand and tentatively lifted a lock of hair. Nicky's expression was full deer in headlights and Bourne took advantage. He inched closer uncaring that he was bleeding and that she was frozen in what no doubt was fear of him.

Nicky felt her face tilt up and she was kissed for the first time by Bourne. She could feel the barely restrained lust and violence in his hold and it made her tremble to know that it was her that was causing it. He didn't move closer or touch her in another way.

In fact there was a healthy amount of space between them, well except for their mouths. "There's a first aid kit in the cabinet." He said and removed his mouth from hers. "I'll change and you can look at my arm."

She walked zombie like to the cabinet, took out the kit and walked out of the bathroom. Bourne closed the door and began dressing, he held his shirt in his hand and found Nicky standing just outside the bathroom with the kit in her hand.

She looked like she was waiting to be told what to do. Bourne sat at the table and she followed. He presented his arm and she carefully began to clean it up. Once done she took a look at his knuckles. They were bruised and swollen. Bourne looked on as she brushed her lips over them.

He didn't say anything as he led her to the bed. Bourne was sick of losing and gaining nothing and if Jason was not willing to bridge the gap between them and make her see how much she meant to him than Bourne would.


	24. Stop at Rue du Belguique

**I'm almost done...well not really...well maybe,**

**There is adult subject matter (lemon) but its pretty tame (I suck at them, I really do.)**

**Anyway enjoy....  
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He literally seduced the gun from her grip.

Under normal circumstances he would have scolded her for giving up her advantage so quickly not that it was much of one against him. Bourn let it slide, he had a different directive. Nicky didn't surrender to him as quickly as she had to Jason but Bourne knew it was because he was still an unknown quality.

"Bourne?"

"Do you want me to stop?" He answered with a query of his own.

"I…um…not sure----" her response came out as a hiss as her back was exposed to their cold room.

"Why aren't you sure?" rough textured fingers caressed her in an impossibly soft way.

"Because I know why I would do this, I'm not sure if you're doing it for the same reason." She explained hastily not wishing to really end what he was doing.

His left hand rested on her bra line while his thumb stroked the metal clasps. His right hand gripped her waist in a hold that left little room to maneuver. "This is not to release tension just to be more clear headed when I rush into what will no doubt be an ambush."

"It's not?" she asked befuddled by finding yet another facet of Bourne.

"You would be willing if that was the reason?"

"Yes, I can understand that." She gestured to her semi nude state and his role in creating it. "I don't understand the need for this otherwise."

He loosened his grip on her and for just a second he stepped back and stared at her. "What am I to you, Nicky? Am I just a painful reminder?"

"You're just you. You're Bourne and I'm Parsons and that's all we are," she replied.

That was the most hurtful thing she could have said and he was just seeing how much collateral damage he had left in his wake to pursue answers. "I want more than that. I want more than this." He bridged the gap and kissed her again but this time she didn't remain frozen.

"We all want more than this," she reciprocated and her hands curled around his shoulders in a way that was distinctly familiar.

Unbidden Bourne faltered and Jason emerged bringing with him images of him and Marie the very first time they had kissed in that hotel room after he had dyed her hair. Nicky's frame was now fully pushed against his giving Bourne the edge to shove Jason out.

He could not change what had happened to Marie & Jason or what Jason had done to Nicky but he could leave her with a better impression. He could leave a reminder that she was just as special and unforgettable to him as she had been traumatically forgotten by Jason.

He was not going to forsake this for something that could not be changed. Nicky would be his at least for tonight so when they, Bourne and Jason, were at a crossroads and they had to choose the roads that would lead away from Nicky, both personas would find peace.

He would either find out everything and be hunted forcing him to push her away or he would die in the attempt. Regardless of the outcome, Nicky was lost to him and this would be his only chance to make amends but it would have to be wanted by her.

She had to decide instead of it being taken from her.

"I can't guarantee you anything." Bourne offered as a last stop before compromising her totally.

"You never could. I never minded before. I'm not gonna start now."

Both experienced a sense of déjà vu as they ended up on the bed, unlike before there was no hurry and both curiously watched the other. It was funny that they were still operating in their previous roles. He was the asset still figuring the best way to make her surrender and she the logistics looking for a weakness in his defenses.

"How did I forget you? How could I forget you?"

His voice rumbled pleasurably through her whole body as he dragged his mouth from hers to her jawline and down to her wildly jumping pulse.

Nicky had no answer and she figured he wasn't looking for one. She caved and took what had been rightly hers all along. Before Black Briar and Marie when she was just a young assistant and him a beginning soldier.

They settled into a routine that was give and take. He would take her inhibitions and she would give him another piece to his evolving puzzle. Her hands fisted in his shirt bunching it at the waist and he shrugged it over his head as she pulled it off him.

She had always admired his lean form but her recollections of it had grown hazy with years and sadness and while she had managed to feel him a little bit when he pinned her to that metal pillar in Alexanderplatz, she'd been too scared to really appreciate it then.

Oh did she appreciate it now. He was leaner and he had more scars than before but he was more beautiful because of it. She greedily stroked his shoulders feeling the muscle at the top only to slide them back down to his waist and cup his jean covered rear.

A surprised groan escaped him and she squeezed him a little tighter.

His Nicky was showing a very different side and he was very glad to be on the receiving end. She had wiggled out her jeans impatiently and he had to restrain himself from spreading her legs and finishing what she had started.

Bourne slid his hand slowly from her knee to her abdomen completely skirting around the juncture of her thighs. Her hips moved into his grasp as he moved one leg so his thigh was between hers. Her hand anchored it with her own and she struggled to remove the offending garment that kept her from him.

He slid his hands under her back forcing her to rise and straddle his lap. The metal clasps came undone and he threw the bra to the floor. Nicky suddenly self conscious crossed her arms to cover her exposed front but Bourne stroked her hair and moved his large hand soothing down her back until he could feel her spine begin to lose its tension and her arms relaxed and dropped to her sides.

Only then did his left hand reach up and cup her breast. "I would never hurt you, Nicky."

He said it with such conviction that Nicky wondered if she had led him to believe he had.

"I would never leave you behind, unless I had to. Unless I had no other choice and only if it would save you from me, to keep you safe." He said quietly and leaned down to kiss the tears that had leaked out of the corner of her eyes.

He laid her back down covering her body with his.

"You asked me how I saw you. To me you are Bourne but you are Jason and David and it's all mixed up but I love every single part of you because they're all a part of me. That is how I will always see you." She pushed up and ran her mouth against his, softly catching his thin lips in her teeth.

He had taught her all about kissing and she was returning the lesson, she kissed him deeply and hard and soft and with her tongue. Her hands roamed over his strong hard body until she feared that she would die if she stopped touching him in any way.

His jeans were ripped off leaving him as nude as her. Bourne had no idea that this was what he'd been craving until he had her beneath him. Until her legs tightened on his torso and he was fully immersed in her. He was able to guide her hips for a little bit until the strain to keep himself in check forced him to let her find their rhythm on her own. Thankfully Nicky was a very quick learner and she grew accustomed to his weight on her and adjusted her movements to match his perfectly.

Years of lovemaking literally rushed back and they moved as if they had never been separated.

She clawed at the bedcovers and he felt the sweat rolling down his face as he too reached for something just out of his reach. She pressed her face to his neck and he could feel her outburst rattle his entire body and only then did he too let go.

All those years running and chasing his memories had led to this. The desire to be kept in her warm embrace, to be held and lavished in a way that would have been seen as a weakness to his colleagues.

He was back at the beginning and Bourne had been instrumental in tearing the blindfold of denial off Jason. With Nicky beside him the darkness was no longer a threat and he gave in to it.

Hours later and with Jason now fully in control, he looked down at the sleeping blond that lay curled on his chest. He stroked her hair happy that it triggered no memories of Marie. He was emotionally drained and exhausted but he could not face Nicky just yet. He had begun the process of mourning Marie and he could not love Nicky completely until he made peace with the rest of his past.

Nicky was his future and if he survived he would insure he would spend his life making up for lost time.

The light of the morning was making its way through the curtains and his watch read 05:00 a.m. They had to get up and get dressed. He silently slipped from the bed and she rolled into his vacant spot. Jason was retaining some of Bourne's training knowledge without the headaches and he knew that his mind was beginning to mend.

He grabbed some extra clothes out of the bag and took a quick shower. He finger combed his wet hair and opened the bag that had been by the door. While Nicky had been in the restroom at the restaurant he had grabbed a handful of her clothes.

He put them on the table with a hastily scribbled note that he would be back. He stopped at the door pulled the gun from his waistband and put it under her pillow. With a quick kiss on her temple, Jason Bourne left to procure some sort of breakfast and money for Nicky to run.

Nicky woke up almost as soon as Jason left the bed but that was the way it had been before. She stretched and instantly felt the soreness in her legs. She stuck her hand under the pillow and smiled even wider at the feel of the gun that brushed her fingertips.

A shower later she was deciding just how much she could air out her clothes or if Jason would mind if she borrowed a few of his. She was however delighted when she spotted a set on the table with a scribbled note that told her that he was definitely coming back and that they had work to do.

She dressed and ran down to the store to procure some last minute essentials. He caught up with her in the lobby and pressed a kiss to her temple just as he had done in the morning. She kissed his cheek and he followed her up the stairs.

The man at the front desk watched and then reached for his phone.

They entered leaving behind the sunny couple at the door. Jason finished preparing the bags so they'd be ready to leave at a moments notice and Nicky brought out her laptop. She began typing and just as before brought up the C.I.A. interface at Langley. She typed in Neal Daniels and Location.

The green search bar went red and the white letters of ACCESS DENIED flashed across it.

"His location is being blocked by the firewall."

Jason leaned in, he'd been afraid of this. "No, they found Daniels. They know where he is."

Nicky continued to hack away, "They'll get one of the operatives to terminate him."

"Find out who."

The profile popped up. "Desh," Nicky read.

_BOUKSANI, DESH. -----0700900934 - AG32-3ON_

Several more facts appeared but Jason barely spared a glance. "Tell him you're gonna meet him and you have a new phone for him."

"If you stop Desh, they'll just get someone else." Nicky informed him.

She suppressed a grin when he placed his hand on her shoulder. "No. We're not gonna stop him, we're gonna follow him." She didn't miss the _'we're' _as in both of them, either.

"He'll take us right to Daniels."

Nicky sent the message but she didn't let Jason see that she had put in her code. They would know it was her and that would put her in danger but she had agreed to help him and after what happened last night between them, she was willing to risk it all.

Back at headquarters Nicky's message went through. Kim from the last batch of techs from Berlin and who still worked with Landy reported. "Sir, the subject is deviating off course."

Noah Vosen looked at Landy, both were aware that Nicky was still missing. "Let it play."

Jason and Nicky cleaned their room and wiped down the bathroom. They paid and left walking closely to keep up appearances. They made it to one of the main intersections in the tourist district.

Nicky sat at a coffee shop table with the phone for Desh on the table. Jason was further down near a tree scouting and keeping an eye out for the asset. His insides were twisting with nerves, he was beginning to seriously doubt the wisdom of enlisting Nicky's help.

**'****She's not Marie. She knows what she's up against. She'll be fine, I'm here.' **He repeated it over and over in his head as he paced back and forth. He stepped back out of sight as Desh drove by, Jason got a little closer just to make sure that everything went according to plan.

Kim still keeping an eye on Desh on her monitor said, "Asset unscheduled stop."

Desh approached the table and grabbed the phone quickly pocketing it. Jason watched anxiously glad that he hadn't even bothered to glance at the blond.

**Noah Vosen's Headquarters **

Another technician pipped up. "Sir, we have asset on move en route to subject."

Wills another operator and on Noah's team responded. "Sir, we have and unauthorized breach." The man kept talking, "someone with active knowledge of our systems protocols. Instructions were sent to the asset at 1411 local time."

Landy thought of who had served with Neals at the time of his disappearance.** 'Nicky what have you done?'**

Wills kept right on talking digging the former logistics coordinator into a hole, "trace had been confirmed. It came from a computer belonging to Nicky Parsons."

Vosen sent a malice filled glare at Landy and she knew what he was about to ask, "where did the course deviation occur?"

Kim answered this time though she could feel Landy glaring daggers into her back, "South to Rue de Belguique, stationary Place de France."

Noah Vosen was not happy at all, "that's where Parsons is. When we're finished with Daniels send the asset after her." No stupid bleeding heart ex-treadstone lab rat was gonna mess up his plans for Bourne. "We find Parsons, we find Bourne."

"Noah, what are you doing?" Landy asked a note of real fear in her voice.

"Not now."

"I want to know what's going on?"

"I said not now!" he yelled. The command center went silent and all personnel stared at them.

"What basis are you continuing this operation on?" Landy shouted equally pissed.

"On the basis that Nicky Parsons has compromised a covert operation." Vosen approached the schematic of the map of Tangiers, "she is up to her neck in this!"

"This is about Daniels, not Nicky!"

Vosen talked over her, "she betrayed us."

Landy was staring at him like he was crazy, "you don't know the circumstances, Noah."

"She's in league with Jason Bourne for Christ's sake."

"You do not have the authority to kill her!" She had managed to save her from Abbott so she sure as hell wasn't going to sacrifice her to Vosen. Not even for Bourne. "Noah, she's one of us. If you start down this path when does it end?"

"It ends when we've won." Vosen replied. "When we're done with Daniels send the asset after them."


	25. Stationary Place the France

**I took forever (pause for flogging to commence)**

**Anyway here is the next one. I won't make any promises, I have learned my lesson.**

**The ** between are Jason and Nicky viewpoints flopping back and forth. Hope I don't confuse anybody.**

**Enjoy....**

* * *

**Rue du Belguique, stationary Place the France**

Bourne kept himself concealed until Nicky took her sight off Desh and placed it squarely back on her cup of coffee. He waited until the man pulled into the street before he began to follow. He bumped someone coming in, lifting his keys without a backwards step.

He kicked started and with one final nod in her general direction, he left her.

Bourne abandoned his tail and moved behind a delivery truck until Desh had passed Hotel Velasquez. He hung back until the asset had parked his own motorcycle down a narrow street. He knew that following a kill order to get to Daniels was risky but it was the only lead he had. He turned down the narrow street just in time to see Desh drop his bag.

**'****Daniels!' **

Neal Daniels appeared behind the wheel of a white car no more than two steps from a bank entrance.

"Stop!"

Bourne turned back sure that Desh was already gone but he was startled to see Desh still standing by his bag. Staring at him expectantly.

He looked at the bag and then at Daniels who was still in his car awaiting an order, his order. Bourne then saw to the left of the driver side door; Desh's vehicle innocently parked. The recognition of what was to happen propelled Bourne forward.

Daniels began to peel backwards just as Desh hit the control in his hand.

The explosion was deafening and a plume of smoke was instantly visible. The patrons of Café Paris shot to their feet. All yelling and shouting in excited French.

All but for one blond rooted to her seat.

**Noah Vosen's Headquarters **

Only a steady beeping with a caption that read _Signal Lost_ was heard. Tom could discern no expression on Vosen's face. It showed no satisfaction or even weariness for having killed a colleague. Tom left to search for Landy, the man had to be stopped.

Pam Landy saw her door open and Tom enter.

She was just getting off the phone with one of her contacts in Tangiers. The man, a Monsier Laquette, has just informed her that Nicky and Jason had just left his hotel not more than a few hours ago. He also told her that they had arrived the previous day and had only left their room for about an hour before retiring for the night and then briefly again in the morning prior to checking out together.

Landy nodded and wrote on the pad in front of her. "You're absolutely sure of what you are telling me, Laquette?"

Tom could imagine the man nodding vigorously on the other side of the phone. Pam had that effect on people. "Very well, thank you."

"Neal Daniels is dead." Tom said once she hung up the phone.

"I know but he was dead the moment he spoke to that reporter." Landy responded sitting forwards with her hands inching their way across her temples. "Laquette assures me that Nicky and Jason spent the whole day yesterday and most of the morning together."

"You don't think…"

Landy interrupted, "he also said that Jason only left for an hour the day before. Nicky however was gone for more and returned with a packed bag."

Tom sat, patiently looking to Landy to finish the puzzle. "If what he says can be verified, than what I suspected is correct." Pamela leaned forward and whispered, "that Nicky Parsons and Jason Bourne were lovers but more importantly Nicky gave birth to his child and not Daniel Zorn's as it was recorded."

The shock of the logistics coordinator for a pack of killers becoming pregnant by one of them was overshadowed by the very real threat they were all under. "I don't understand why that is so important and why it's coming up now? I mean, aren't you the only one that knows?" Tom asked.

"I don't think so. It might have been all history if Noah hadn't come onboard. Vosen was the one that had her child taken away when it was born. She was early and it was around the time that Jason disappeared on the Wombossi Mission."

"It doesn't make sense to kill her now. You aren't going to talk and neither is she, so why is she a risk?"

"Because, Nicky was told her child was stillborn. Abbot had Danny falsify the information and find a home for the baby, that was why Danny was killed. Noah found out about it after Abbott's suicide that is why he decided to go back and kill anything related to Treadstone and Blackbiar."

Tom looked back making sure nobody was watching her office to closely. "So that's why Vosen is after Nicky. Bourne never knew and with Nicky the truth dies."

Pam leaned back in her seat, her eyes on the conference room that Vosen had turned into his own personal war room. "If an asset can form attachments like Jason did with Nicky, then all black bag operations are subject to reviews. Noah would lose the absolute control he has. Bourne is the best, what hope can there be for others if he failed to stay a cold killing machine?"

**Tangiers – **

Bourne winced as he opened his eyes. His hands scrambled to get the rest of his body up. Desh's back was quickly moving away and climbing back onto another motorcycle, probably the one Bourne had stolen originally. That was enough to spur him on.

He got to his feet ignoring the charred remains of Daniels, he'd visit him later.

He limped along the street and down stone steps. The hill nearly threw him head over feet but he regained his bearings enough to make it to the next street level and some nearby motorcycles. This city was full of quick vehicles and opportunities.

He hopped on and instantly police sirens blared all around him. He caught a glimpse of the white cop car behind him and he took off going around the car and nearly taking out the driver's door and driver.

**

Nicky was still on her chair. Her coffee untouched and her hands clinging to her purse. **'Come on, Bourne. Come on. Where are you?'**

More and more tourists ran to the origin of the smoke competing with the cops and the loud sirens that obliterated any kind of panic. **'Focus on the time, focus on the throng of people.'** She concentrated on how long it had been since the explosion and calculated in her head what the response time of Tangier's police was based on the amount of cars zooming past.

**'****Hurry, I can't wait any longer. You told me five minutes if it works out. Two if it goes wrong.'**

**

His body throbbed with every step that collided with his tires. His teeth would have hit against each other if he hadn't been gritting them painfully instead. He sped up hoping over a steep embankment and barely missing innocent pedestrians. **'Three minutes, leave Nicky. Leave!'**

Narrow and mostly deserted alleys kept him abreast of Desh but he had gotten sloppy. His being with Nicky had been a bad idea. She affected him just as much now if not more than before and her safety had jumped to the forefront of his mind.

She had wormed her way back into his life and it cost him. It might have cost her.

That was why he had not thought to look at Desh's path as he followed him. More honking and police cruizers that almost rammed him later, Bourne finally made his way to the Rue du Belguique hub.

**

**'****You waited as long as you could.' **"Just one more minute, its just one more minute."

His voice replaced her own inner one. **'Nicolette leave…for me. I can't bare you dying because of me.'**

"What if you come and don't find me here?"

**That morning at Hotel Munria – 3:00 a.m. local time**

"_Couldn't sleep," he offered._

"_Sleep is overrated besides, I doubt you've gotten much." She replied._

_He squeezed her side and pulled away at the same time. "If something goes wrong tomorrow. If after we find Daniels, if something happens to me."_

"_I have to leave. I have three minutes before they call clean up and send the asset after me."_

"_No, Nicky. You have two minutes and only two. You cannot wait for me."_

_Nicky had grown to love this new version of her Jason but that didn't mean she would let him boss her around. She had enough of that from the old one. "I know. We've gone over the plan over and over. I know what to do. I know that if you die, they come after me."_

_Bourne sat up, his scarred back to her, "do you think I go over this for my own benefit?" _

"_Do you?" he didn't move a muscle but she could feel the change in the air around him. He was back to the lethal man he had been at Calle Norte. _

"_Jason---"_

"_I do this for you. I do this because I have to, otherwise I will grab our bags and disappear with you. I will forget about what I don't know and leave it all. I will subject you to a lifetime of running with someone who isn't worth the effort." _

_Nicky remained lying down, her heart thumping at the rawness of his emotions. Emotions she was sure were nearly none existence were quickly rising to the forefront and she worried how they could affect him tomorrow. Jason was right; she had to let him go._

"_Nicolette leave…for me. I can't bare you dying because of me."_

"_What if you come back and don't find me there?" she asked_

"_I will find you. I will always find you." He kissed her and they fell asleep holding onto each other._

"Find me, Bourne." Nicky muttered.

She dropped some money on the table and began to walk away. A motorcycle motor broke through the roar of the crowd. She looked over her shoulder just to have her gaze slam into Desh's.

**

The traffic of the Rue blurred before his eyes. He swerved out of the path of the speeding cars long enough to reduce speed and jump off the bike. It hit the pavement with a resounding thud but Jason/Bourne were already thundering down the pathway towards the Café Paris outdoor tables.

Empty white cup in its saucer, silver spoon laying right side up and several bills tucked underneath neatly.

**'****You lingered. Damm you, Nicky. You lingered.' **

Fury and terror battled for supremacy but neither won. Jason Bourne was left with nothing to combat the emptiness in his stomach. He kept going past the sad empty table and crushed the pieces of cell phone that formed the trail of one Nicky Parsons.

"I will find you, I'll kill him. I'll them all."

**

Pieces by piece of her phone had clattered to the ground. Her steps kept taking her closer and deeper into crowd, if in doubt always blend. **'He can't shoot you if he can't see you.'** She didn't tell herself that if he caught her that he wouldn't have to shoot her.

She knew better than most, the amount of ways to be killed at their hands without the aid of a gun. He stopped at the edge of the crowd and she took a chance to look back. He parked, got off and began weaving through the people.

It dawned on Nicky that he was taking his time; that could only mean one thing.

Jason Bourne must be dead.


	26. Chase in Tangiers

**I know shocking I am not dead. No, I will not be abandoning this story. I love Bourne too much for that. **

**I just have been obsessed with Inception and well...I'm sorry!**

**I will have another update before the week is up. That is the most I promise.**

**Enjoy...**

* * *

**'Keep moving, keep moving.' **Nicky told herself weaving in and out between vendors and moving people aside. She looked back behind her but he just kept coming. She knew that her hair was a dead give away but she couldn't slow down for even a second to cover it, there was no room for error on this chase.

Not that it really mattered what she did. She had aided an agent who'd gone rouge and with Jason no longer there as a barrier and gone it would only be a matter of time before Desh caught and took care of her.

Nick was glad that she'd had the foresight last night to take advantage of her outing, to wire half the money she had left to the account, Nina Monterese and the other half to Pamela Landy along with whatever files she had managed to obtain on Treadstone.

They would kill her but they would not silence her and it gave her a bit of comfort that her death would not be in vain. That Danny's would be avenged.

She walked in and out of the crowd, turning and looking behind her. Nicky heard the commotion of the police at her back but they weren't after Desh and even if they had been, they wouldn't have been able to her anyway.

She kept walking faster and faster but once the crowd of people thinned out she full blown ran. She ran down alleys, switching back out twice as she ran into dead ends. She turned into the mouth of a third alley but it too was closed off.

She would be exposed if she doubled back now so there was no hope but to continue into it. Luck was on her side as it had plenty of doors and hopefully one of those doors would lead to a hiding place. She yanked on every one of them but they were all locked. Desperate and at an end, she threw her shoulder into a red colored one and it gave way leading into a set of apartments with stairs.

Nicky climbed the stairs, panting and pushing her exhausted legs to keep going if only for her to be able to hide long enough to catch a breath, her fingers clutched her bag in terror as she clearly saw that the labyrinthine buildings would only give her cover for so long.

She tried not to dwell on the inescapable fact, that unlike the previous encounters, she would not survive this latest meeting with Bourne. If she could just make it to a phone, maybe she could make sure Landy kept her promise and told the truth about Bourne.

That Noah Vosen had all the dirt needed for Landy to take them down. That Nicky was one of the main authors of the behavior programming, that her thesis had helped start Treadstone. That Conklin had found out she was pregnant and had been blackmailing her with it and making her doctor the reports on the assets to keep his program running.

That Danny had claimed the child as Abott asked and Neal Daniels had just informed her prior to his talk with Simon Ross that the child had not died and in fact had been adopted by a distant relative of Zorn's.

Pamela could do what neither of them had been able to do. She could crack open the black opps.

The thought of her child somewhere alive gave her the last bit of strength needed for her to make it to the top floor and push the door open. **'You can do this, just get back into the crowd.'**

The roof she was standing on opened out to a flat and wide terrace with a low wall. She eyed the distance to the next roof and back down where she had come. Nicky had no choice she had to keep moving. "I hate this, I hate this," she chanted slung her bag diagonally over her shoulder and with one leap of faith she threw herself forward into the air.

She let the momentum of her body carry her through and she slammed into the ground on the other terrace, her head came out of safety of her arms and after a brief check to ascertain that she hadn't cracked anything, she looked around for a similar rooftop door.

She kicked it open and ran down the flight a stairs that mirrored the ones she had just climbed.

With her adrenaline spent, Nicky, hand on the wall shakily walked down each step. Her breaths came out in shuddering bits that hopefully would not draw unwanted attention. She pressed against the wall and slid down carefully looking around the doorway.

Nothing but cracked checkered floors and children crying around her. She ran past an entrance and to a window. Turning one last time to make sure she wasn't being followed she ran past the window and towards another door.

One that would hopefully lead to the street.

She found herself in another corridor with even more windows and fewer doors. She opened one and barely spied Desh by the exit door. She hastily moved away and turned back the way she came. She hit another set of doors and finally saw a way out.

It was a balcony three stories up and over a hard alley floor. She kept going hoping for another door or staircase but all she saw were more windows and more balconies. **'Oh God! I can't make that, I can't.'**

Nicky could practically hear his steps and the breath of death he brought with him, unable to decide or deliberate much longer, she slipped across into an unoccupied room with another high escape option. She had just started to grip her fingers around the window frame to pull herself onto the balcony when she heard the crash of someone going through glass.

Hoping that maybe Desh had met with an unfortunate accident or that somehow Landy had known of her predicament and sent reinforcements; Nicky let go and went to investigate. She ran down the same corridor she had been hiding in originally and turned the corner.

Two men were fighting and struggling for the control of a gun, the gun went off and she dropped to the ground as the shot ricocheted off the doorway where she'd been standing.

She checked herself and rose to perhaps help her good Samaritan when she finally got a good look at the men. One was Desh and the one fighting him was…Jason Bourne.

Bourne kept going following the line of cell phone pieces until they ended. He kept going past the stolen motorcycle and into the flow of people coming out of a nearby marketplace. If there was one thing Nicky knew how to do, it was blend.

**'****Why did you stay? Why?'** ran through his mind as people were rudely shoved aside in his urgency. He made progress into the crowd but he had forgotten about the cops still on his tail.

They had reached the market and were blowing their whistles shrilly. He turned and saw them heading his way, **'I don't have time for this. Nicky is in danger.'** He looked around the stalls as he passed them.

His mind taking in and discarding items as quickly as he saw them.

He ran around a group of tourist just as the much larger group of cops converged and pinpointed his position. He pushed past an older man and saw a table full of hairspray bottles. He took one quickly and dragging along the vendor of them with him, he dropped it in a trashcan being used as a fire pit.

The explosion would have been deafening but his hearing was still off due to the Daniel's bomb. It did create the diversion he needed and parted the people giving him plenty of room to run and chase his target.

A cop slammed into him and Bourne grabbed his gun hand bent it at the wrist pulling the weapon from him and pushed him backward until the man fell. The stunt helped keep people further away and discouraged any would-be heroes. It also made it harder to find Desh in the pockets the crowd had formed.

Like Nicky before him, he too dashed into a building and ran up the stairs with the Tangier's police hot on his heels. He slammed a roof door close and jumped onto a terrace. It looked out onto the crowd and with any luck he'd be able to spot Desh.

He saw the police presence was getting bigger but no asset. He ran to another ledge and searched frantically looking for anything to give him an advantaged. To his dismay he saw Nicky's distinctive hair, he had hoped that she'd been farther away by now. He found her much too quickly which could only mean, he looked and sure enough just a few paces behind her, he saw that Desh had found her too.

He ran from the edge and climbed back onto a higher terrace, he turned around as the police caught up to him and he vaulted over several low walls. He ran around the corner and found himself blocked by wall whose top was covered in glass.

He took a shirt from a clothesline, and wrapping it around his hands he hopped over that one as well, the police yelling behind him.

Bourne stopped for a second to get his bearings. He stood on the wall searching for any further sign of Nicky. The police caught up to him again and they were shouting at him in Arabic. He could understand what they were saying but he didn't care about them.

It would only be a matter of time and if he lingered Nicky would be added to the running tally of allies he had gotten killed. He looked down into the now deserted alleys and spotted the asset looking up around himself, Bourne followed his gaze and saw Nicky standing on the ledge of a building.

He waited with baited breath as she stood on the ledge teetering on it as if deciding whether or not she was going to jump. He wondered briefly if she was the type to consider suicide. He had known the answer to that in another life before he had left her.

Given some of the things he had found out about her, he would say no but the things he knew about her were several years old and she'd been through a lot since, a lot of it at his hands.

Maybe it had gotten to her. Maybe she was only willing to put her faith in herself, even if that meant dying on her own terms and not because she was part of a program that had gone wrong.

She flexed her knees and jumped clearly landing on the other side. Bourne released a breath he hadn't known he was holding.

Desh saw her and moved into action. Nicky was his last line to his old life. He could not and would not lose her. He would kill Desh with his bare hands if he had to.

He unfroze from his stance and kept running across the buildings, the police in hot pursuit. He jumped into a home scaring a woman and slipping past her son and out another door. He too narrowly avoided getting lost in the maze that was the building as he jumped and ran into home after home.

Going past child playing and grandparents praying. Women cooking and men taking naps.

He kept running until his heart was pumping so loud it was all he could hear. Until his lungs were holding the smallest amount of air they could work on. Until all he saw was her pretty face kissing him and telling him that she loved him in some crappy hotel while they ran from people trying to kill him.

Until he began to hallucinate that he was seeing her right in front of him.

He looked again and he realized that it was Nicky he was seeing and she was running off and away from the window directly across from him. He didn't know how far off Desh was or even if he was close but he had to get to her and if that meant jumping through a full glass door, then Bourne would jump through a full glass door.

He took a running start and he kicked off the balcony.

Time seemed to freeze as he sailed directly into the door and broke through it. He rolled to the floor and immediately shots flew over his head. Desh came around the corner and squeezed off a few more shots before Bourne smacked his hands against the wall attempting to dislodge it from the other asset's grip.

One shot went wild and hit the doorway right where Nicky had dropped.

**'****Had she been hit?'**

In his brief pause of worry for Nicky's health, Desh twisted Bourne's hands squeezing the bullets in Nicky's direction until Bourne forced it to the corridor and threw it there. He was thrown back into the room he had crashed into and onto a bed. Desh pummeled him and Bourne tried to lift himself for leverage.

Out of nowhere Nicky ran and jumped onto Desh's back, sticking her fingers into his mouth and dragging one side of it harshly to the side. He ran his right elbow into her face and the left into the side of her head until she let go and then for good measure kicked her in the stomach.

Nicky fell back flat on her back and seeing her sprawled like that after she had taken on a man she had no hope of beating and doing it for him gave Bourne a surge of such hatred that he punched Desh so hard he tumbled head over feet.

Desh got back up and Bourne pushed Desh out of the way of Nicky's prone form.

They fought it out in the next room. Falling into bookcases and using anything within arm's reach to keep fighting. They crashed into the bathroom and after a few tossed items and swipes of a razorblade, Bourne balled up a towel around Desh neck.

He pushed him down in the corner using his body weight to hold him as he tightened the towel and twisted the ends together. Desh sensing the end reached up and smacked Bourne in the face but Bourne pushed his hand away and held on, using the image of Desh hitting Nicky to keep the ends tight. Finally Desh slumped and Bourne let go of the towel as well.

He looked up to see Nicky in the door. Her pale face showed exhaustion, disbelief and something else. It looked like revulsion.

As far as he remembered, Nicky had never seen him actually kill someone before. Sure she knew what he was capable of and what he had done but to actually see it as opposed to reading about it in a report and to see it up close was different. **'How much of what he done right now had she seen?'**

She came closer, her eyes not straying from the dead man. He looked back down at the body unable to handle seeing what she really thought about him in those brown eyes. He searched Desh's body and pulled out his phone.

"Code it in. We need to be dead." He said and handed Nicky the phone without looking at her.

Nicky took the phone wordlessly but he didn't see how she stared at him with concern.

They left the apartments much quieter than they had entered them. Nicky had punched in the codes and somewhere in New York, Noah Vosen was getting a note saying they were down.

She closed the phone carefully and slowly pulled it apart. She threw the pieces away in a trashcan serving as a fire pit. Bourne walked quietly in front of her leading her out through the back alleys that had saved her life. "Are you okay?"

"We have to get somewhere in doors. The police are looking for me."

"Jason?"

He turned around and pulled her into a secluded alley, "what Nicky? What do you need to say that is so goddamm important that you can't wait until we get out of view?"

"Thank you for saving my life." She said simply.

"It's my fault you were in danger anyway. We need to get you some dye and scissors. We have to disguise you. Your hair stands out too much." He lifted a hand to touch the different colored strands but he walked out of the alley instead.

She stuck her hands in her pockets and walked alongside him. "I'm grateful either way and I'm sorry you had to do it," she said it as if was an everyday thing for him, which it kind of was.

It made him mad for some reason. By her tone she was implying that she hadn't expected him to save her; that she had probably expected him to let Desh take her out so that he wouldn't have to deal with her later. "Save you life or kill Desh?" he snapped.

"Both." She paused, perhaps she sensed his anger, no she sensed something but it wasn't that. "There's a store on the corner, I'll get what I need and we can get out off the street and out of view."

Bourne handed her some money and she ran into the store. He shook his head that had been too familiar.


	27. Tangiers then New York

**Look an update! (Hallelujah Hallelujah!)**

**Enjoy...(obviously some dialogue...ok a lot of dialogue from the movie but its necessary. Next chapter is off the grid)**

* * *

**New York**

The phone rang, "yeah?"

"Bourne and Nicky Parsons are dead."

"You sure about that?" the man asked.

Noah Vosen was given a sign that someone in the nearest safe house was in route. "Our station chief in Rabat is confirming."

"I can't afford to have this come back to me."

Noah hesitated before answering, "don't worry. You're protected."

"Just remember why we put Landy there. If Blackbriar goes south, we'll roll it up, hang it around her neck and start over."

"Sir, what about the child?" Noah asked.

"Take care of it, all of it. No loose ends. We don't need that coming out. Do you understand me?"

Noah nodded even though the other man couldn't see it.

"Yes sir," he answered but all he could hear now was a dial tone. He didn't want to kill an innocent child and its whole family but then he considered that he'd technically had already done that. Vosen had just authorized the kill of its birth parents, what difference did it make if he reunited the whole family.

Ray told him that Landy was in her office. He assumed she was pacing due to his killing Nicky. Regardless Noah had a job to do and what he really thought had no room in what he was doing.

**Tangiers**

The silence between them was deafening in the bustling city. Tangiers was beautiful and terrifying at night, it was so busy yet isolated and Jason felt more exposed now than when he'd been chasing Desh earlier in broad daylight.

Nicky had been quiet since she'd gotten back from the store and he didn't breach her defenses. It was better this way. This way it could be a clean break for them both though of course he knew he was lying to himself.

Even with amnesia he'd not been able to rid his mind of the blond by his side. She'd always been there like a beacon in his fractured brain and now that he remembered most of their relationship, it was even more dangerous to let her stay in his thoughts.

Today had proven that he was defenseless when it came to her. He'd been careless and rash and it had almost taken her life. Every once in a while he'd glance at her and the sight of her dropping to the ground after the gun went off, would play in vivid detail and when it did he'd shake it by touching her shoulder to assure to himself that she was really beside him and not some made up shade.

Jason had been planning on taking the fight to their doorstep ever since they'd killed Marie. He had never dreamed he'd regain most of his memories or be joined by one of the few people who could answer his questions.

He was ready to go to his death and that had to exclude Nicky. Her importance to the agency would end if he were killed or taken, he'd make sure of it.

The hotel he picked was a dinky hole in the wall with a broken elevator and a scummy man behind an equally scummy desk. "We need a room."

The man muttered how much time and Jason didn't need to look at Nicky to feel the shame burning through her. Jason slapped an amount that was definitely more than three times what the room would cost but the man made no further comments as he got a good look at the hard face before him.

Shaking a little he handed Jason a key and went back to his magazine.

Two flights of stairs later, he opened the door and held her back as he inspected the room. He indicated that it was safe and she entered. He laid out their supplies on the wobbly table and she went straight into the bathroom.

One of his ever-present headaches made him sit down hard on the bed and it creaked with his weight but all he saw were flashes of the man in the pictures. He shook his head and took a deep breath forcing the images to the back of his mind. He was getting better at controlling the outbursts.

Jason watched absentmindedly as she grabbed a towel and soaked it. He searched his mind for a memory or a recollection of what she was like with him after a mission. But all that came back were unpleasant memories that implied how dangerous he was to her still.

**'What did she think of me now that she'd actually seen me take a life?'** He was so lost in his own world that it took her giving him the soaked towel to break out of his morose thoughts.

She sat beside him and waited patiently.

Jason needed to see fear of him in her eyes, "I can see their faces. Everyone I ever killed, I just don't know their names." But he was afraid to see it so he kept his gaze on his hands, the hands that had saved her life.

"Marie used to try to…" Nicky sat up a little straighter, a little bit farther from him, "help me remember the names."

He had to cut her out of his heart and mind and never look for her ever again. To allow her a Bourne-free existence but even now he could feel her eyes on him. Knew that she would never leave him willingly unless he pushed her away. He could feel her desire to comfort him even after how he had treated her. "I've tried to apologize for…for what I've done. For what I am."

She leaned forward again reaching out to him. "None of it makes it any better." Her hand rested gently on his wrist. Her delicate fingers gripped his rough ones and his watch dug into her palm but the force of her squeeze only increased in pressure the longer they sat locked in silence.

He focused on the paleness of it then let his eyes drift towards the throat he'd kissed with such abandon only a day ago. He took in the straight mouth and wide eyes that looked at him with sympathy and not the revulsion he needed to see.

He closed his eyes and memorized the feel and smell of her. The sight of her mouth forming the absolution he so desperately craved. He opened his eyes, "they're gonna come for you again." **'For helping me.'**

She stared back at him and added her other hand to envelope his. "You're gonna have to run now."

They studied each other like a chess game. Both were calculating what they could or couldn't risk. In the end he won and she let go and got up to begin the process of disappearing Nicky Parsons.

She removed her jacket and blouse without a sound until she was wearing nothing but a flimsy tank top. She donned the rubber gloves and mixed the color quickly and he just sat in the room listening as she bent over the sink and dyed her hair.

He would have helped but she said. "I've dyed my hair before. There's nothing to it."

She said it with a false cheerfulness that reminded him of how different she was from Marie. How despite everything, Nicky didn't need him while Marie had depended on him. Feeling the onset of another headache he fished around in his bag for the little white pills.

As he rummaged he realized that Nicky had gone through it, no doubt to look for anything that could be useful, when she had thought he had left her. He glanced at the closed bathroom door and began pulling out his clothes. It was packed pretty closely to how he'd left it except for the one white buttoned-down shirt.

He undid the creases that were too neat to be his or Marie's and pulled out the notebook. He found nothing unusual about the front or back of it but as he flipped through the pages he began to see notations on the margins. Dates and names were neatly written next to all the question marks he'd penned.

He looked again at the door and he sighed as the last photo of Marie fell into his hand. The door opened and he could feel Nicky's eyes on him.

"She's very beautiful. You look happy with her."

Jason looked up from the picture and back at the woman in the doorway. "Thank you for the names. Marie used to say that I should write down whatever I could. That maybe I'd remember everything in time."

"Did it work?"

"No. All I got were headaches."

"Were you happy with her?"

"Why are you asking this?" he asked returning the picture to its hiding place.

"Since you went missing I always wished that you'd gotten away. Before they found you and her together in India," she paused choosing her words carefully. "I had hoped that you had gotten to live a normal life with her. That Treadstone and all its effects had gone to the bottom of the ocean."

"I was for a while but something always came back and broke through."

"What?"

"You." He said simply.

"I'm sorry."

"About what happened in the hotel…"

"You're not obligated to me Jason. You never have been. I've never expected anything to come from it."

"I wasn't talking about us sleeping together." She flinched and he cursed himself for being so blunt. "I didn't mean…"

"What are you talking about then?"

"Nicky, understand that—"

"Are you talking about Desh?" she asked determined to end whatever he was trying to say.

Defeated he nodded. "What did you think?"

She smiled for the first time since he'd told her that he remembered everything on the boat. "I thought that I would have never used a towel that way." He looked away and she sat down next to him, "Jason, I know what you were trained to be. I know what you've done. I planned a lot of your missions. It didn't change what I thought about you then, it doesn't change what I think about you now."

"Why did you attack him? You had no chance."

"Because if he had killed you then I wouldn't have stood a chance either way. I wasn't going to go down without a fight. I wanted to die on my own terms."

"Did I ever say how I felt about you?"

"Once."

"What did I say exactly?"

She heard the beep of her watch signifying that the dye had done its job and once more she left to the bathroom. This time there was finality in her tone. "You make me feel whole."

The lock clicked and he heard the shower turn on but he knew that it wasn't the door keeping them apart. He wanted so badly to rip it off the hinges and just have it out with her. Anything to make that forlorn expression disappear off her face and never come back.

He wanted to shout at her that he was doing this for her, for them and for all of those that had been used by the powers that be. But he didn't because he had to leash that side of him.

She was already a target and he couldn't make it worse.

During the entire time she'd been changing herself he'd just sat and looked through his notebook. Nicky felt a tiny bit of peace in knowing she'd given him some pieces to his puzzle.

She stripped and stepped into the hot spray of water. She closed her eyes and felt the dye drip out of her hair and down her body. Nicky felt broken and battered and she half expected the black color to adhere to the multitude of bruises and cuts on her body.

Once the water ran clear she took a long moment underneath the spray to cry out what was left of her feelings for Jason Bourne. Though he was sitting physically right outside her door, mentally he was already an ocean away.

She wrapped a towel around herself long enough to retrieve her bag and go back to the bathroom. Jason eyed her but made no comment on how she looked. A look of pain briefly etched on his face and Nicky was reminded once again that there were now three people in their relationship, if it could be called that.

She dressed as quickly as possible leaving her hair until the end. She shoved all her clothes back into the bag then grabbed a hank of hair and cut. The strands drifted to the sink and she rinsed it again releasing more of the dye into the drain.

She continued cutting and using the mirror to adjust the evenness of her hair as best as she could. The back might not be perfect but she could always have it fixed later if need be, for now it would do. She trimmed one last piece and saw his reflection in the mirror.

His body was half tilted towards her and half away and it struck her how appropriately that signified them. Half of him would never be hers and half of him couldn't seem to pull away. He turned his head and locked eyes with her in the mirror.

She knew what her eyes were conveying. Hers showed the pain she'd endured in being reunited with him only to be separated again. His were a strange mix of longing and confusion that shocked her, as if he wasn't fully sure of his feelings for her and she wondered if he knew what she was being allowed to see.

Not that it would surprise her if he didn't. Jason's mind was too full to analyze anything too deeply. Treadstone and her had done their job too thoroughly on all the assets. He was just the most damaged and human of them.

"We should go." He said it so faintly that she might have imagined him standing there. Though the sadness in those blue eyes would forever be with her.

Nicky emerged from the bathroom fully ready to meet the world and hope for the best, at least on the outside but on the inside she'd gone back to her training. Gone back to the clinical persona that she'd cultivated before he broke through.

"We'll stay here tonight and leave at first light."

"No." she said.

Jason looked amazed that she would defy him but he made no comment as she slipped her bag higher on her shoulder and shook her head. "You need to leave. I need to leave."

"We don't have to leave right now, we still have time-"

"You have to talk to Landy and I have to disappear." He didn't point out how she had separated their missions.

"I'll take you to the station."

"You don't have to," she said.

"I want to."

They approached the lockers at the bus terminal and he began to pull stuff out of one of them. "Just get a simple story and stick to it. Just remember if something feels wrong it probably is. Just get out, go somewhere else. Start over-" he stopped mid lecture when he realized that she was preoccupied with something in her hands.

Nicky was looking down at the gold cross he'd given and that she had taken off in the shower. She had been planning to drop it somewhere on the street the whole time they'd been walking but she couldn't seem to give up this last piece of them.

"Are you listening?" he snapped.

She clenched her hand around it to hide it from his view, "yeah."

"They're gonna come after you." **'Don't get caught. I need to know that you are somewhere safe.'**

She nodded and he bit back the desire to shake a response out of her.

With the bus ticket purchased there was nothing left to delay their good byes. Not that they needed one as it seemed that Nicky had already done so back in the hotel.

"It gets easier," he said. She looked at him blankly then turned and boarded the bus.

He didn't wait to see it pull away. He had to find out what was left of Daniel's and see if any of it could help him. He arrived at the morgue in record time and found a New York address.

He paid the attendant and returned to where it all had started.

**New York**

Landy was sitting in her office and reading an email when her associate, Tom, came in.

"Pam. You need to see this."

She followed him to his office and found him bent over his computer and closed the door. "A passport for Gilberto de Piento just cleared immigration. It's an early Treadstone identity registered to Jason Bourne, but he never used it and it never went to the grid. Bourne's alive."

"They don't know?"

Tom confirmed it, "well, if they knew, Vosen wouldn't be in his office right now."

"It's a hell of a risk."

"Maybe Bourne wants us to know." He continued, "just like Naples. Maybe he's communicating." Pam seemed unconvinced but Jason was unique so maybe there was something to what Tom was saying, "maybe he's trying to communicate with you."

"Then we should communicate back. I think I know what Bourne's looking for."

The flight to New York went off without a hitch. The airport was busy as usual and Jason wasted no time in getting through customs. He was to the doors when he heard his name over the PA:

_Gilberto de Piento._

_Gilberto de Piento._

_Your party is waiting for you._

He ignored the call and got into the nearest taxi. "Where to?" the man asked.

"105 40th street."

He got out at the corner and passed the Gourmet Deli Pizza Restaurant, he looked at the building across from it. It would give him a perfect view into CRI headquarters.

The building was in the middle of renovations and it was quick work up to the eight floor. He opened his bag and took up residence on the south side of the building. Pamela Landy has just entered her office and a few windows over to the left he saw Noah Vosen stuffing papers marked Treadstone into an accordion folder then into a safe.

It was time to talk.

"Pamela Landy."

"I hear you're still looking for me."

"Bourne?" Tom came in just as Landy said his name and he mouthed that she was being recorded.

"What do you want?" he responded.

"I…I wanted to thank you for the tape. It's all tied off. It's over. I guess I owe you an apology."

"Is that official?"

"No. Off the record. You know how it is." Landy motioned to Noah's office and Tom left hers.

"Goodbye."

Tom came back in. "He's not in there," he whispered.

Landy opened his file and got an idea. "Wait. Wait. David Webb. That's your real name. You were born four, fifteen, nineteen seventy-one in Nixa, Missouri. Why don't you come in and we'll talk about it?"

The numbers triggered a building with white lettering. The number 415 stark against the dark façade. Other things came too, the white corridor, Neal Daniels. The room he'd passed with Nicky sitting in it talking to someone. A man saying, _'Do you commit to the program?'_

"Bourne?" she called. He rubbed his eyes and looked through the scope again, "get some rest, Pam. You look tired."

Landy whirled around but the sheer amount of buildings facing her office made the action moot.

Inside Noah Vosen listened to Landy's side. "Something is very wrong."

Ray looked confused and they heard her call his name. There was a moment of silence then Bourne answered. "Get some rest, Pam. You look tired."

"He's looking right at her." Vosen left the cubbyhole they were in and announced to his people that they had an imminent threat and that Bourne was alive and somewhere near them.

Meanwhile Pam threw on her coat and grabbed her phone. "I'm going out there. If I show myself, he'll find me."

Ray shouted over Vosen, "Landy just left the building."

They began tracing her cell, "she's using her phone and got an incoming text."

"Get it."

"Working on it, sir. I've got it coming up on the screen now."

The text projected onto the white screen in bold letters.

_Tudor City Pl & 42__nd__._

_Ten minutes,_

_Come alone._

"Anybody not on Landy goes directly to Tudor City. Get the vehicles. We're going mobile."

Landy went walking having a good idea that this was just a way for Bourne to do something they weren't expecting. She saw the cars and men following her but paid them no mind.

If she didn't see Bourne soon, she'd know that he had used her. Which was fine by her, it meant he trusted her and getting his trust was very important to her.

Vosen sat in his car keeping at a distance. "Copy that, I see her. Any sign of Bourne?" he asked.

"Negative."

His phone rang and he answered, "Noah Vosen"

"This is Jason Bourne."

"I was wondering when you were going to make this call. How did you get this number?"

"You didn't actually think I was coming to Tudor City, did you?"

"No, I guess not. But if it's me you want to talk to, perhaps we can arrange a meet."

"Where are you now?"

"I'm sitting in my office." Vosen lied.

"I doubt that," Jason replied.

"And why would you doubt that?"

"If you were in your office right now, we'd be having this conversation face to face."

Jason hung up and Vosen got on his radio, "everybody back into your vehicles. This is a code ten abort."

Jason got the documents and bagged them. He made his way out building and out to the street.

Landy spotted Tom's car and jumped in, "what just happened?"

"Bourne just broke into CRI. He got into Vosen's safe. Where to?"

Landy took a gun from the glove box. "415 E 71st St."

Tom looked at her, "Four-fifteen-seventy one? Jesus. Pam."

Landy got there just as Jason crossed the street. She came out from behind the pillar. He looked tired and wounded. He was limping but the determination in his eyes was keeping him together.

"They'll kill you for giving me this." Was his greeting.

"Four-Fiteen-Seventy-One isn't much of a code," she said seriously. "My guess is Vosen is on his way already."

"Why'd you do it?" He knew why Nicky did and why Marie had helped. Hell he even understood Daniel's motivation but Landy was a mystery to him. She seemed driven but yet she was willing to torpedo her career and maybe even lose her life to help him.

"Because this isn't what I signed up for, what they did to you, Blackbriar. This isn't us."

Jason admired her bravery, "then do something about it. Everything you need is in there." She took the bag he offered, "everything."

"David. Why don't you come in with me? It'll be better if we do this together."

"No. This is where it started for me. This is where it ends."

She wanted to say, be careful. She wanted to say, don't its suicide. Instead she tapped his shoulder. He stopped and she slipped a single piece of paper into his hand. "It has to end. Not you."

He slipped the paper into his jacket and walked inside.


	28. New York, Tangiers, Germany and Athens

**I am so excited. I'm pretty sure I'll finish this story by the middle of September. I'm gonna try to finish earlier. (the muse can be very fickle)**

**Obvious some dialogue from the movie...don't own anything...so on and so on.**

**Enjoy...**

* * *

Pamela Landy watched as David Webb/Jason Bourne disappeared into the place that had sacrificed so many good people in an effort to gain results without bureaucracy. She wondered if he'd keep fighting on once he found out the truth about the program and Nicky but more importantly, himself.

A screech of tires drew her attention and she knew that Vosen had figured out her non-code. She whirled around and ran in after Jason. She saw him enter the elevator but she continued past it and to the stairwell.

She forced an office door open and slammed it shut behind her. Once at the phone she punched in the emergency code. "Hello. This is Pamela Landy. I have to send a classified document."

Landy wrote the fax number down and unpacked the bag. Inside were all the documents that related to Treadstone's beginnings as well as its eventual upgrade to Blackbriar. Jason hadn't been lying; it was everything they needed to bring it crashing down.

She opened the folders and found name after name of targets that had been taken out while either involved in Treadstone or after they had helped set up Blackbriar. She found personnel files and every single dirty secret that pertained to the programs and their running by their equally dirty bosses from Conklin up to Ezra Kramer.

She scanned further and found the various write ups by Nicky indicating the many problems each asset suffered, from the mild antisocial behavior of The Professor to the severe psychological breaks of two others that had to be reprogrammed and even the headaches of the seemingly perfect Bourne.

It also included extensive files on Jason Bourne and the behavioral training he'd gone through at the hands of Albert Hirsch, Neal Daniels and his care under Nicky Parsons.

She put aside Daniel Zorn and Nicky's file along with one sheet of Jason's. She shoved them under her coat and typed in the fax number. She hurriedly shoved each and every remaining page until the door slammed open and Noah Vosen walked in. Landy turned to face him safe in the knowledge that his misdeeds had been sent to the higher ups regardless of the gun in his hand.

Vosen looked around her and rushed to the fax machine. The last page went through and he pulled it disbelieving from the tray. He stared at her too shocked to actually say anything. Pamela had no such problem. "You better get yourself a good lawyer."

Meanwhile Jason maneuvered the corridors of the hospital with ease. The scenes from his mind played across his vision giving him the feeling of someone else controlling his body. He passed doors with keypads that he should've had no way of remembering but by some strange twist of fate had stayed stored in his brain when everything else had faded.

He continued this way for some time until he reached the gray doors that had popped into his mind when he'd seen the picture of Daniels and the then unknown Hirsch.

_'A republic lives on the knife's edge.'_ Jason blindly walked along past the open door and through a long corridor with the hallucination of Daniels and some other men. _'When we are finished with you, you will no longer be David Webb.' _Jason looked behind him for the voice but it was still in his mind.

At the end of the hall was a set of doors that had also recently played in his dreams and like his dreams he found himself unable to get in though he already knew what lay beyond it. He knew that this where he'd been broken and that this was the place that he'd first really met Nicolette.

_'You know why we're treating you like this?' They asked and threw the bag over his head and dunked him in icy water. A young blonde woman gave him a towel and told him it would be okay. She was here to help him. 'I'm here to help you. Let me help you Jason.'_

_'Who is Jason? My name is David…David Webb.' The woman shook her head sadly and the towel was snatched from her hand and he was dragged back into the tub, back into the hands of cruel men beating the resistance out of him and away from her comfort. Back to no sleep and bright lights and little food._

_Hours later she once more kneeled in front of him. 'Let me help you Jason,' she repeated._

_He shouted his name was David and again went the process. It lasted days and weeks. Beating, dunking, starving, her hands and the warm towel, her strong jasmine perfume and always that sweet voice saying, 'let me help you, Jason.'_

He shook his head and stepped out of the past. **'The blonde she looked familiar. She looked…'**

"Hello Jason."

Jason turned gun cocked and pointed directly at Albert Hirsch, "I believe you've been having some problems. Put the gun down."

Jason wanted to believe it was real but he'd been having so many recalls since he entered this place that part of him wasn't sure what was really happening and were past experiences. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to talk," Hirsch said as if reading his mind.

"I spent three years running." **'Floating in the ocean, on the boat. Through Paris and Germany then India and now here, always floating without any control of my life.'**

"Three years trying to find out who I am." '**The deposit box and the passports in it, the assets that wanted to kill me. Marie and the journal. Piecing together the fragments provided by the sight of Nicky while being framed in Germany. Marie's death and the explosion in Tangiers that had nearly taken my life, that had nearly taken Nicky's.'**

"You've still not got it all back, have you? Still not filled in the pieces." Hirsch asked but the question was rhetorical. It was obvious he didn't know all of it. Jason would not have saved Nicky Parsons if he knew the extent of her involvement.

"It was always you." Jason said grabbing the man and shoving him to the door that wouldn't open in his mind or in reality. He didn't want to be psychoanalyzed. He just wanted the truth, all of it unvarnished and without holes.

He checked Hirsch for weapons but the man feebly interrupted. "I'm unarmed, Jason."

"Why me? Why did you pick me?"

"You really don't remember do you? We didn't pick you. You picked us. You volunteered. Right here even after you were warned."

_'Dr. Hirsch, may I have a moment with you?' Nicky asked._

_'What's it about?' he said._

_'It's about Captain Webb…I rather talk in private.' She said not looking at the soldier that was glaring in her direction. He made her uneasy._

_'By all means Ms. Parsons. Feel free to give Captain Webb your reservations about him being involved in our little program. He seems rather interested.'_

_Nicky shifted her papers and stared determinedly at the angry young captain. 'I don't believe Captain Webb has the right…attitude for this program. He is too self assured.'_

_'Hear that David. She thinks you are cocky.'_

_'I didn't say that but he will not follow orders easily. He thinks he will but I can tell you that he will try to circumvent them. It's in his record, great soldier but a bit of a loose cannon.'_

_'You don't know shit about me.' He growled from his chair._

_'I don't have to.' She said primly and turned to Dr. Hirsch. 'He is too Alpha male for this group. If we have other candidates with this personality, it will force us to have a hierarchy within the assets.'_

_'And that's bad?' Daniels said from behind them._

_'They'll need a handler to keep them adjusted.' She said, "One will have to be dominant and I don't think that is a good idea unless there is an Alpha Female to balance-"_

_'You have yourself a job, Ms. Parsons.' Hirsch said and dismissed her._

_'I'm not taking orders from that little…' he snapped._

_'I will not be…' she protested._

_'You helped create this program and that includes the running of it and all that comes with it for it to be a successful endeavor.' Hirsch told Nicky. 'And you will submit to the program and all its parameters. Is that understood? Those are the rules,' he said to David._

'_I'll commit to the program and all its rules,' both responded._

The light above the door turned on as Hirsch put in the last number and it clicked open. He walked in and waited on the other side. Jason glanced in and the images from his head bled into the room.

_'Good morning, Captain.'_

"You came in here. You didn't even blink, Jason. You just handed me these." Hirsch held out the swinging dog tags to him.

Jason took the tags and turned them over.

WEBB DAVID

829 63 1204

O NEG

CATHOLIC

_'Has everything been explained to you?'_

_'Yes, sir.'_

"You said you wanted to serve."

_'Your missions will save American lives.'_

_'I understand, sir.'_

"You said I'd be saving American lives."

"You were."

"I was killing for you. For them," he says putting the gun against Hirsch's head.

"You knew exactly what it meant for you if you chose to stay."

_'When we are finished with you, you will no longer be David Webb.'_

_'I'll be whoever you need me to be sir.'_

"You can't outrun what you did, Jason. You made yourself into who you are. Eventually you're gonna have to face the fact, you chose right here to become Jason Bourne."

_'You haven't slept for a long time.'_

_'Jason, let me help you.' She said again. He grabbed her this time and she squealed but Hirsch and Daniels did nothing and he looked at them and back to her._

_'You can't help me. You can't even help yourself. Do you think that if I agree to do everything they tell me in this room and prove I'll be exactly what they want, that later on if I ask to have you that they will deny me? Do you think you'll have a choice?'_

_She shook her head and he was oddly proud that she wasn't scared. 'I know they'll offer me to you at some point. I'm the…' she swallowed, 'the incentive." _

_He yanked her so close to him that her feet were barely on the floor. 'Who told you that?"_

_'Nobody, its not hard to figure out. Why else would I be in charge of your conditioning? It was my paper on psychological triggers that helped build this program. I have to give something to be on the ground floor.'_

_'You agreed?'_

_'I had no choice. I'm was already too far in and now so are you. If you don't make a decision, they will kill you.' She whispered and this time he saw fear but it wasn't of him but of the men in the room with them._

_'Why do you care?' he asked._

_'I can protect you and you can protect me.'_

_'Have you made a decision? This can't go on. You have to decide.' Hirsh said watching the play between them. Nicky was then pulled from his grasp and escorted out of the room but he knew that she was no doubt watching from behind the glass._

_'Who is he?' he asked instead._

_'We've been through that.' Hirsch said but his gaze went to the mirror._

_'What did he do?' David asked but he was beyond the man sitting on the chair. He was thinking about himself and the blonde, the one that was tied to the program as tightly as he was._

_'It doesn't matter.'_

_Hirsch approached him, 'you came to us. You volunteered. You said you'd do whatever it takes to save American lives. You're not a liar, are you or too weak to see this through?' _

_Hirsch was so close that he actually heard the sharp inhale of air that Nicky made into the com. 'This is it. Let go of David Webb. Really give yourself to this program.' Hirsch continued knowing very well that Nicky was audible to David. _

_'They'll kill you,' she had said. __**'They'll kill you too'**__ he thought and he didn't want her to die. Without one more thought of doubt, he turned and put three shots into the unknown man._

_'You're no longer David Webb. From now on, you'll be known as Jason Bourne. Welcome to the program.' Hirsch said and Daniels took the hood off the now dead man._

_'Michael.' He heard her cry when they wheeled the man out. _

_She touched Michael's face delicately but the mask of professionalism dropped over her face as Hirsch handed her David's dog tags. 'We begin tomorrow with him and the Professor and Nicky?'_

_'Sir?'_

_'He's Bourne now. David is gone and so are any feelings that went with him, understood.'_

_'Yes sir.'_

_'Bourne, same goes for you. Physical relationships are understandable but no attachments. None, those are the rules.' Hirsch said._

_'What attachment, sir?'_

_'Good man.'_

"Do you remember now?"

"I remember."

_'We can't. What if they catch us? You remember what Hirsch said and Conklin will be furious.' She said while he lifted her legs around his waist and he pressed into her._

_'They'll never know." He said undoing her blouse and letting the cool night air caress her skin._

_'You're watched more than the others. You're Conklin's favorite.' She said but it was so hard to reason with his mouth attached to her pulse point and her nails digging into his lower back to keep him anchored to her for a little longer._

_'I protect you and you protect me. That was the deal.' He replied and she nodded too caught up in the motion of his body flowing into hers in a darkened alley several steps from the safe house._

_'Jason or David. I don't care who you are. I love you, every part of you,' she cried and he kissed her quiet._

"I remember everything. I'm no longer Jason Bourne."

"So now you're going to kill me."

"No. You don't deserve the star they'd give you on the wall at Langley."

Before he could decide what to do with Hirsch, banging and gunfire interrupted and Jason was forced to find an escape route. He jumped through the nearest window and luckily rolled onto a low rooftop. He dropped down the fire escape and crossed over another roof but there was nothing but streets beneath him.

Jason doubled back to the same floor, kicked in a door and went back into the building. He walked slowly putting more and more pressure on his foot as he went. The jump had not been calculated and he could tell he'd twisted his ankle at the very least.

He hobbled along the maintenance part of the building looking behind him every few paces to make sure that the asset he'd allowed to live hadn't found him yet. He climbed up a few more floors and he hit a series of catwalks.

Jason limped his way along them hoping to reach another roof to cross and get out that way. He reached the end of the building and found a long drop into the East River and no other places to jump. He paced back and forth contemplating how to find Nicky now that he'd sent her away and he was trapped ten stories up.

He pulled the scrap of paper Landy had given him; this might be his only chance to read it. Once in the water it would be beyond legible.

_Jared Chronis_

_Athens_

He reread the name but didn't recognize it. **Who was Jared Chronis? Another asset perhaps or maybe an ally that Landy had set up? Could he be a way to find Nicky I wasn't aware of?'** He put the paper back in his pocket and looked down the building seeing if there was a way to scale down a few stories before having to plunge into the river.

The sound of a gun cocking brought him up short and Jason Bourne turned slowly to meet his killer.

"Why didn't you take the shot?" Paz asked.

"Do you even know why you're supposed to kill me?"

Paz said nothing but Jason was once just like him. He'd looked at the Professor the same way, Paz was looking at him now, just before he killed him.

"Look at us. Look at what they make you give," Jason quoted and he had never forgotten the look of relief on the Professor's face when Jason acknowledged his words and in the end even though he was on the ground and knowing he was going to die, the man had been set free.

Jason wanted to have that freedom even if Paz pulled the trigger.

The man hesitated, like he'd done with Nicky and in that moment of hesitation Jason understood why he had hesitated to kill her. It wasn't just because he remembered her a bit or because she knew something about him, it was because she knew what he had given because she had given it too.

Unlike the other assets who were stripped of their will, Nicky had kept hers much like Jason had. Only she could understand the utter brutality of their jobs and not be totally broken and that had made him feel less alone. It had made him feel less empty and more like a person than a weapon.

The door opened and both men knew that their time for answers was over. More of Vosen's men were coming and one of them was going to have to make a move or both would perish.

Jason looked back at the asset, who's name was Paz. He turned his back on the man and hoped that he wouldn't receive a bullet for his show of trust. He stepped closer to the ledge and gazed at the water below. It was dark and very likely would kill him but what choice did he have.

One last moment of hesitation and Jason ran full speed to the ledge and over and into the water. He didn't see Paz lower his weapon or Noah Vosen raise his. He hit the air and felt the shooting pain of a bullet hitting his skull and knew no more.

**Washington, D.C. – Emergency Cabinet Meeting**

"Good morning, Senators. If I may, I'd like to begin by making a statement for the record. The file indicates that Ezra Kramer authorized six illegal…" Pamela Landy went on and on until that evening and again the next day until Ezra and Noah and Albert were all picked up and Nicky and Jason had both disappeared.

Captain David Webb aka Jason Bourne aka former Treadstone operative was floating in darkness. It was cool and serene and it was everything that his life had not been in the last moments of it.

Nicky and Marie swam beside him. Marie's long blonde locks were short and dark again and she held Jason's left hand. Nicky's short dark locks faded to blonde and lengthened as she gripped his other hand. Marie bobbed along side him then reached over and held Nicky's hand and the blonde squeezed it.

Marie let go of Jason's and guided it to Nicky's. She then kissed Jason lightly and disappeared beneath the waves and Jason knew she was truly gone. Marie was finally at peace. He looked to Nicky but she wasn't bobbing gently, she was thrashing and swallowing water as she screamed his name.

An unseen force pried his hands from hers and fully submerged her into the depths. She struggled to raise her head above water but the force was too much for her petite frame. He reached for her again and her long blonde hair floated up to him, caressing his face.

He called her name and dove into the blackness. Her silhouette beckoned and he followed until the bright of her hair was all he could see. He pushed towards her with the last of his strength and surfaced.

Jason opened his eyes and met a full bright moon. He'd been dying and Nicky and Marie had saved him. He gingerly kicked and immediately felt the adrenaline from his fall shoot through him and he swam towards the shore farthest from the building where he'd gotten all his history back.

He spotted a dock and pulled himself onto it. He rested for a few moments then tiredly climbed to his feet. He couldn't stay here, Vosen and his people no doubt would be looking for his body and even with his training he was too injured to fight on.

He walked slowly and purposely through the city. He bumped a few people and took what little cash they had and continued on his way. He got on the train platform and was met by none other than Tom Cronin. "Need a ride?"

"Can I trust you?" Jason asked though he followed the man off the platform and to a row of dark cars parked nearby. The door of one them opened and inside was Pamela Landy waiting with a duffel bag that was probably full of a few passports and a couple thousand dollars in several different currencies and hopefully at least one change of clothes.

"Still careful I see."

Jason climbed in without an answer and they sped out of the city.

"Here drink these." Pamela handed him a small white bottle and the whole car lurched or at least it seemed that way until he realized that he was the only one that had pitched off his seat.

"Jason, Jason! Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a…" at that moment another headache caught him and he barely made it to hold on to the seat. An image came unbidden to his mind and he froze in shock.

It was Nicky and she wearing the same expression that he'd seen on her face when they'd been standing in front of the bus and he'd told her that it got easier. He saw his own hands reach for her and she went into his arms.

_ He pulled her closer and felt the bump between them._

_"It gets easier."_

_"What does?" she asked._

_"Running. You'll have me and I'll protect you both."_

_"You promise."_

_He hugged her in response._

Jason recovered from the vision and hoisted himself back onto the seat. Tom asked him if he was ok and he muttered that he was. **'She was pregnant. Nicky was pregnant and it was mine.'**

Jason searched his mind for any fragments, for any information on the whereabouts of his child, any hint that she had told him that there had been a child, his and Nicky's_. _

_'It was difficult for me, with you. You really don't remember anything?'_

_'No.'_

That was why Nicky had not said a word. He'd been so mad at her for lying to him and still so hurt about Marie's death that he hadn't bothered to really wonder what had happened between them. He had pushed her away and she'd let him go.

It was why she allowed him to send her away because she knew that he'd eventually remember. He'd eventually want to know every detail and more importantly he'd want to know where their child was, a child that Nicky clearly didn't have.

His gripped his head in pain at the force of the recollections but one lone phrase made it out of his tortured mouth. "What happened to our baby?"

Pamela Landy and Tom Cronin looked at each other and she pulled out two folders. He read Daniel Zorn and Nicky Parsons on the covers and she just shrugged.

Jason threw Daniel's to the ground and carefully went through Nicky's. It gave her birth date and other vitals such as where she'd grown up and gone to school. It mentioned her parent's death at age 20 and when she had started the program, a few months later.

He went through her medical records and found out she was allergic to almonds. He kept reading and stopped short at the brief entry. _Nicollette Parsons, miscarriage at seventh months. Baby boy – suspected father, Daniel Zorn._

**Cafe Panorama - Tangiers **

"The president convened an emergency cabinet meeting today to discuss the growing scandal over an alleged government assassination program, code-named Blackbriar." Nicky looked up from her book instantly forgetting about the cheese and tomato melt and whether or not it would ease the sudden and ridiculous appetite that had plagued her for the last week.

She sat up straighter as her old life came blaring through the TV. "CIA Director Ezra Kramer is under criminal investigation for authorizing the program, which in several cases may have even targeted US citizens." Nicky asked for her sandwich to go and resumed her reading as she waited for the check.

"Two agency officials have already been arrested. Dr. Albert Hirsch, the alleged mastermind of the Blackbriar program and CIA Deputy Director Noah Vosen, the program's operational chief." Nicky snorted happy to know that the smug bastards had finally been caught.

"Meanwhile, mystery surrounds the fate of David Webb," Nicky again stopped her reading and stared at the television. "Also known as Jason Bourne, the source behind the exposure of the Blackbriar program. It's been reported that Webb was shot and fell…" Nicky stifled a gasp but didn't take her eyes off the screen, willing it to tell her what happened to Jason. "…from a Manhattan rooftop into the East River ten stories below. However, after a three day search, Webb's body has yet to be found."

Nicky smirked and asked for her sandwich to go. She'd been in Tangiers for two days now and any more time could bring out some of the old program's hidden assets. Just because the program was defunct didn't mean they couldn't still take her out.

She changed her hair color again lightening it so it was closer to brown than black though she had kept the length as it suited her nicely and made blending much easier.

**Germany – Alexanderpratz Station**

It been weeks since the national coverage had run about the failed Treadstone project but Nicky had been traveling steadily to keep herself from getting too comfortable. She'd taken Jason's advice to heart and not stayed anywhere longer than a few days.

If anything felt weird she was gone in a flash. Today she had felt nostalgic and had decided to visit Alexanderplatz. It had good and bad memories and now with her life so nomadic, memories were the only permanent things she had left.

She wandered the underground and recalled that this was not only where Jason had held her hostage but it was also the place where she'd broken Danny's heart. He'd been so great and gone out of his way to be romantic but whatever had been between before the program had disappeared the moment she'd become Jason's handler.

He'd been so sad and angry and it was the last time they'd been truly close. He'd pressed a key into her hand and left her there to catch the train alone. She pulled the key from her pocket and twisted into the lock. The door opened smoothly and she reached in and pulled out a bag no larger than a handbag.

Nicky slipped it over her shoulder and left Alexanderplatz for the last time. She stood in the bus anxiously patting the purse until her stop came into view. She walked straight to her apartment and checked the surrounding area from behind a curtain.

She turned on the single lamp and placed the contents of the purse onto the only surface in the middle of the under furnished room. Inside was a key; clearly a deposit box one, a book with a single code inside and below the number the name of a bank in Athens, Greece. She pressed on the leather cover of the book felt a poof of bunched material.

She slit the edge of the front page expertly but found nothing. She ran her hand over the book's spine. There was something definitely there so she pushed the book flat and slowly slid her knife in and wiggled it until the spine was separated from the rest of the book.

A tiny rolled up paper came out and Nicky uncurled it to reveal a wallet size picture.

Nicky gathered the rest of the items and stuffed them back into the bag without a second glance. She wiped down the apartment and left for the first available plane to Athens.

She arrived and prepared to settle for a few days knowing it be dangerous to do so but she wanted to be sure. She had to be sure of the information, she wouldn't be able to bare it if she was wrong.

She finished her lunch and heard that the elusive Jason Bourne had not been seen since his fall into the river almost three months ago. She smiled at the good news and decided to walk to her destination.

The day was warm with the sun shinning down on the inhabitants as Nicky headed to the beach and sat with an umbrella and her book open to avoid any suspicion.

In the distance she saw a little boy running and chasing after a little blonde looked so innocent and sweet and Nicky felt tears prick at her eye at the thought of her own little boy running so carefree.

The little boy ran in front of her and she used the opportunity to sneak a look at a woman a few feet away, underneath an umbrella and applying sunblock to a chubby three year-old intent on eating the sand all around him.

Nicky looked at the picture in her hand and compared it. It was he, the three year-old playing not more than ten feet away was her and Jason's son, Jared Chronis. She'd finally found him but as Nicky went to get up and maybe introduce herself to hold him just once, a silver car pulled up to the edge of the beach.

A man stepped out and everything felt wrong about him.

She knew the type from the way he carried himself. This wasn't an asset but he was definitely dangerous and as the man neared their secluded little area, Nicky ran to the mother and knocked her and the baby over just in time to avoid the silenced gunshots that hit the sand instead.

Surprised that he'd been spotted Nicky took advantage and ripped the umbrella from the sand and shoved the pointed end into his stomach as hard as she could. He blocked it somewhat but she still managed to draw blood and distract him long enough to knock him out with the tazer she kept on her at all times.

She swiftly picked up her baby and dragged up the confused and terrified woman. They took off running before the man came around and Nicky explained in stilted Greek that she and her whole family were in danger. The woman dazed but coherent tried to take the baby back to their home but Nicky urged her to go on and retrieve her husband and other family.

She pressed her wallet into the woman's hands to satisfy her that she'd stay put. The woman probably wavered by the sincerity of the person who saved her life agreed and left Nicky at the edge of the property looking out for the mysterious man that had ambushed them.

She walked a little ways from the house and bounced her son to calm him. She was still surprised by how easily she'd been able to find him given how well Danny had been able to protect him not just from Conklin and Abbott but also from Vosen without her knowledge.

The baby smiled at her and she could clearly see the resemblance to Jason's handsome features.

**'How will I explain the baby to him? What excuse can I give him for not telling him that night at the hotel when we made love? What if he still doesn't remember?'** Nicky didn't think she could handle that empty look of his again, not without it ripping out what was left of her heart.

"How will I tell your father about you?"

"That depends on the father. Me or Danny?"

Nicky nearly tripped by how quick her feet turned to meet the voice that she'd recognize anywhere. The voice that had been haunting her every since she'd departed on that bus from Tangiers and he hadn't given her a backwards glance, "how did you find me?"

"I will always find you. Who's the father?" he asked his face so serious only his lips moved.

"You are. Why would you-" She didn't get to finish her sentence as the house behind them exploded.


End file.
